Psychedelic Spam

Posted by Martin R on May 19, 2012
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Now this is how you sell pens!

The squaw had disappeared into the thick under growth, leaving a track Queen Elizabeth I 2010 Mont Blanc Limited Edition White Rollerball like a hippo in the snow. Bud could have overtaken her, of course, and he could have made her take the baby back again. But he could not face the thought of it. He made no move at all toward pursuit, but instead he turned his face toward mont blanc boheme bleu Alpine, with some vague intention of turning the baby over to the hotel woman montblanc hemingway there and getting the authorities to hunt up its parents. It was plain enough that Meisterstuck Classique Red Fountain Pen the squaw Boheme Paso Boble Dark Red Rollerball had no right to it, else she would not have run off like that.

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Comments

  1. #1 kai
    May 19, 2012

    Ah, product placement is the latest. I am told all the TV series do it these days, so clearly written fiction is the next thing.

  2. #2 Bruce Paulson
    May 19, 2012

    I find the word squaw so offensive. When I heard people refer to my maternal grandmother and her female relatives as squaws it always conjured up a picture of something dirty and offensive. It is right up there with the N word.

    Nahow, eneh akik ne wyochemun. This is the end of my narration. Bruce Paulson a/k/a Mushaquit the bright clear sky.

  3. #3 Art
    May 19, 2012

    Survivalist fantasy paperbacks have always been long on fetishistic descriptions of their equipment, particularly their weapons.

    Seemingly, nobody ever just gets stabbed. Instead they are stabbed by a 12″ Ka-Bar reproduction of a WW2 Marine fighting/utility knife with a 8″ blade with a flip-up false edge profile, half-length fuller, leather washer handle, and hammer pommel. Loving and worshipful two page descriptions are not uncommon. No detail is too insignificant to leave out.

    The scene and violence gets sketched out in outline, just enough to move the plot along. Interpersonal relations are a series of terse exchanges set up to magnify the stern virtues of the protagonist and the foppishness and ineffectual nature of the ‘sheep’ but every piece of equipment gets the same attention a 12 year old boy gives a Playboy centerfold. Every detail and feature is noted as are the brand, manufacturer, make, and model number. In a few cases, when the protagonist is being depicted in a contemplative mood, the actual serial number is mentioned. This emphasizes the ‘this is my gun’ nature of their BFF relationship.

    The entire novel is often a series of product placements demonstrating how much you will need those products in the coming apocalypse, how well they work, and how very manly and effective you will be if you just have the right equipment and attitude.

    The prime examples of this genre are from the late 70s but they seemed to come in waves every twenty years or so. Most of those novels are out of print, printed as paperbacks the quality of the printing still exceeds the quality of the writing, they can still be found in used online bookstores.

  4. #4 Martin R
    May 19, 2012

    “It is derived from the eastern Algonquian morpheme meaning ‘woman’ that appears in numerous Algonquian languages variously spelled squa, skwa, esqua, sqeh, skwe, que, kwa, ikwe, exkwew, xkwe, etc. At present, the term is often held to be offensive, though controversy surrounds the historical evidence claimed for such a view.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squaw

  5. #5 Birger Johansson
    May 20, 2012

    Do not confuse this with “Skua”, a maritime bird. Also, the name of a British WWII single-engined dive bomber.
    “The Skua disappeared into the thick undergrowth, leaving, not a track but the droning sound of its Bristol Pegasus IX engine behind” (a neat trick of low-altitude piloting).
    — — — — — — —

    The “Jack Reacher” novels include all kinds of hardware descriptions without intruding on the narrative.
    Essentially a modern Kung Fu hero, but without the mysticism. And a Brit author writing about an American hero, itself a rare phenomenon.

  6. #6 Birger Johansson
    May 20, 2012

    Product placement: “Dalek Relaxation Tape” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJSQFzw1pEE
    “YOUR STRESS HAS BEEN EXTERMINATED!!!!!!”