Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Real Idiot of the Month: Charles Colson

There’s nothing more annoying than finding a really good Idiot of the Month nominee, putting it up, and then finding someone a day or two later who makes the first nominee sound like Mortimer Adler by comparison (okay, that’s an exaggeration. There is something more annoying than that. Need I mention Celine Dion?). But yes, it has happened again, and I’m afraid David Morrell is going to have to surrender his recent award to none other than Watergate-crook-turned-evangelist-fraud Charles Colson for this unrelentingly idiotic screed in Christianity Today. Just look at this:


We must be careful not to blame innocent Americans for murderous attacks against them. At the same time, let’s acknowledge that America’s increasing decadence is giving aid and comfort to the enemy. When we tolerate trash on television, permit pornography to invade our homes via the internet, and allow babies to be killed at the point of birth, we are inflaming radical Islam.

Radical Islamists were surely watching in July when the Senate voted on procedural grounds to do away with the Federal Marriage Amendment. This is like handing moral weapons of mass destruction to those who use America’s decadence to recruit more snipers and hijackers and suicide bombers.

One vital goal of the war in Iraq, and the war against terrorism, is to bring democracy to the heart of the Islamic world. Our hope is to make freedom so attractive that other Muslim countries will follow suit. But when radical Islamists see American women abusing Muslim men, as they did in the Abu Ghraib prison, and when they see news coverage of same-sex couples being “married” in U.S. towns, we make our kind of freedom abhorrent–the kind they see as a blot on Allah’s creation.

Preserving traditional marriage in order to protect children is a crucially important goal by itself. But it’s also about protecting the United States from those who would use our depravity to destroy us…

This makes reversing U.S. decadence an urgent priority, not just for Christians, but for all Americans. If our cultural rot continues unabated, a Talibanized West may no longer be a joke, but grim reality.

By God, I think Colson’s nailed it! What a brilliant idea. If they “hate us for our freedom”, as President Bush keeps intoning in what is simply one of the most idiotic phrases ever uttered by a politician (and imagine the kind of competition that designation comes with), then the solution is simple – get rid of our freedom! Is it really possible that Colson is so incredibly stupid that he doesn’t recognize the contradiction at the heart of his suggestion? He is proposing that we convert ourselves into a Talibanized society in order to keep the radical Islamists from trying to force us to Talibanize our society. Great idea, Chucky.

In fact, while we’re at it, let’s ban alcohol (hey, that worked out really well the first time, didn’t it?) and the eating of pork. Let’s create a Department of Homeland Morality, complete with roving gangs of armed thugs that randomly check females for virginity. I mean, there’s nothing that pisses off the Islamists more than slutty women and, as you said, we must reverse our decadence in order to assuage the terrorists. In fact, let’s start dressing women up as beekeepers just to make sure no man is tempted to want to have sex with them. Let’s shut down the internet, since it’s so full of decadence, and let’s start banning books too.

In fact, instead of fighting against the Shiite cleric Al-Sistani in Iraq, let’s just invite him to America to take over as our Grand Ayatollah and he can institute Sharia law here in the US. That will certainly reverse our decadence and keep the terrorists at bay. By God, if they hate us for our freedom, we’ll outsmart those ignorant savages – we’ll get rid of our freedom. Then what will you fight against, you bunch of barbarians?

Charles Colson, you are officially our idiot of the month. In fact, I am going to extend some additional honors upon you as well. Not only are you the idiot of the month, you’re the braindead cretin of the month and the muddleheaded halfwit of the month as well. But thank you for demonstrating for us so powerfully and perfectly that the religious right in America has the same goals as the religious right in the Middle East. Thank you for demonstrating that you and your ilk hate us for our freedom too, and will use any excuse, no matter how moronic and contradictory, to try and eliminate it.

Comments

  1. #1 TikiGod666
    September 26, 2004

    Isn’t it funny, when liberals suggest ways to provoke Islamic terrorists less (pulling out of Saudi Arabia, dealing more equitably with Israel/Palestine), we are placators of evil, literal Benedict Arnolds or Judases.

    But when Christians conservatives like Chuck Colson suggest a way to lessen provokation of Islamic terrorists (burning more sodomites, locking up the women), they are simply talking sober good sense!

    Weird!

    Refreshingly, from reading the commments there on Christianity Today, some (a few) readers are not willing to go as far as Mr. Colson… One of the commenters does say, chillingly, “Unfortunately, this is not a theocracy.”

    Yeah. Unfortunately.

  2. #2 raj
    September 26, 2004

    Perhaps you should also consider giving a “lunatic” award to “Christianity Today.” They were the ones who chose to publish the stupid piece of lunacy.

  3. #3 TikiGod666
    September 26, 2004

    I am reminded of an old Ray Davies Rock Opera… Pservation Acts 1 and 2 — there was a villain, Mr Black and The New Centurions… Have never found a copy or mp3, but I remember from 70s radio:

    (paraphrase fom memory)

    “Put all the fags in jail
    Bring back the badge and the cat o’ nine tails

    Bring back the stocks and the axeman’s blood
    Bring back corporal punishment
    Let righteousness prevail!

    We are the National Guard, Shepherds of the nation
    against filth and degradation….”

    Seems appropriate to Mr. Colson.

  4. #4 TikiGod666
    September 26, 2004

    Ummm… I meant to type “Preservation Acts 1 and 2″

    Sorry.

  5. #5 Andrew Reeves
    September 26, 2004

    This rather confirms the feeling I’ve had for a long time, namely, that Colson et al. don’t object to radical Islam because of its practices. These folks object to radical Islam because they believe that Jesus Christ was a prophet rather than the incarnate second person of the Holy Trinity. It’s a bit disturbing to mentally compare the televised images of bin Laden proclaiming that Allah smote America for its wickedness and Falwell and Robertson proclaiming that the Triune God smote America for its wickedness.

  6. #6 Matthew Phillips
    September 26, 2004

    Slight error:

    Sistani is the moderate. al-Sadr is the radical.

  7. #7 Ed Brayton
    September 27, 2004

    Matthew-

    Naming Sistani was not an error. I suppose one could call him a moderate in comparison to al-Sadr because he’s not calling his followers to kill Americans, but in the context in which I named him, he is anything but a moderate. He is a dogmatic advocate of a very repressive version of Sharia law. That’s why I named him specifically.

  8. #8 NancyP
    September 27, 2004

    Hard to top this.

    Most amazing, and also depressingly typical for a conservative Christian, is the failure to acknowledge that the main thing radical Islam has against the US is its unqualified support of Israel (I am not going to get into the issue of how much support the US should be giving Israel, so don’t get ballistic, folks).

    Blaming it all on uppity women, and using the example of the women who put leashes on male prisoners, is missing the point – every sentient being on the planet was outraged by the Abu Ghraib abuses by male and female soldiers. (That means Rush LimpBoy isn’t sentient, btw).

  9. #9 Chris Krolczyk
    September 27, 2004

    Congrats to Chucky Colson for actually besting David Morrell in terms of sheer idiocy.

    You’ve got to hand it to a man who thinks that we need to redefine “freedom” in a way acceptable to any fundamentalist wackjob, whether of the Muslim persuasion or otherwise. As a friend of mine once said, “that takes a special kind of stupid”.