ARKHAM, MA–Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the Necronomicon in order to develop the skills they need to be driven to the very edge of sanity, Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district’s monthly meeting Tuesday.

“Fools!” said West, his clenched fist striking the lectern before him. “We must prepare today’s youth for a world whose terrors are etched upon ancient clay tablets recounting the fever-dreams of the other gods–not fill their heads with such trivia as math and English. Our graduates need to know about those who lie beneath the earth, waiting until the stars align so they can return to their rightful place as our masters and wage war against the Elder Things and the shoggoths!



  1. #1 Comrade PhysioProf
    March 7, 2009

    HAHAHAHAH! I love the fucking Onion!

  2. #2 john wintheiser
    March 9, 2009

    These folks should major in Cthulu Studies at Miskatonic University.

  3. #3 Luanne E
    March 9, 2009

    I totally agree with West on this one. Thanks for shareing Martin. As a higher education book distributor to high schools, this will be distributed to my co-workers as the new trend of education. Finally, support to the cause!

  4. #4 Larry Ayers
    March 10, 2009

    I had to link to this very funny article too when I first read it. Lovecraft is just a hoot, and I should go back and re-read some of his stuff. One seriously weird writer…

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