Ah, The Onion. I haven’t used them in a while for my Friday Fun and it was feeling like it was way overdue.

As usual, classic stuff: Historians Admit To Inventing Ancient Greeks:

A group of leading historians held a press conference Monday at the National Geographic Society to announce they had “entirely fabricated” ancient Greece, a culture long thought to be the intellectual basis of Western civilization.

The group acknowledged that the idea of a sophisticated, flourishing society existing in Greece more than two millennia ago was a complete fiction created by a team of some two dozen historians, anthropologists, and classicists who worked nonstop between 1971 and 1974 to forge “Greek” documents and artifacts.”

And lest people think that this frivolous article has no bearing on the weighty issues of the day in terms of scholarly communications…

“Honestly, we never meant for things to go this far,” said Professor Gene Haddlebury, who has offered to resign his position as chair of Hellenic Studies at Georgetown University. “We were young and trying to advance our careers, so we just started making things up: Homer, Aristotle, Socrates, Hippocrates, the lever and fulcrum, rhetoric, ethics, all the different kinds of columns–everything.”

See! They were driven to perpetrate the greatest hoax of our times by research metrics!

And there’s even science-y content too:

“Geometry? That was all Kevin,” said Haddlebury, referring to former graduate student Kevin Davenport. “Man, that kid was on fire in those days. They teach Davenportian geometry in high schools now, though of course they call it Euclidean.”

(As a counterpoint to this article, check out this slightly older Onion piece: Archaeologists Unearth Lousiest Civilization Ever.)

Comments

  1. #1 Knurl
    October 8, 2010

    So Prometheus didn’t invent the barbecue? My weekends will never be the same.

  2. #2 Andrew G.
    October 9, 2010

    Paging Jean Hardouin…

  3. #3 John Thielking
    October 11, 2010

    This is obviously a work of fiction since I was learning about the Greek Myths in high school in 1979. School textbooks don’t get updated that fast.

  4. #4 linda
    October 14, 2010

    Really?

    I do not think so. may be they invented that everything is Greek! But I do not think that the masterpieces, philosophers did not exist…may be many of them were Albanians…this is a logical thought since Albanian language is older than Greek..Albanians (Ilirians) have been always there, next to Greek (for not to say before), so how it is possible one populations next to the other for thousand of years did not produce everything where the other produced everything. Then are the archeology and linguistics, is Albanian language that explain that…even the genes.

  5. #5 Gigi
    October 27, 2010

    Linda babe the Albanian language is made out of turkish, Greek, Italian and slavic words.in Fact albanians are not natives of the Mediteranean or the Balkans. Ancient Albania was in Caucasus and Albanians are azeri new comers in the are of the Balkans. They do not speak a word in common with ancient Illyrians and half their country is full of ancient Greek theaters and temples. Sorry but archaeological evidence always come to clear out ignorance

  6. #6 George
    October 30, 2010

    Gigi, it’s alright to hate albanians, but the words you are using to set your kind of propaganda isn’t a very constructive answer to put. You are wrong and your words are nonesense, so please go read a book, before you contribute by your ignorance.

    Thank you.

  7. #7 Mike
    August 27, 2011

    Ha what a bunch of lies… everyone is jealous of what the ancient Greeks did. Thats all this is about

  8. #8 Collin
    August 29, 2011

    @3,4
    This is humor. Please read their disclaimer:
    http://www.theonion.com/faq/#faq-editorial

  9. #9 John Dupuis
    August 30, 2011

    Yeah, Colin. Wow. Sometimes the Internet just surprises the hell out of me.

  10. #10 The Seer
    June 17, 2013

    I’m african american and have no connection to my roots because as most know, my ancestors came here as slaves. I was not privy to knowing how far m
    y roots go back because my people came to america as slaves. Growing up I was always told that africa was the mother of all life and that brown toned people were here first and our history is the purest. Recently I learned that white skin is a mutation that occurred only about 10,000 years ago and also that blue eyes were a mutation. Knowing this has changed everything that I learned in school. Its always been whispered among my family that most history concerning whites was forged. The reason why so many ancient artifacts were missing noses and lips were to hide the african influence in their features. Now hearing that Greece was a large hoax has confirmed what most of my people already knew. By the way guys you shouldn’t be telling anyone to go pick up a book since obviously you can’t believe what they tell you. If this article hasn’t proven that, you guys need to reconsider a lot.

  11. #11 Hasheem Mecca
    June 18, 2013

    Now we know why they referred to Greek history as Mythology..All white people of Europe was taught in Africa..They stole, and even tried to make Kemet(egypt) gods there own, and even tried to to make the culture there own..They were straight savage before being civilized by the Original man, and Women of the planet..

  12. #12 aggelos
    greece
    March 30, 2014

    satyra = satyric is also greek idea a word is born with an idea.

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