Doctoring My Spin

Posted by Martin R on September 27, 2007
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i-ce0b30e4a48e00c5a374fd6ed6bb5e13-mr-metro-070927.jpgFrom today’s issue of free subway paper Metro, I translate:

Hey there…

… Martin Rundkvist, 35, the archaeologist who has found a unique 16th century sword in the woods.

How did you make the find — through cutting-edge methods?

– I sat down in the lotus position and took in the vibrations with my astral antennae.

Astral antennae?

– You’ve got to have long hair to take in the vibes. All hair dressers are paid by the government to cut off the astral antennae. They’ve got a hidden agenda, them hair dressers.

Really? So, how many lives do you think the sword has taken?

– Well, it really depends on what level you’re on and how many bonuses you’ve collected. We’ll see, maybe the guy who had it before has carved a notch in it for every victim.

Are you going to use it for private purposes?

– Yes. I see it as a tool for self-defence. I’m going to use it to practice Oriental combat techniques. I have a very exciting job.

Let’s see who can name the movie I’m quoting!

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Comments

  1. #1 joltvolta
    September 27, 2007

    Wonderful journalism that we’ve come to respect from Fanny Lundstedt! Nice interview you gave.

  2. #2 paddy
    September 27, 2007

    Isn’t it “Withnail and I”..?

  3. #3 Martin R
    September 27, 2007

    Joltvolta, please tell us more.

    Paddy, very good!

  4. #4 Savon
    September 27, 2007

    Men Martin, barkar det inte åt helsicke nu? :-)

  5. #5 Martin R
    September 27, 2007

    Actually, my bonus brother just asked me over ICQ if I had started smoking dope.

  6. #6 Hans Persson
    September 27, 2007

    There was a small blurb in Corren about the sword this morning, complete with a tiny picture.

  7. #7 kai
    September 27, 2007

    Wonderful! Finally Metro got what they deserve. :-)

    What I don’t understand is why I haven’t found at least a pike, considering my hair is so my longer than yours :-p

  8. #8 Lars L
    September 27, 2007

    I cant get this thing with the long hair. Were you talking about flourishing sideburns!?

  9. #9 Martin R
    September 27, 2007

    Empty psychedelic bragging on my part, I’m afraid. The longest hair on my person is actually on my perineum.

  10. #10 Felicia Gilljam
    September 27, 2007

    Epic interview!

    Although the picture should’ve been one with your hat off. Just to drive the point about the hair home.

  11. #11 DDeden
    September 27, 2007

    Oh, I should have posted my other comment here, since talking about long hair and cutting it. Here’s a copy then:

    I’ve an OT question that relates to dinosaur feathers and hominids.
    When homonid researchers in the field find a skull, what is their priority? To pick and brush it off right?

    Since we know that feather imprints can be retained if the critter was covered in fine mud (rare but not unusual), shouldn’t skull diggers be looking at the inverse of the skull for hair imprints on the dried mudstone? Of course once the skull’s soft tissues decomposed, the surrounding silts collapsing inwards would destroy some of the features, but the dead hair protein would probably leave an imprint, possibly visible through MRI or micro or nano Xray analysis or something. I for one would like to know the precise hair/beard patterns, as I’m tired of paintings, drawings, models of ancient neandertals, erectoids and apiths with short haircuts, since sapiens have hair that grows a yard long when left uncut.

    But then again, some people think our ancestors were like chimpanzees on savannas, where long hair is useless. I do wish the bone & stone folks would check on hair, probably the only soft tissue recognizable after 20k years in the hardening mud.

  12. #12 Inget att säga
    September 27, 2007

    Hahaha! very very funny, did they really print it?

  13. #13 Martin R
    September 28, 2007

    DDeden, I think you’re right, hope the palaeontologists have thought of that. As an archaeologist, I don’t know that sort of thing.

    Inget, they sure did, check out the PDF version.

  14. #14 kai
    September 28, 2007

    DDeden: I guess Afarensis should know.

  15. #15 Inget att säga
    September 28, 2007

    Thanks! I printed it and put it on my door, created a lot of laughter in my dormitory.

  16. #16 Mary
    September 30, 2007

    dude! you so funny. but that is one cool find. all I ever get w/metal detector is barb wire, bolts, shotgun shell primer caps, horseshoes and of course the tin-foil candy wrappers….la. la. no real comment, I just want to win whatever it is yall giving way.