They write poems about me

There seems to have been an outbreak of poetry about me from Right Wing Death Poets (RWDPs). Tim Blair:

He was a hero to the blogosphere
Across this wide brown land
Tim Lambert of Scienceblogs.com
With his clue stick in his hand

The mighty throbbing clue stick!
Tim gripped it like a lance
And stroked and loved and cared for it
He housed it in his pants

Then the clue stick ceased to function
Its mojo all was spent
Tim whipped it out and waved it ’round
But what had been had … went

Tim needed inspiration
It came one day in class
“Hey, fatso!” yelled a student
“Shove your clue stick up your arse!”

Lambert took him literally
(Which is the Lambert way)
And that’s why Tim is smiling
At top left of screen today

It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it. I give it a 7!

Jason Soon:

Shiny the pint sized ‘scientist’
Had a very shiny forehead
And if you ever saw it
In the water you’d know it’d sink like lead

All of the other scientists
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Shiny
Join in their peer reviewed games

Then one foggy X’mas eve
Santa came to say
Shiny with your forehead so bright
Won’t you write for Prospect tonight?

Incorrect punctuation and doesn’t scan. 4.

Comments

#1 Bernard J.
July 16, 2008

I’m a great one for iambic pentameter, and I enjoy incisive parody and satire as much as the next smart alec, but this is rather purile stuff, isn’t it?

Personally, I’d be embarrassed to put my name to such school-boy doggerel.
#2 bi -- IJI
July 16, 2008

We needs a poll, we definitely does:

> Blogger, blogger in the mall,
Who’s the Poet That Rules All?

> ( ) Frank Bi
( ) Tim Blair
( ) Marion Delgado
( ) Horatio Algeranon
( ) William Shakespeare
( ) Jason Soon
( ) More than one of the above
( ) You all suck
#3 Zarquon
July 16, 2008

So RWDBs are really Vogons? (“They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy – not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous.”)
#4 Barton Paul Levenson
July 16, 2008

Lots of amateur poetry here. The second one especially — the widespread idea that as long as it rhymes, it doesn’t matter that there’s consistent meter.
#5 Barton Paul Levenson
July 16, 2008

That there’s NO consistent meter, I meant to say. My bad.
#6 Eli Rabett`
July 16, 2008

Now that I had my coffee, wipe those last two out please

Let’s sing that again

There was a blogger from Sout Wales

Who destroyed pro-ddt tales

Made McKitrick and Blair

Monckton, Michaels dispair

And inspired bad poetry
#7 anthony
July 16, 2008

Sad, and not in an his soul shall taste the sadness of her might way.

moon spoon baboon
#8 pough
July 16, 2008

Blair’s ain’t bad. Derivative of the Police’s Be My Girl Sally, but I’m inclined to give it extra points for that.
#9 mister z
July 16, 2008

Coming soon as a major motion picture…. The Right Wing Death Poets Society!

“Herr Kapitan, Mein Kapitan!” Set in 1974 in the Whitlamesque humanities faculty of a major Australian university, it tells the story of an eccentric German teacher who through poetry inspires his students towards a life of kerning, scholarly analysis of Michael Moore’s waistline, and imperviously conforming to his delusional conservative ideas…
#10 Majorajam
July 16, 2008

Yeah, Blair’s is pretty good except- ‘clue stick’? With hope that was a function of haste. The second one is disgraceful. Author should be taken out to the woodshed and put down.

Hey, if you weren’t successful, they wouldn’t even know your name.
#11 Barton Paul Levenson
July 16, 2008

Computer scientist Tim Lambert blogged
Some articles on climate that defogged
And pointed out mistakes
By writers who were fakes
And had their errors neatly pinned and logged.

Deniers on their own blogs felt despair
And cried that Lambert’s tactics were unfair
To one whose head’s a pin
The only thing’s to win
By posting crackpot science everywhere.

But pointing out its crackpothood is mean
And calling liars liars is obscene.
So Tim must be a rat
And like Al Gore, he’s fat!
‘Cause only the denialists are lean!

So they called Tim Gestapo, Nazi, worse,
And tried to do ad hominem in verse.
But all they knew of meter
Was that rhyme was much sweeter
And lousy verse facilitated curse.

Be gone, have done! The problem now at hand
Is AGW throughout the land.
And personalities
Whether or not they please
Are not germane to science’s demand.

Blog on, Tim, and whatever others may,
To (late in time) attempt to save the day.
We all must speak the truth
Poetic or uncouth
And hope the world hears what we have to say.
#12 stewart
July 16, 2008

Someone needs to put a call out to Cuttlefish, generally seen at Pharyngula.
#13 Steve
July 17, 2008

Its a shame TimB’s wit and humour and talent never manage to get beyond quips and sarcasm. He should do more serious journalism/opinion writing instead of his usual lazy op-ed. He could be everything that Gerard Henderson is not (ie informative, insightful, lively, entertaining). Even “op-ed” is a bit beyond what TimB currently does – link to someone else’s news and add a quip. Its not really much of an opinion is it?

Reading TimB’s blog/articles is like watching Seinfeld re-runs for the 20th time. I don’t know how he doesn’t get bored, I hate to see a good mind just cruising like that.
#14 Magpie
July 17, 2008

Oh to have opponents whose “attacks” are essentially a rephrasing of “kick me I’m stupid”.
#15 z
July 17, 2008

“There once was a man from JunkScience…”
#16 Bill O'Slatter
July 18, 2008

Magpie , you think timb has got a good mind : I think he’s a stupid idiot and determinedly so. Oh well that poetry to Timl proves his gender preference , not that there’s anything wrong with that.
#17 dsquared
July 18, 2008

does anyone remember Hillaire Belloc’s Cautionary Tale of Timmy Blair, who heard the facts but didn’t care?
#18 bi -- IJI
July 18, 2008

z:

There once was a man from Junkscience
Who wanted to join the Einsteins
He took out some cash
L-W to crash
But papercuts hurt him — those tines!

Ugh, that sucked.
#19 Magpie
July 18, 2008

Sorry Bill, I wasn’t clear. I was talking about TimL’s enemies, who represent an inexhaustible source of idiocy to be mocked.
#20 hamishm
July 19, 2008

Look out Tim you’ve upset some 14 year old schoolboys at the back of the bikesheds.
Next week: humorous limericks
#21 Tim Lambert
July 22, 2008

Wannabe Vogon Jason Soon [has another go](http://catallaxyfiles.com/?p=3648&cp=all#comment-102709)

>Shiny the short science worker
Had a very bulbous head
And if you ever saw it
You’d say it was painted in pomade

>All of the IT guys
When blinded knew who to blame
They wouldn’t let poor Shiny
Join in any cricket games

>Then one scorching X’mas eve
The Ruddster came to say
Shiny with your forehead so bright
Help me reduce our dependence on fossil fuels tonight

>Then all the people loved him
As they shouted out with glee
“Shiny you gave your life to become a solar panel
You’ll go down in history!’

(Plus check out the breathtaking dishonesty about the Ofcom decision by Soon and co in that thread.)
#22 Barton Paul Levenson
July 23, 2008

Jason still doesn’t get the meter thing, I see.