I should have learned my lesson about naming an Idiot of the Month too early in the month. In America, just when you think you’ve found the bottom of the barrell, you discover that it’s barrells all the way down. Joseph Swank, move over. You’ve been out-moroned by Rep. Gerald Allen, a state Congressman from Alabama. In a move that would make George Wallace smile, Allen has proposed a bill that would ban any and all books that have gay characters in them from public libraries, in order to protect children from “the homosexual agenda”:
Allen said that if his bill passes, novels with gay protagonists and college textbooks that suggest homosexuality is natural would have to be removed from library shelves and destroyed.
“I guess we dig a big hole and dump them in and bury them,” he said.
Could we dump this cretin into the hole and bury him instead? The world will lose far less of value. Allen’s bill would also ban any school funds from doing anything at all that included gay characters. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Nope, not in Alabama, son. It’s got queers in it. Lynne Cheney’s lesbian novel, Sisters? Sorry kid, not even Republican lesbian novels are allowed here. The Color Purple? Surely you jest, boy. That book not only has queers, it has queer negros in it!
Apparently, homosexuality is so damn tempting that you can turn gay just from reading about gay people! In fact, I’ve noticed that a lotta gay people like to read. Maybe reading itself turns people gay. By God, we’ve got a new law – ban all books. Books lead to thinkin’, which leads to smoking marijuana, which leads to jazz music and rapin’ white women. That book learnin’ may be fine for some, but it don’t put squirrel on the table.
And remember, this comes after the American Family Association started a stink over gay vegetarian sharks in a Disney movie. And let’s not forget Jerry Falwell outing Tinky Winky. Have these people lost their minds? Or did they never have minds in the first place?
By the way, Rep. Allen’s office phone number is (334) 242-7758. His home phone number is (205) 556-5310. I think everyone should give him a call and let him know what a fucking moron he is.