Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Hans Zeiger Earns Robert O’Brien Trophy

Hans Zeiger, the Hillsdale College student and budding right wing pundit, is the latest winner of the Robert O’Brien Tropy (formerly the Idiot of the Month Award) for this frontal assault on the intellect published, naturally, on the Worldnutdaily. It seems Zeiger has his panties in a wad because his old high school newspaper contained a couple of ads offering free birth control to the students there:

“Need Free Birth Control?” asked the first ad for the Federal Way Public Health Center. “FREE … Condoms! Morning After Pill! Pregnancy tests! STD tests! Public Health Teen Clinic can help! Wednesday Walk-In Only for Teens, 2:30-5.”

The next ad was for “Free Birth Control for 1 Year at Planned Parenthood.” The Seattle and King County Public Health Department (taxpayers) funded the first ad, and taxpayers offset the funding for the second ad.

He’s so cheesed off that he wrote a letter to the editor of that student paper threatening to “seek recourse at the administrative and district levels.” Oooh, he’s gonna tell mommy on you! And better yet, this muddle-brained moron has the audacity to compare this to slavery!

I suppose that similar advertisements appeared in American newspapers of the 18th and 19th century to promote the slave trade. Their modern counterparts are worse, for not only do these family planning advertisements propose the very abolition of life and character beneath their friendly invitations to the clinic, they are funded – directly or indirectly – by you and me.

Uh, yeah Hans. Giving out free condoms to teenagers so they can avoid getting pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease and potentially ruining their life is just like slavery. I mean, without all the beatings and deaths and kidnappings and inhumanity and stuff. Other than that, they’re virtually identical. How the hell did you get into Hillsdale with this kind of pinheaded thinking?

Let me clue you in on something, Hans. In virtually every Western European nation, they don’t need ads like that because the schools themselves hand out condoms and other forms of birth control to students free of charge. They take out public service announcements telling them about the importance of using them if they’re going to have sex. They offer free and anonymous testing for STDs and for pregnancy. In the US, we don’t do that. And guess what the result is?

The US rates of teen pregnancy and STDs are more than double that of any of those nations. More than double. The rate of teen pregnancy in the US is seven times the rate in the Netherlands. But that’s not all. Despite the widespread availability of birth control, which halfwits like you think will only lead to more teen sex, the average age at which teens start having sex in the Netherlands is older than American teens (15.8 vs. 17.7). They also have fewer partners on average than American teens. And this ought to please your little right wing heart – they also have abortions at one-seventh the rate as American teens (29.2 per 1000 vs. 4 per 1000). Our kids also get AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases at several times the rate of teens throughout Europe.

You’re not only wrong, you’re dangerously wrong and your efforts can only result in more teenagers ruining their lives rather than being responsible. I’m sure you’ll feel plenty smug about standing up for moral uprightness, but the results of what you seek will only further destroy the futures of far too many American teens. For that, you have earned the Robert O’Brien Trophy. And since you’re an Eagle Scout, we’ll also thrown in a Stupidity Badge.


  1. #1 Matthew Phillips
    December 22, 2004

    Great post.

  2. #2 Aaron
    December 22, 2004

    An ad for free condoms worse than promoting the slave trade! Speaking of slaves, we should find some of those old handcuffs they used and see if they can be fashioned to lock up all our youths penises and vaginas and don’t unlock them till they engage in heterosexual marriage! Much better use of taxpayer’s money. Wow- this reminds of the ideas in the 18th and 19th century to discover electricity, only better cause there’s not that annoying static shock!

  3. #3 Dave
    December 22, 2004

    Excellent post. I blog in response here.

    Yours is one of my new favorite blogs.

  4. #4 OGeorge
    December 22, 2004

    Aurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! There simply are no words.

  5. #5 Chris Krolczyk
    December 22, 2004


    An ad for free condoms worse than promoting the slave trade!

    Two points:

    1) Mr. Zeiger seems to be unclear on the concept that hyperbole may not always be the best way to get your point across;

    2) It was published in WorldNutDaily. What’d you expect, logic?

  6. #6 Hans
    December 22, 2004

    Sex is scary and bad and I wish no teenagers would ever have sex becuase I never could get laid when I was a teenager.

    So stop even mentioning condoms it makes me feel all icky and irrational until I think of Jesus and then I feel okay but you’re not, you’re scary for making me think of teens having sex.

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