Wasp Nest

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Dear Reader, if you are a wasp, do not attempt to nest in my house. You will only Release the Fucking Fury, said with a bad Swedish accent. I will plug your nest’s entries and vacuum your workers as they return from foraging. Do not sting my chin, the only bit protruding from my raincoat. Do not nest in my house. That is all. Thank you.

Update next day: Dear Reader, if you are a mouse, do not attempt to forage for food behind Samarkeolog’s fridge.

Comments

  1. #1 samarkeolog
    July 28, 2009

    I’ve had to mock up a clingfilm-and-cola-bottle security fence to keep the mice out of my flat.

  2. #2 Martin R
    July 28, 2009

    I’m having a hard time visualising a mouse-proof fence made of bottles and clingfilm. Pic please!

  3. #3 Magnus Reuterdahl
    July 28, 2009

    I love Yngwie when he on top of his game (every third record or so) but he’s not known for subtlety as shown in that clip – its out of this world – but he did show that somewhere under all that hair he’s got some self-irony naming the next album Unleash the Fury (2005).

  4. #4 Magnus Reuterdahl
    July 28, 2009

    Btw I won’t tell mr Lawless of the traps – wouldn’t want to spoil the suprise and all.

  5. #5 Martin R
    July 28, 2009

    Magnus, how come I never see you wearing circle-saw undies? (-;

  6. #6 Magnus Reuterdahl
    July 28, 2009

    That’s because I use a trowel instead :D

  7. #7 Martin R
    July 28, 2009

    “Is that a fyllhammare in your pocket..?”

  8. #9 stewart
    August 2, 2009

    HAHA! can’t stop laughing at Samarkeolog’s mini Maginot line around his fridge! :))

    The things we do,lol. I had great success in the UK with my invaders by leaving a piece of bread on the floor,then shooting dead previously happy rodents with my air pistol!
    (Be careful of ricochet’s though,they hurt!!)

    I now have to deal with the Swedish chapter of “hell’s rodent’s” in this house here.The girlfriend refused to let me bring my guns over when we recently drove to collect my house stuff from the UK to bring back here.She insisted Swedish and Danish customs would have a seizure on finding them!
    Of course,our overloaded van full of contraband meat and dairy products that i can’t buy in Sweden and minus said weapons..never saw sight nor sound of a customs officer! In fact the only customs officer we saw all through our trip (swe,den,ger,bel,hol,fra,uk,den,swe.)was while waiting to drive onto the train through the “chunnel” in France,and he was just pissy because i left my van for a smoke in a no smoking zone!

    Anyhow,for reasons i had no say about,we’re now the proud owners of THREE persian kittens,so am waiting for winter to see battle commence.
    Here’s a tip..when using mousetraps don’t use cheese.Use peanut butter,they love it!

    As for wasps? I hate those bastard’s with a passion! At least a Bee has the courtesy to rip out it’s arse and die after it stings you! Wasp’s just keep on going.Blah!
    The only tip i have for wasps is DON’T knock one down or half kill it near the nest.It WILL release “help me quick” pheromones,and all it’s pain in the arse (literally)buddies will swarm and cause untold misery!
    Call “Anticimex”!!

  9. #10 Martin R
    August 2, 2009

    When I vacuum the wasps, they identify the end of the vacuum cleaner’s tube as the enemy. I can stand around in my undies without getting attacked. And when the wasps go for the tube, they of course immediately get slurped down.

  10. #11 The Wasps
    August 2, 2009

    Dear Dr Rundkvist,

    The end of the vacum cleaner’s tube is much perferable to the sight of you in your undies. Given the choice we would, as you have discovered, prefer to be slurped down rather than live in the same house with such sights that should never be seen.

    Yours sincerely,

  11. #12 Martin R
    August 2, 2009

    Indeed! I should be seen without obscuring garments.

  12. #13 samarkeolog
    August 3, 2009

    Stewart, the picture you paint is a touch more terrifying.

    But I need a little help to make it utterly petrifying: were you wearing a ten-gallon hat and instructing the mice to dance as you fired; or were you sociopathically mechanical in the campaign of extermination?

    (I couldn’t (yet?) bring myself to imagine you as a Son of Sam-style killer.)

  13. #14 stewart
    August 3, 2009

    Oh trust me mate,where anything smaller and with more legs and/or wings than me is concerned,i’m a total homicidal maniac!
    (except for ants.I find them totally fascinating.)
    I do have a genuine Stetson hat a friend in America sent me,but it’s one size too large and falls over my eyes when i shoot,so no,i was bareheaded.
    I believe due to climatic changes in the weather,more mild winters etc,that an explosion of mice has occured in the UK,as well as here in Sweden and no doubt other countries too.As have rats too.I read an article in “the local.sweden’s news in English” about the massive rat infestation in Stockholm due to the above effects.
    Wait till a few of those beauties get behind your fridge lol.

  14. #15 samarkeolog
    August 4, 2009

    In one of my flats in Cyprus, when I complained about cockroach and ant infestation, I was told to relax and just wait for them to die…

    Thankfully, I will move out in under two months, and the mice can have a free rein until the council condemns the place.

    Eurgh. I can hear the mice now, squeaking in the “wall” cavity. (It’s only the paint that makes the “wall” any thicker or tougher than my clingfilm.)

  15. #16 stewart
    August 5, 2009

    Great advice!..considering cockroaches are immortal!
    I once placed a 5 litre tin of paint ontop of a wandering roach.6 years later i lifted the tin to throw away and said cockroach shot out to see what had happened in the world during it’s dark and heavy imprisonment!

    It’s horrible hearing mice squeaking and scratching behind the walls or in the next room lol.I bruised my hand with all the hammering of walls i did to try shut them up!

    Good luck in the next place you live.lol. :)

  16. #17 samarkeolog
    August 5, 2009

    The worst was knowing that the ants and cockroaches had clearly come to some kind of modus vivendi long before I was on the scene, so (even with my British genes and while in a former colony!) I couldn’t divide and rule. (I haven’t been welcome in Britain since.)

    Thankfully, tapping the broom against the clingfilm still seems to deter the mice; but it’s only a matter of time before the Rodent Rising. (And to think: before, we only had to worry about zombies, robots, apes, triffids, and ants.)

    If anyone finds a gnawed corpse on the streets of East London, looking like an extra from 28 Days Later, give me a decent burial – kick me over and over until I slump in the gutter and can decompose in peace.

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