…you just gotta love The Onion. Not only is it a lazy-ass blogiste’s best friend, providing amusing commentary when you just can’t get a post up, but it also does a lovely job of illustrating the scope of our ecological problems now and again. You’ll enjoy this one.
“It’s not like I don’t care, because I do, and most of the time I don’t even buy bottled water,” thought Missouri school teacher Heather Delamere, the 450,000th caring and progressive individual to have done so that morning, and the 850,000th to have purchased the environmentally damaging vessel due to being thirsty, in a huge rush, and away from home. “It’s really not worth beating myself up over.”
“What’s one little bottle in the grand scheme of things, you know?” added each and every single one of them.
Monday’s plastic-bottle-related dilemma wasn’t the only environmental quandary facing millions of citizens across the country. An estimated 20 million men and women wondered how wasteful leaving a single lightbulb on all night really was, while more than 40 million Americans asked themselves if anyone would actually notice if they just turned up the heat a few degrees instead of walking all the way downstairs and getting another blanket.
Likewise, had they not been so tired, and busy, and stressed, citizens making up the equivalent of three major metropolitan areas told reporters that they probably wouldn’t have driven their minivans down to the corner store.