Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Jason Kuznicki is off to the Carolinas to spend the holidays with his in-laws and leaves us with a great post offering a history of Festivus that no true Seinfeld fan would need. But more than that, he also includes a link to this absolutely precious anti-gay rant, which has to be seen to be believed. In all its glory:

Today as of November 23th tuesday 2004 8:20 PM, I DECLARE FULL OFFENSIVE WAR on the TERRIBLE DISGUSTING SEX OFFENDERS TO THE LIKES OF HOMOSEXUALS, LESBIANS AND THE OTHER WORST SEX OFFENDERS LIKE PEDOPHILES, RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS!!!. HOMOSEXUALS YOUR HORRIBLE DISGUSTING “FREEDOM” “RIGHTEOUS” INFLUENCE has advanced too far beyond the limits of fine good innocent people that CANNOT BE FURTHER TOLERATED ANY LONGER!! THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!! I WILL PULL TOGETHER ALL MY RESOURCES and make sure that the DISGUSTING HORRIBLE PERVERTED evil DEPRAVED PERVERTED life that you once knew will SEIZE TO EXIST!!! You WILL NO LONGER spread your HORRIBLE DISGUSTING PROPAGANDA on HOMOSEXUALITY so as to BRAINWASH AND INFLUENCE the people around you to EVEN TOLERATE this EVIL IMMORAL DECADENT DEPRAVED kind of “LIFE”. TO EVEN TOLERATE HOMOSEXUALS IS THE SAME AS TOLERATING SEX OFFENDERS LIKE PEDOPHILES, RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS!!! HOMOSEXUALS your HORRIBLE ACTS PROSTITUTE yourself and BETRAY the good conscience you were born with! All your HARMFUL DISGUSTING institutions of GAY SEX SPAS, GAY SHOPS AND GAY CLUBS WILL ALL BE TAKEN DOWN!!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT I DO NOT SPEAK FOR NOTHING. The “GOOD” times that you once knew will SEIZE TO EXIST!!! I WILL EXPOSE ALL THE IMMORAL DEPRAVED THINGS THAT YOU DO AND EXPOSE IT TO EVERYONE! HOMOSEXUALS, LESBIANS AND SEX OFFENDERS LIKE PEDOPHILES, RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS you will ALL PERISH!!!

THE WAR HAS BEGUN!!!

I can’t even begin to parody that. Don’t look now, he’s pulling together all his resources, which I imagine means turning in all his empty Busch Light cans and selling his Elvis commemorative spitcup. As Lynn said when she read it, it starts out as something threatening, something you should get angry about. But by the end of it, you just can’t help but laugh because you know that the worst this goober is gonna do is down a few too many cheap beers, tip a cow or two, take his shirt off and end up on Cops. And perhaps, ironically, some poor unsuspecting sheep may be in for a surprise.

Comments

#1 Dan
December 22, 2004

You know, Ed, it always seems to happen this way. No sooner do you announce this month’s Robert O’Brien Trophy winner — and a whackjob like this shows up. Perhaps there should be different categories of the award? Our buddy Hans could win in the “Outstanding Public Display of Ignorance” category, while this lunatic could take home the “Clearly Off His Medications” category?

Just a thought. So many idiots, so few awards.
#2 mist
December 22, 2004

Seize… Cease…. it’s all the same when you’re gay bashing I suppose. I think that needs to go on my refrigerator as a ‘daily inspiration’ messsage,
#3 Electric
December 22, 2004

As silly as this is, this is a dime a dozen in random areas on the internet. Save your attention for those who write coherantly and have potential to be taken seriously by a large enough group of people. It’s a far more prudent way to spend your time and reading space.
#4 Ed Brayton
December 22, 2004

You know, Ed, it always seems to happen this way. No sooner do you announce this month’s Robert O’Brien Trophy winner — and a whackjob like this shows up. Perhaps there should be different categories of the award? Our buddy Hans could win in the “Outstanding Public Display of Ignorance” category, while this lunatic could take home the “Clearly Off His Medications” category?

LOL.
#5 Lynn
December 22, 2004

Now I am worried!! “The war has begun”

I figure at any moment my gay and lesbian friends will disappear off the face of this earth.

