Jason Kuznicki is off to the Carolinas to spend the holidays with his in-laws and leaves us with a great post offering a history of Festivus that no true Seinfeld fan would need. But more than that, he also includes a link to this absolutely precious anti-gay rant, which has to be seen to be believed. In all its glory:
Today as of November 23th tuesday 2004 8:20 PM, I DECLARE FULL OFFENSIVE WAR on the TERRIBLE DISGUSTING SEX OFFENDERS TO THE LIKES OF HOMOSEXUALS, LESBIANS AND THE OTHER WORST SEX OFFENDERS LIKE PEDOPHILES, RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS!!!. HOMOSEXUALS YOUR HORRIBLE DISGUSTING “FREEDOM” “RIGHTEOUS” INFLUENCE has advanced too far beyond the limits of fine good innocent people that CANNOT BE FURTHER TOLERATED ANY LONGER!! THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!! I WILL PULL TOGETHER ALL MY RESOURCES and make sure that the DISGUSTING HORRIBLE PERVERTED evil DEPRAVED PERVERTED life that you once knew will SEIZE TO EXIST!!! You WILL NO LONGER spread your HORRIBLE DISGUSTING PROPAGANDA on HOMOSEXUALITY so as to BRAINWASH AND INFLUENCE the people around you to EVEN TOLERATE this EVIL IMMORAL DECADENT DEPRAVED kind of “LIFE”. TO EVEN TOLERATE HOMOSEXUALS IS THE SAME AS TOLERATING SEX OFFENDERS LIKE PEDOPHILES, RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS!!! HOMOSEXUALS your HORRIBLE ACTS PROSTITUTE yourself and BETRAY the good conscience you were born with! All your HARMFUL DISGUSTING institutions of GAY SEX SPAS, GAY SHOPS AND GAY CLUBS WILL ALL BE TAKEN DOWN!!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT I DO NOT SPEAK FOR NOTHING. The “GOOD” times that you once knew will SEIZE TO EXIST!!! I WILL EXPOSE ALL THE IMMORAL DEPRAVED THINGS THAT YOU DO AND EXPOSE IT TO EVERYONE! HOMOSEXUALS, LESBIANS AND SEX OFFENDERS LIKE PEDOPHILES, RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS you will ALL PERISH!!!
THE WAR HAS BEGUN!!!
I can’t even begin to parody that. Don’t look now, he’s pulling together all his resources, which I imagine means turning in all his empty Busch Light cans and selling his Elvis commemorative spitcup. As Lynn said when she read it, it starts out as something threatening, something you should get angry about. But by the end of it, you just can’t help but laugh because you know that the worst this goober is gonna do is down a few too many cheap beers, tip a cow or two, take his shirt off and end up on Cops. And perhaps, ironically, some poor unsuspecting sheep may be in for a surprise.