Oh, The Onion. You are so wonderful and your take on the world of patents is so spot on that it hurts.

What are patents for, anyways?

Here’s a bit of an excerpt from their 11 Step Program. Drop by the site to see the rest. Brilliant.

Step 1: First, come up with something really cool, like a cheese grater that works in both directions. Oh shit, don’t steal that one! That’s mine!

Step 2: Research the marketplace to find out if your idea is original or if some asshole has already stolen it from you
Step 11:
Spend remainder of bitter, unnaturally truncated life filing lawsuits to protect patent

For your edification, here are a couple of readings on the state of the patent world.


  1. #1 Simon Pratt
    February 5, 2016

    Thanks John,

    Thought I would share a couple of my favourite patents:

    Centrifugal Birthing Table, just look at the pictures!

    User-operated amusement apparatus for kicking the user’s buttocks:

    Catflap that detects the colour of the cat and if it is not the right colour, sends down a nuclear bomb from orbit to kill the cat.

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