The Three Laws of Academia

  1. Do not bring the University into Disrepute or through Inaction Allow the University to be Dissed
  2. Bring Funding to the University and do not let the Funding stop through Inaction, Except where such Funding would Conflict with the First Law
  3. Protect your Own Existence as long as Such Protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.


  1. #1 Emory Kimbrough
    December 8, 2011

    Hey, those sound kinda familiar… Come to think of it, replacing all university presidents, coaches, and athletes with robots is a really tempting idea.

  2. #2 Ben
    December 9, 2011

    IMO this implies an optimistically ordered set of priorities. These may be good advice to aspiring academics, but if I had to come up with three rules that universities operate by, they would be:

    1. Make money, don’t get caught, and definitely don’t do anything that makes extra work for the Dean, Provost or Vice President.

    2. You have the right to free speech, as long as you’re not stupid enough to actually try it.

    3. Making money trumps getting caught, if it isn’t a felony.

  3. #3 Steinn Sigurdsson
    December 9, 2011

    “dumb enough”…

  4. #4 Edwin
    December 11, 2011

    Stein: Now re-write Asimov’s “Runaround” for an academic. Endlessly circling the funding pool?

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