Casaubon's Book

After all that work, you’ll want to plant good seeds. Glenn Beck approved seeds, ideally. Well, Stephen Colbert is right on board, aware that in a disaster, we’ll all want raddichio. He’s even started his own crisis herb garden, because, “I may be ready for a world where the streets run with blood, and zombies rule the night and feast on human flesh. But I refuse to live in a world where I can’t garnish.”

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Survival Seed Bank
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Sharon

Comments

  1. #1 vertalio
    March 14, 2010

    Which begs the question:
    how do you keep zombies out of the garden? Scarecrows ought to attract them.

    More questions;
    Do zombie heads make good fertilizer?
    Do they consume nitrogen in breaking down?
    Are they “brown” or “green” in the compost pile?

    This is important information. Thanks.
    The government can have my pitchfork when they pry it from my muddy, wet fingers!

  2. #2 Brad K.
    March 14, 2010

    A cute comedy skit. Glosses over a few facts, though.

    I mean, a plow whittled out of a downed tree branch has to be simpler to use.

    Others sell the “essential garden kit”, some for survivalists, some for new gardeners. The price of $149 seem about reasonable, depending on what is in it, and how the seeds are preserved. Compare the cost of the seed collection to the list of what is included, the quantities, and how it is packed for longevity. Reputable people selling seed collections usually explain the best way to know the seeds will be useful when you need them – is to plant them and keep seeds each year. That way you know what you have, the seeds are “fresh” enough to do you some good, and you get a chance to tailor the garden to fit your family’s and community’s needs.

  3. #3 Greenpa
    March 14, 2010

    My favorite bit- the barbed wire on the herb tray- :-)

  4. #4 mad the swine
    March 14, 2010

    “Others sell the “essential garden kit”, some for survivalists, some for new gardeners. The price of $149 seem about reasonable, depending on what is in it, and how the seeds are preserved.”

    Um, no. The package these guys sell contains 22 seed packets, standard sizes (or maybe a little larger), ‘heirloom’ varieties. You can get the exact same seed content from heirloomseeds.com (or from other non-scam sources) for less than $2/pack. There is no way in hell that the packaging is worth $100+.

    And given other quotes from the ‘Survival Seed Bank’ site, such as:

    These seeds are true heirlooms and produce extremely nutritious plants. In fact, some studies show that these varieties are up to five times as nutritious as hybrid varieties.

    Remember, non-hybrid seeds can be grown practically anywhere and have the ability to assimilate mineral and trace elements from the soil that man made plants just don’t seem to have. That’s because they were created by God as we read in Genesis[.]

    “Indestructible Survival Seed Bank Can Be Buried To Avoid Confiscation.”

    P.S. One last thought — I want to make SURE you understand how much you’re getting here. If you purchased these same seeds “retail” you could very well pay over $600, if you can even find them. That makes the Survival Seed Bank package a ridiculous bargain.

    It’s a scam. And what may be the worst part of it is that you’re absolutely correct: the best way to store seeds is to grow them and collect new seeds year to year. That’s why you want the non-hybrid strains: hybrids don’t breed true, not that anyone here doesn’t know that :) But these douchebags are marketing their seeds as for emergency use only – hide the special seed tin to ‘avoid confiscation’ (WTF?) and use the seeds only when society collapses around you.

    So… all in all… you’re saving $149.00 off the full price… and you get a waterproof seed bank FREE. That’s right. You can actually bury this unit for 20 years if you like and still have your seeds when you need them most.

    Jerks. I mean, I hate the Glenn Beck ‘buy gold now!’ crap with a passion, but these guys are even worse…

  5. #5 mr_subjunctive
    March 14, 2010

    @vertalio:

    I don’t have the answers for those specific questions, but I did recently write a list of fourteen houseplants I recommend for various practical applications (treatment of burns, perimeter defense, toilet paper) during the Zombie Apocalypse, if you’re interested:

    List: Houseplants You’ll Want to be Growing During the Zombie Apocalypse of 2014

  6. #6 BdN
    March 14, 2010
  7. #7 Susan
    March 15, 2010

    Greenpa, I’m with you…loved the barbed wire!! I want a picture of that for my screen saver!

    Sharon, it’s funny but he DOES have a point…just because society may collapse, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t eat tasty food. It was a point made for humor, but he’s actually hit on a very important point.

    Just sayin’.

  8. #8 EMJ
    March 15, 2010

    What’s hilarious is that conservatives always view concerns about genetically modified crops as something that only crazy hippies believe in or, worse, European socialists trying to undermine the free market. But all you need to do is sell it to them the right way. This reveals that the only ideological commitment that Glenn Beck’s audience has is fear. Sell them that and they’ll buy anything.

  9. #9 Kerrick
    March 15, 2010

    Susan–that’s not Stephen Colbert’s point. I think his point is that survivalists and preparedness people tend to be wacky Glenn Beck cultists who can’t think for themselves. Clearly, that’s not true–I’m a wacky Sharon Astyk cultist!

  10. #10 k8
    March 15, 2010

    Or you could just get your seeds for free.

    http://dinnergarden.org/

    Or donate.

  11. #11 Dunc
    March 16, 2010

    hide the special seed tin to ‘avoid confiscation’ (WTF?)

    Many of the crazies believe that Codex Alimentarius is going to ban growing your own food of any kind, and that governments will be sending out the troops to enforce this any day now. The black helicopters are coming for your guns and your veggies. No, really

    With respect to the title of the post – as a no-digger, I’d say that “when you are plowing the ground with a human femur”, it’s time to reconsider the supposed necessity of tillage. ;)