OK, the Friday after Halloween. But at least I’m typing this the day after Halloween!

And what might be some of the things you’ll regret the day after Halloween?

Ages 45+: Shot a Kid

And every Halloween, teenagers will come around and shit on your stuff. Sometimes figuratively, but also sometimes not. This will, for lack of a strong enough word, make you unhappy.

So one Halloween, you’ll find yourself lurking in the bushes in front of your house, armed with a garden hose, waiting to douse young punks with righteous, chilly justice. This is fine and normal, and except for the fact that the children will spot you and fire roman candles at you until you cry, is a pretty good plan. Where the plan falls apart is when you rush back in to the house to retrieve your grandfather’s old service pistol, the one he bequeathed to you with the promise that you not do anything stupid with it. You’ve broken that promise once, naming the gun Eleanor, and that night you’ll break it again, when your warning shot successfully warns several children by clipping one of them.

Yep, they’re categorized by age range. The other categories are Ages 17+: Halloween Party Fouls, Ages 12+: Low On Digits and Ages 3+: Ate Too Much Candy.

Enjoy!

(If anyone cares, the reason I’m typing this on Tuesday and scheduling for Friday is because I’m at the Charleston Conference right now.)

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