Dr. Joan Bushwell's Chimpanzee Refuge

…Why Bathroom Sex is So Hot.

The Salon newsletter popped up in my gmail files within the past hour with the aforementioned article by James Hannaham. It’s a pretty interesting essay on the allure of public restroom schwinging and whether or not such acts make a guy Teh Gay or Not Teh Gay, as Senator Larry Craig would claim.

From the article:

Imagining that closeted gay men are the only ones involved in bathroom sex is naive, since it assumes that homosexual acts are synonymous with homosexual identity, which is silly. One hardly needs to be reminded of the many hyper-masculine settings with a reputation for fostering homosexual behavior: prisons, armies, the high seas, the Village People, etc. (Historian B.R. Burg has argued that the 17th century buccaneers of the Caribbean engaged exclusively in homosexual behavior. Take that, Johnny Depp!)

Of course, if one is to follow the rationale (har) of the Punch-Doug and Judy Show and its giddy Granite State Grokstering slapstick, fine straight men such as the hapless Larry Craig and Ted Haggard were undoubtedly infected with gay cooties at some point in their impressionable lives. Or perhaps these fellows were adversely affected by the vibes of college women engaging in anal sex.

Sexual repression is all very sad to me, a dedicated fan of Frans de Waal. If only we Homo sapiens, who, even if some would deny it, are a pansexual species, would fully and truly embrace our inner Pan paniscus (bonobo) and set our sexuality free, we might truly provide the lubrication that makes society run smoothly. Penis fencing at project review meetings would be so much more entertaining than unending PowerPointery, and “grabbing biscuits” (see article) might just replace a collegial handshake.

*I’m not sure what exactly falls under the relatively new tag, “Spanking the Crank,” but somehow this fits, I think.

Comments

#1 J-Dog
August 31, 2007

Hey! Let’s not be prejudiced here! What about me, a normal heterosexual male… can’t I have sex in the bathroom with Catherine Zeta Jones without feeling all guilty and dirty?
#2 Warren
August 31, 2007

Penis fencing at project review meetings would be so much more entertaining than unending PowerPointery, and “grabbing biscuits” (see article) might just replace a collegial handshake.

IIRC the origin of the word “testify” comes from Roman senators, who would hold their testicles while delivering speeches as a symbol of sincerity.

Of course, penis-fencing in board rooms would be quite sexist, so I can’t see it catching on in even a very liberal society.

Bearing that in mind, then, perhaps the female version of sincere oration could be to breastify.
#3 6EQUJ5
August 31, 2007

Whenever a new bigshot takes over a department, there is a bunch of pointless reorganization, and everybody has to be uprooted from their cubicle to a different cubicle, so the phone and computer lines are hosed for a while, and everything gets further behind.

Maybe we should admit we are two-legged animals. Simply put a big post at the corner of the property and have the new bigshot whiz all over it. There, made their mark, and the pissing post ceremony is over.
#4 Doc Bushwell
August 31, 2007

J-Dog:can’t I have sex in the bathroom with Catherine Zeta Jones without feeling all guilty and dirty?

Just keep in mind that thing has touched Michael Douglas.

Warren:Of course, penis-fencing in board rooms would be quite sexist, so I can’t see it catching on in even a very liberal society.

Point taken. I am remiss in not including “genital-rubbing” along with “penis-fencing” in the original post. That said, while gender balance has improved in my professional milieu, particularly among the rank-and-file bench monkeys, there are fewer and fewer females as one climbs to the top of the managerial rain forest canopy.

“Testify” – that’s a choice tidbit! And I am already thinking on how I will adroitly add “breastify” to my lexicon.

Re: 6EQ – you accurately describe the social dynamics of corporate herds, troops and gaggles.
#5 Jeb, FCD
August 31, 2007

I don’t get the Frans de Waal reference. Could you elaborate for the great unwashed such as myself?
#6 Doc Bushwell
August 31, 2007

Re: Jeb – I don’t get the Frans de Waal reference.

My apologies for neglecting to include the link. Please check it out. De Waal’s excellent book (in my opinion), Our Inner Ape is the object of my allusion. De Waal is a primatologist at Emory University.
#7 Rhapsody
August 31, 2007

Heh, I’d always knew that bathroom sex was hot and fun I didn’t get access to the full article though…
#8 wrpd
August 31, 2007

I realized that I was gay when I was 11. That was 1960. Back then the only people I knew were gay were Liberace and the men who hung out at a local restroom. That’s where I went to try to meet other gay guys. I always felt guilty about that. The same thing happened in college. I went to an urban commuter school in a large city. There was no campus life. There were no dorms to go to for sex. There was nowhere a 18-20 year old gay person to meet others. So we went to the restrooms and gradually formed small groups of gay teens who got together in the cafeteria and other places. As the network grew the need for bathroom sex greatly waned.
I think the only men who do bathroom sex now are either very repressed closeted men or gay men who like the thrill of knowing they are doing something illegal.
About penis fencing: I was at a meeting at work and most of the people got involved with a meaningless off-the-track issue. I started getting a boredom boner. I was trying to hide it but I noticed that the straight man sitting across from me was also erect. We looked at each other and then we thrust out our hips and pretending we were having a swordfight with our penises. No one else in the meeting could tell what we were doing but we had lots of fun. We never spoke about it again and I still have no idea what the meeting was about.
#9 Doc Bushwell
September 1, 2007

wrpd, thanks for the great comment! You’re only a few years my senior, I recall that my gay friends of my undergrad era took a very similar approach in seeking out like-minded fellows, even in a relatively bucolic large state land-grant university.

I have to tell you that your last paragraph sent me over the edge with raucous hooting, or maybe it was guffawing, I can’t be sure. Hilarious! But a “boredom boner?” I like to pride myself in knowing a fair amount about the opposite sex what with my years of studying and working with mostly men and several years of research in prostate disease (hence I may be a little more familiar with your hydraulics), but a boredom boner is a state of tumescence of which I wasn’t aware. I guess I’d better not count myself among the corpus cavernosum cognoscenti.
#10 wrpd
September 3, 2007

Glad I was able to make you laugh. I grew up and went to school in Chicago. Our GLA group started having dances once a month on campus especially for boys/men between 18 and 21. They were very successful and were tons of fun.