It appears that the ACLU has finally seen the handwriting on the wall. Under the withering attack of the crack investigative reporters at the Worldnutdaily and StopTheACLU, they’ve finally just come out and admitted that they are engaged in a war on Christmas. Indeed, it appears to be worse than anyone thought:
Thanks to FOX News and highly credible voices like StoptheACLU.org, the news is out that ACLU has declared War on Christmas.
It’s true. In fact, I have just returned from our War Room where ACLU’s brightest minds are spending this final weekend before the holiday plotting to kill Christmas. Atop every mountain we’ve secretly placed an army of green grinches prepared to sled down on Christmas morning into towns across America to steal presents from toddlers.
Don’t believe it? I tell you I’ve seen the secret grinch training facilities.
The War Room for Operation Kill Christmas lies in a bunker deep underground. That’s also where we keep all our Communists. I know most of you thought Communism was dead after the fall of the Berlin Wall. It’s not true. They’re all huddled deep underground in our secret ACLU bunker.
It was the Communists, in fact, perhaps predictably, who came up with the idea of taking the War on Christmas to the next level involving actual armed struggle.
You heard it here first: ACLU plans to assassinate Santa Claus.
We can’t be stopped. Our sleeper cells are already in place. Two of his elves are actually ACLU operatives who entered the North Pole illegally and got jobs using fake IDs.
Tomorrow on the O’Reilly Factor: “I told you so”.