Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Christian Lending Principles?

Since I’m in the mortgage business, the frequent spam emails I get promising the lowest rates ever regardless of credit just get deleted out. But a few minutes ago, I got one that caught my attention, from ChristianMortgageUSA.com.

Refinance Your Home with Christian Lending Partners says my “lending advisor with biblical values.” I sure hope that doesn’t mean that they’ll be using the interest they charge me to smite an infidel or stone a homosexual. More and more, I am inclined to cheer Bill Hicks’ suggestion that anyone in advertising or marketing should kill themselves because they are Satan’s little helpers filling the planet with filth and bile. Oh, the irony.

Postscript: When you click on the site’s name, it pops up an advertisement with a barely clothed Christina Aguilera. How perfect is that?

Comments

  1. #1 Ruidh
    September 27, 2004

    Hay! Sounds like a great deal! Since the Bible forbids lending money at interest, you should be able to get a very attractive payment schedule. Plus, the Bible says that all loans are forgiven during a Jubilee year and one of those might be coming around.

  2. #2 Steve Reuland
    September 27, 2004

    I thought Jesus didn’t like usury. Does infusing Biblical values into their mortgage business mean that they’ll be lending me money at 0%?

  3. #3 OGeorge
    September 27, 2004

    Bill Hicks would have loved Christina Aguilera popping up half-naked over the Christians! I was just listening to a recorded Hick’s rant on the first President Bush. If he hadn’t died so young the second coming of Bush might have killed him.

    BTW Ruihd, American Christian capitalists have little to do with the actual teachings of pennyless, shoeless carpenters from Galilee. 0% my ass!

  4. #4 Ed Brayton
    September 27, 2004

    Bill Hicks would have loved Christina Aguilera popping up half-naked over the Christians! I was just listening to a recorded Hick’s rant on the first President Bush. If he hadn’t died so young the second coming of Bush might have killed him.

    Oh man, no kidding. Hicks is on the same cloud with HL Mencken. Both men are the kind you continually think, “Dammit, I wish they were alive. I wanna hear what they’d be saying about this.”

  5. #5 Dan
    September 27, 2004

    Boy, those clever “Christians” have really got it going on. Here, I learn you can finance your loan the Christian way. I wonder if they throw in eternal salvation to sweeten the deal, along with no points and low closing costs. Jeez, Ed, how do you compete with that?? I mean, if you just give away a lousy pen or a calendar – that doesn’t stack up too well.

    And I constantly get bombarded with spam emails telling me I can “eliminate my debts the Christian way.” Seriously. Rip-off your creditors (presumably not if it was a Christian outfit that got you the loan in the first instance?), but with a “Christian” twist. I’m not sure of the particulars of this “Christian” debt-elimination plan, but I suspect it involves praying for the souls of the evil money-changers at the same time you’re screwing them out of your debts. And of course, these same “Christians” appear to have no second thoughts at all about violating the federal anti-spamming statute.

    Somehow, the whole thing seems a bit…I don’t know – hypocritical?

  6. #6 KeithB
    September 27, 2004

    I got involved with a “christian” mortgage place for a while, but backed out when I heard the scheme:

    You get a loan at above-market rates for a month or so and get “anti-points” – the funder gives you cash for taking an above-market rate.

    After the few months you re-fi at a market rate and use the money from the “anti-points” to fund the difference in the payment, pay the loan fees and possibly put some cash in your pocket.

    Has anybody else heard of this scheme?

  7. #7 Lynn
    September 27, 2004

    Ed honey, of course you didn’t look at Christina Aguilera’s half nude popup did you ? LOL I know you covered your eyes LOL

  8. #8 Ed Brayton
    September 28, 2004

    Keith-

    I’ve never heard of a loan like that, but it sure sounds like a scam to me. If the lender is bumping the rate up and giving the points to you, it’s going to take them more than a few months to make up the difference in interest, so there has to be something else going on there.

  9. #9 Ed Brayton
    September 28, 2004

    Ed honey, of course you didn’t look at Christina Aguilera’s half nude popup did you ? LOL I know you covered your eyes LOL

    LOL. I covered Chuck Colson’s eyes.

  10. #10 Dan
    September 28, 2004

    I’ve never heard of a loan like that, but it sure sounds like a scam to me. If the lender is bumping the rate up and giving the points to you, it’s going to take them more than a few months to make up the difference in interest, so there has to be something else going on there.

    Ed, I’m SO disappointed. I even deferred comment, thinking that you’d tee this one up. Since you haven’t, I can’t resist.

    “Anti-points?” Hmmm…sounds an awful lot like the Anti-Christ to me. (In best Dana Carvey, Church-Lady voice): “Could it be that this program is actually sponsored by – SATAN???”

  11. #11 Ed Brayton
    September 28, 2004

    LOL Dan. That totally got by me.

  12. #12 KeithB
    September 28, 2004

    Here is a site that discusses a similar scheme:
    http://www.mtgprofessor.com/A%20-%20Refinance/periodic_refis_who_gets_conned.htm

    They worked out the details enough for me to figure out that it would work, but upon reflection, it seemed to me that it was the bank that would lose and the poor (probably literally!) guys that have to take the higher rate due to poor credit.

    Finally, when he said that he would pay me $100 dollars if I referred any new clients, I figured that there was too much money left on the table.