Cognitive Daily

i-132358bced14326f04eb1e24af8bf86c-ablounge.jpgAll the ScienceBloggers have been asked to write about the recent invention they could wipe off the face of the earth. Their answers have been the usual suspects: nuclear bombs, land mines — truly awful stuff — and they might be right.

However, I’m not enough of a historian to know what the full impact of nuclear weapons has been. Maybe if the Bomb hadn’t been invented, we would have had a World War III by now. Therefore, I’ve decided to nominate the Ab Lounge. True, it hasn’t caused any wars, but imagine what watching your favorite TV show would be like if you weren’t incessantly tormented during every commercial break by breast-enhanced ditzoids claiming that all you have to do is relax in a lounge chair to have abs solid enough to open beer bottles.

What’s more, removing the Ab Lounge from the universe has absolutely no downside. Those wanting washboard stomachs could still attain them the old fashioned way — through genetic good fortune and thousands and thousands of sit-ups. Credit lines would be freer, attics and yard sales would be less cluttered, and hundreds of UPS and FedEx workers would suffer from fewer hernias.

Of course, after we’ve gotten rid of the Ab Lounge, we’d need to also go after Thigh Master, Ab Slide, Ginsu knives, anything made by Ronco, and pretty much everything sold on this site. But the Ab Lounge would certainly be a good place to start.

Comments

  1. #1 Jason
    May 9, 2006

    How about a special achievement award to Thomas Midgley Jr, who gave us both CFC’s and leaded gasoline.

  2. #2 JayE
    May 9, 2006

    As soon as I saw “Made on TV” I was hoping that someone was going to pick the television as the invention to be done away with. Alas, disappinted yet again.

  3. #3 Jenny
    May 10, 2006

    Worst…invention…ever? That’s easy. Panty hose. The only thing they’re good for is disguising your face while you’re robbing a bank, which should never be encouraged.

  4. #4 Jack Anusoff
    May 10, 2006

    How about a special achievement award to Thomas Midgley Jr, who gave us both CFC’s and leaded gasoline.

    Posted by: Jason | May 9, 2006 02:54 PM

    ———————-

    Man, where would we be if not for leaded gasoline and freon? Freon is still one of the most efficient refrigerants there is. The replacements are less efficient and make compressors work harder for the same cooling effect. The ozone hole is there because it’s so cold at high altitudes over the antarctic. All it takes is dust and ice below -80F and ozone decomposes.

    I mean, why don’t we say that the automobile is the worst invention? It fills the atmosphere with CO2. It requires us to pave everything. It causes urban sprawl and smog. On and on…

    And you picked the wrong exercise equipment. The Thigh Master would have been a better choice. The Ab Lounge actually does save your back when doing crunches and sit ups. Doing it the old fashion way is less efficient and bad for your back. But still, the Thigh Master really does strengthen your thighs and helps women do Kegel exercises. If we’re going to pick useless exercise inventions, this latest Dial-up Dumbell thing from Bowflex is a good candidate.

  5. #5 llewelly
    July 27, 2007

    Cut to the chase. The true evil is television advertising.