Dispatches from the Creation Wars

I hate this game!

Okay, so I love poker. But last night was the most frustrating night of poker I think I’ve ever had. We had a new guy at the game, Joe. He works near us and my brother invited him to the game. Joe was simply the worst poker player I’ve ever seen in my life. He lost at least $250 in less than an hour and a half by calling down every single hand, no matter what he had or what others potentially had. He’d stay on a 5 9 and the flop would come AK9 or AK5 and he would call big bets all the way to the showdown, turn over his bottom pair and be shocked that he didn’t win. He was a total moron, and he pulled another $50 out of his wallet every 10 or 15 minutes due to being a total moron.

But the thing that pisses me off about this is that I got none of his money because I had the most horrific run of cards I’ve ever seen. The few times when I had anything other than 2 7 or 3 10 offsuit (I can’t even count how many times I saw those cards), the flop would miss me completely and show 4 to a straight or a flush. In fact, all of this idiot’s money went to our regular game dead money, Jeff. He had gone from $50 to over $300 in the first hour as he caught a huge rush of cards and the new idiot called him down on every single hand.

I knew that having a huge stack would cause Jeff to bet even more stupidly than he usually does, so I knew that if I just waited patiently I’d win some big pots with these two guys to my right to bet into me. So I waited. And waited. I’d pick up something playable and the flop would miss me entirely. I’d get AK of clubs in the hole and the flop would come 789 of hearts, with another heart hitting the river, or an open ended straight on the board I didn’t have a piece of. The cards were absolutely apocalyptic for me, with hundreds of dollars in dead money beckoning to me seductively. When I wasn’t folding pre-flop, I was throwing in a small raise and then having to fold to a big raise after the flop.

True to form, Jeff not only lost back the entire stack of chips he had won in the first hour by the end of the night, but had emptied his wallet and borrowed $50 from Scott as well. And I got NONE of that money. It was like being a kid in a lockjaw ward and having someone pass out candy. It was like being a eunech on the set of a porn film. It was as frustrating as any poker night I’ve ever had. Ah well. That’s why I can hate the game and love it at the same time.


  1. #1 Morat
    May 27, 2004

    I was playing single-deck blackjack on my first Vegas trip, and I saw the dealer have the best run I’d ever seen.

    Nine times I stood on 20, and nine times I lost. Not “pushed”. Lost. And not to a single blackjack.

    I couldn’t believe if. If I hadn’t been at a reputable casino, I’d have sworn blind that the game was rigged.

    Of course, the day before I’d been dealt a JQK of hearts, and the dealer nicely flipped the Ace and the 10 of hearts.

    “Let it Ride” isn’t as invogorating as poker, but I was quite satisfied with that.

    Still, I sympathize. I’ve seen runs of cards like that. It sucks to be on the short end.

  2. #2 flatlander100
    May 27, 2004

    Precisely why “luck of the draw” has entered American English and acheived the status of cliche.

  3. #3 Morat
    May 27, 2004

    Oh, I should point out: The reason I play table games at Vegas, and not poker, is that I try to pick games where the House edge is less than, say, 5% or so.

    In poker, if I’m playing against competent people, let us just say their edge is a bit more than 10%.

    Now spades, or chess…..That’s different. 🙂

  4. #4 carpundit
    May 27, 2004

    Um, any chance Joe reads your blog? You might lose your chance to take another run at the cash in his wallet.

  5. #5 Ed Brayton
    May 27, 2004

    LOL. No. In fact, I’m not sure Joe can read at all. He works in a lumber yard near our office. My brother was there to pick up some drywall for a project and somehow or other ended up inviting him. I hope Joe shows up every week.

  6. #6 Morat
    May 28, 2004

    You should sandbag a little. 🙂 When I saw that idiot split Jacks — and WIN — I figured Vegas would make up for that stupid move pretty quickly.

    I’d imagine that guy will go years before he realizes you shouldn’t split face cards. God knows how much money that’ll cost him.

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