Friday Fun: Why Professor Indiana Jones Was Hated By His Colleagues

Yeah, you have to figure good old Indy wasn't much of an academic colleague. Too flashy, never around to sit on a search committee, never willing to take his turn as chair, always blowing up the wrong building or disrupting the wrong classroom. And then there's the ghosts and arcs and demons and what not. And not even a book chapter or high-impact-factor publication to show for it! What, Science or Nature should have been beating down his door!

Well, let's see what his colleagues had to say about all this!

Why Professor Indiana Jones Was Hated By His Colleagues

Aug. 27, 1936

Dr. Henry Walton "Indiana" Jones
Marshall College School of Archaeology
1271 Slocombe Rd., Bedford, CT 10508

Dear Dr. Jones,

We are proud to say that the editorial board of the Marshall College Archaeological Review has accepted your submission for publication in our fall issue. However, we do have a few notes for your draft before we move forward.

The Title

Though your findings are certainly incredible and we understand your enthusiasm, we must say that the title "God Melted Some Nazi Faces In Front Of Me" simply doesn't fit our journal's aesthetic. I am only more distressed by the title when I read the first sentence of your abstract, which states "At least I think that's what happened. Really, I just closed my eyes for a while, and when I opened them, all the Nazis had melted." As men of science, it is our academic duty to at least entertain the notion that there was a corrosive substance inside the Ark of the Covenant that killed them. Or perhaps there was some sort of violent squabble that erupted while you and Miss Ravenwood had your eyes shut. Or anything, really. Any explanation beyond "God did it" should, at the very least, be mentioned. This segues nicely into my next concern.

*snip*

Dr. Henry Walton "Indiana" Jones
Marshall College School of Archaeology
1271 Slocombe Rd., Bedford, CT 10508

Dr. Indiana Jones,

We regret to inform you that your article, titled "Magic Exists And Also I Saved A Bunch Of Child Slaves" has not been accepted for publication in the summer issue of the Marshall College Archaeological Review. We do, however, have some notes regarding the use of your travel stipend, your continued irreverence for the methodology of our profession, and your previous as yet unpublished article still titled "God Melted Some Nazi Faces In Front Of Me."

*snip*

July 19, 1939

Dr. Henry Walton "Indiana" Jones
Marshall College School of Archaeology
1271 Slocombe Rd., Bedford, CT 10508

Dr. Jones,

Are you taunting me with these submission? I can't help but feel that every single piece of feedback I've given you is being thrown in my face in your latest submission, titled "I Met A Thousand-Year-Old Knight And Drank From Jesus' Wine Glass And Fucked A Hot Nazi Spy."

You get the idea. To get the full flavour of his journal correspondence, read the full exposé with the full text of the shocking letters!