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Ganek on Gerald Allen

By stcynic on May 12, 2005.

Mark Ganek has a very funny column about Gerald Allen and his brilliant plan to ban all the gay books from Alabama. It begins:

Alabama has once again seized the educational initiative, despite being ranked 50th in the country in per pupil spending. A state representative recently introduced a bill that would have taken a decisive and innovative step toward helping the beleaguered students: fewer books. Because if you don't know you don't know it, it's pretty much the same as knowing it.

The bill would have prohibited public schools from buying any books with gay characters, gay themes, or gay authors. To an ordinary person, determining whether the author of a book on, say, the history of chemistry is gay is quite difficult, so I have developed a fool-proof questionnaire that can be sent to all authors before buying their books.

Question 1: Are you gay?

Question 2: No, really. Are you?

Question 3: C'mon. Seriously.

Follow the link to read the rest. Very funny stuff. And yes, the Christian Student Dictionary that he mentions is genuine, which makes it even funnier.

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My favorite line from the article is

I think it is important to note that open debate thrives in Alabama classrooms, and students are encouraged to develop their own opinions about whether evolution or homosexuality is worse.

By Mike Procario (not verified) on 12 May 2005 #permalink

That was a great line. I also liked:

"Because if you don't know you don't know it, it's pretty much the same as knowing it."

By GeneralZod (not verified) on 12 May 2005 #permalink

"I think it may be time to look up irony."

Wait, what was the definition they gave?? Damn, now i will have to find it, but if it is anything like the way they characterized Envy, then i presume it must be a doozy.

Here's my favorit part:

Intelligent Design Theory, otherwise known as Creationism Lite (Now with half the God!â¢) points out the fuzzy areas of evolution, and reasons that if we don't know exactly how it happened, then God did it, which is the same rock-solid process by which the Greeks scientifically discovered that Zeus made lightning.

That's perfect.

By Troy Britain (not verified) on 12 May 2005 #permalink

Would the bill also ban books that were commissioned by gay people? If so, they would have to ban the King James version of the Wholly Babble.

Seriously.

Actually, raj, I was wondering if the bill included non-fiction as well as fiction. Given that Alan Turing, who headed the team that cracked the German Enigma machine code, and helped decipher key German military orders. They were a key reason the war in the Atlantic was won by the Allies.

Turing was gay - would that mean all books about WWII would be banned?