Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Chuck Norris Spinkicks Charles Darwin

Okay, I finally got to watch the NCBCPS press conference on their bible curriculum and it’s even funnier than I imagined. You can download or stream the video by clicking here, but the video is very long, about 125 meg. I actually downloaded it. If you have broadband and a half hour to kill, I strongly urge you to watch it, especially the Chuck Norris part of it, which begins about 14 minutes in. It’s delightfully absurd.

Although he’s supposed to be talking about the Bible curriculum, he begins with several minutes of rambling about some program he has for teaching martial arts in school. Then he talks about his nephew, who took a biology class and refused to write a required paper about evolution because he didn’t believe in evolution, and was flunked. Then he finally gets around to the Bible class, which he says is necessary so that kids have a choice of what they want to believe about how the earth was created.

Chuck Norris: So that’s why we’re here. Because we want the Bible curriculum to be a choice in the school where the kids can make their own decisions, not us saying…

Gina Norris:…what you can and can’t do…

Chuck Norris: …what you cannot and cannot…what you can and cannot do, that it is evolution and that’s it. Let them make up their own mind, and that’s why we’re here to support this program.

Is the NCBCPS really so stupid as to allow Norris to get up there and essentially admit that the goal of this Bible curriculum is to get creationism into public schools? The attorneys for the group didn’t dispute what Norris said. But the best part of the Norris interview is his equally bubbleheaded wife standing by his side saying “um hm” and “yes” and “that’s so true” after virtually every sentence he says. And at one point, feeding him a word he can’t quite get. It’s really funny stuff.

Oh, wait, wait, I stopped too soon. Toward the end of the press conference, a reporter from some Christian radio station asked Chuck and Gina Norris if they used any of the Biblical teachings in their martial arts schools. Here’s part of the response:

Chuck Norris: No, we do not teach Biblical principles in school. We do teach a philosophy, uh, positive affirmations every day. We teach these kids that they can be anything they wanna be, we keep encouraging them that they can be anything that their hearts desire.

Gina Norris: Which builds strong moral character.

Chuck Norris: Yeah, which builds strong moral character. But if you look at the Bible, and read the Bible, that’s what the Bible does too. You know, it teaches you to be a strong individual person with a positive attitude about life. Uh, but of course we don’t teach the Biblical aspects of that. But the, uh, Oriental, the uh, martial arts philosophy that I, you know that I’ve uh taught in my schools for many many years, and uh, and just to uh, encourage them to succeed in their lives. And uh, and through that, uh, philosophy, and them building up that self-image of themselves through the kicks and punches they do, that’s really a tool. Teaching them how to punch and kick and all that, it’s just a tool to raise their self-esteem.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Comments

  1. #1 badger3k
    September 26, 2005

    This is so sad. I used to respect him, but that’s gone. Maybe he did take too many blows to the head? I agree that it’s pretty hypocritical of him to not teach the Bible in his martial arts classes. Typical creationist crap.

  2. #2 Ed Brayton
    September 26, 2005

    I think you misunderstood me. I don’t think it’s hypocritical of him not to teach the Bible in his martial arts classes. I think it’s ridiculous to claim that martial arts and the Bible both encourage kids to “be all they can be”, or whatever stupid cliche he’s using this time.

  3. #3 Dave S.
    September 26, 2005

    Of course he doesn’t teach Bible in his martial arts classes…that would violate the separation of Church and Dojo.

  4. #4 decrepitoldfool
    September 26, 2005

    I really think we should let kids make up their own mind about what they’ll learn in school. For too long the school system has dictated that children believe 70% of the Earth’s surface is covered by water, that the square root of 100 is 10, and that mammals breathe air. End the tyranny!

  5. #5 Mark Paris
    September 26, 2005

    The connection between christianity and sports is kind of odd. Take the fellowship of chrisitan athletes, which is quite popular at least in the South. Take prayer before the kickoff (“Oh Lord, let us open a can of holy whupass on our opponents tonight.”)

  6. #6 Grumpy
    September 26, 2005

    …we keep encouraging them that they can be anything that their hearts desire.

    Um, isn’t the fulfillment of individual desires supposed to be the core of libertinism?

  7. #7 mark
    September 26, 2005

    Chuck really ought to teach both God and chi and let the kids decide which one provides the ability to whup the other guy.

  8. #8 Bill Snedden
    September 26, 2005

    For the interested: I posted a brief synopsis of the press conference in a response to Ed’s original post.

  9. #9 raj
    September 27, 2005

    Given this from Chuck Norris, I would be hesitant about buying his over-priced exercise equipment. He’s apparently nutty, and that would lead me to believe that his exercise equipment would be nutty, too.

    Norris should do what George Foreman does. Shut his mouth and sell (in Foreman’s case) his grills.

  10. #10 spyder
    September 27, 2005

    i thought chuck was selling his ab machines?? and his other workout equipment and energy nutrition supplements?? wait, wasn’t he also selling cars too?? so now he is the spokeperson for a bible curriculum? “be all that you can be–dead in the army”

    When the ACT used to monitor TV violence more publicly, they reported, several years in a row, that the most physically violent show on TV was Walker:Texas Ranger. Chuck and family(his children were later additions to the cast) practiced random acts of violence and senseless acts of brutality against bad guys so many times(repeated in super slow motion from three or four different angles) that i find it nearly obsene that he would have been chosen to be a spokesperson for a Bible curriculum.

  11. #11 raj
    September 28, 2005

    Spyder, just to let you know, one doesn’t need an “ab machine” to do ab work. One can do it on the floor. If one wants a bit more advanced work, one can buy what is probably characterized as an over-sized beachball to do crunches on. (I actually use those at the gym for ab work). Norris is a huckster.

  12. #12 Arnoldez
    October 23, 2005

    in response to spyder’s comment: “When the ACT used to monitor TV violence more publicly, they reported, several years in a row, that the most physically violent show on TV was Walker:Texas Ranger. Chuck and family(his children were later additions to the cast) practiced random acts of violence and senseless acts of brutality against bad guys so many times(repeated in super slow motion from three or four different angles) that i find it nearly obsene that he would have been chosen to be a spokesperson for a Bible curriculum.”

    This is from the Chuck Norris Official Website…and, I might add, is also freaking hilarious:

    “[When asked, Chuck Norris said that he would be liked to be remembered for] Winning the 1998 Epiphany award on Walker, Texas Ranger for the best Christian program.”