We need Spider Man to help us defend our gay friends.
#6 Ed Brayton
December 22, 2004

LOL honey. Gomer done got his dander up. Flee, ya’ll!
#7 SharonB
December 22, 2004

I just hope this nutjob has no private arsenal.

Seriously!
#8 Dan
December 22, 2004

As silly as this is, this is a dime a dozen in random areas on the internet.

Sadly, you are correct on this count.

Save your attention for those who write coherantly and have potential to be taken seriously by a large enough group of people. It’s a far more prudent way to spend your time and reading space.

Have to disagree with you here. Morons like this guy who spout deranged homophobic bile and who lump homosexuals together with sexual criminals deserved to be ridiculed and scorned at every opportunity. To ignore it is to suggest that it deserves any place in moral, civilized discourse. In fact, I tend to agree with SharonB: this guy is someone who the authorities need to be watching.
#9 Lorri T.
December 22, 2004

” HOMOSEXUALS YOUR HORRIBLE DISGUSTING “FREEDOM” “RIGHTEOUS” INFLUENCE has advanced too far beyond the limits of fine good innocent people that CANNOT BE FURTHER TOLERATED ANY LONGER!! ”

First point; aren’t human beings a hoot? Yes, this wonderful child of god (my euphemism for people who need to go to church and STAY THERE – FOREVER) is by turns scary, and hilarious, and disheartening, and deeply, deeply ridiculous. But it’s Festivus, dammit, and I refuse to allow Gomer to poop on my happiness.

Second point; this particular part of his(?) (rant? monologue? declaration? mental hospital admission form?) reminds me of one of my top-ten-favourite t-shirt sayings;

HELP STAMP OUT AND ERADICATE REDUNDANCY!
#10 OGeorge
December 22, 2004

Go ahead, ask me who I’d trust my grandchildren with.

Sometimes reading something like this makes me think that the writer complains a bit too loudly. Worried about his own sexuality?
#11 Chris Krolczyk
December 22, 2004

Ed:

I can’t even begin to parody that.

You don’t have to. When I first looked at that screed, I thought it was a close copy of some of the rants that the nutcase right- wing “astrologer” Daniel Joseph Min posts to Usenet ad nauseum. Thing is, it couldn’t be him – he cowers behind remailers and morphed accounts, and this guy decided to post this particular pile of dreck in a place where complaints could actually result in getting his material pulled.
#12 Chris Krolczyk
December 22, 2004

A bit of addenda, here:

The nut who posted that rant should also keep in mind that another sainted (?) net.kook, Robert McElwaine, also has a bad case of Capitalizer’s Syndrome. Just a point.
#13 coffeedrinker
December 22, 2004

I tend to avidly lurk at blogs instead of commenting, but I feel compelled to point out that I’ve encountered this guy at a message board where he claimed to have had eight opinion letters published in his local newspaper. If this is true, he’s more than an Internet kook.

As for insecurity…this was at an asexuality message board, where he basically alienated everyone in sight with semicoherent orders about how “true asexuals” musn’t have sexual fantasies because those pollute mental purity (paraphrasing). I’ve often wondered why homo/biphobes are often so painfully insistent on fine (i.e. nearly logically insupportable) lexical lines between sexual and nonsexual thoughts, feelings, etc.
#14 niucons
December 22, 2004

You really have to go look at the original page. In addition to the wonderful use of caps, he does some really wingnut bolding and chaning of font sizes as well. The amount of effort put into such a devoid piece of thought is amazing. After all that work you’d think he’d figure out how to spell correctly.
#15 niucons
December 22, 2004

Of course then I go spell changing wrong.
#16 Paige
December 22, 2004

Sad to say, I know someone who could write a screed like that, except that he wouldn’t limit himself to gays. He would add in Arabs, Indians and any other person whos ethnicity is not US or European. But, he’s a nice guy!
#17 Kevin
December 22, 2004

I’m sort of worried this guy is a hate crime waiting to happen. He’s clearly very emotional, and totally irrational. I’m hoping the day will come soon when screeds like this are as dimly regarded as their racist counterparts. I’d like one of these people to explain just once how exactly what other people do in private hurts him in any way- but that would be too much to ask, now wouldn’t it?
Arg. I start my vacation tomorrow. Happy thoughts.
#18 Ginger Yellow
December 23, 2004

Funny how liberals get accused of moral relativism by people the sort of people who claim consensual sex is morally equivalent to rape.