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Forget that dangnabit “God Particle,” finally one of them there sciencey gizmos has been put to some useful purpose!

Large Hadron Collider finds car keys

It cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since.

‘When the car keys disappeared it soon became clear that there was an effect here that had major ramifications for the world of physics,’ said Cox. ‘The keys had clearly undergone an inter-dimensional shift which had moved them through time, space, or one of the many other dimensions posited to exist, in such a way as to render them invisible to the human eye. Also, the car had been clamped and was clocking up £100 a day in storage charges, so it was vital we found an answer quick.’

*snip*

Cox is now hoping to win the Nobel prize with his discovery in order to help pay off the massive fine that is due to get his car unclamped.

Yes, that Brian Cox.

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