Dispatches from the Creation Wars

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Just when you thought you’d seen it all, allow me to show you once again just how immensely ridiculous human beings can be. From the “truth is always way funnier than fiction” department:

Nine former fans of American Idol star Clay Aiken are forging ahead with threats to sue his record label bosses for false advertising. The one-time devotees have been shocked by recent tabloid claims the wholesome pop singer is gay and they’ve filed a Federal Trade Commission complain against executives at RCA and Sony/BMG, alleging they were duped in marketing and promotional campaigns.

The nine-strong group, listing themselves as “aggrieved consumers,” allege that employees of RCA, Sony/BMG, and Aiken himself “engaged in collusion to prevent public disclosures they believed might be harmful to their product.” The angry ladies go on to state, “This is tantamount to a manufacturer concealing information about a defective product. Therefore these actions were both unfair and deceptive to consumers.”

A spokeswoman for the group says, “As consumers, we feel ripped off. It is obvious now that the private Clay is very different from the manufactured packaged public Clay that was marketed to us.” The group is asking the FTC to investigate the practices of the record companies, to invoke civil penalties where appropriate, and to enjoin the companies from violating the Federal Trade Commission Act.

I’m sure the folks in the FTC office are having a good laugh over this. They’re shocked to find out that an entertainer is very different in private than in their manufactured public image? Gee, I hope nobody tells them that Martha Stewart, Jaclyn Smith, Penny Marshall and Rosie O’Donnell don’t really shop at K-mart. Or that Rock Hudson was gay. The mere fact that you were a Clay Aiken fan in the first place is bad enough; to complain that him being gay amounts to false advertising…well, that’s cosmic-level absurdity. That kind of stupidity really should be painful.

Comments

  1. #1 Anuminous
    February 28, 2006

    The burning concern over his sexual orientation makes me wonder: What did they think they were buying? Was there some expectation that he would show up at their doors to perform, um, services? If not, why could it possibly be relevant? You bought the music, people. I sentence you to listen to it.

  2. #2 Dave
    February 28, 2006

    That Clay Aiken is as straight as a dog’s hind leg should surprise no one but the stupid.

  3. #3 llDayo
    February 28, 2006

    I agree with Anuminous. Were the producers purposely trying to market him as straight or just as a singer? Should an entertainer’s private life be thrust into the public spectrum so people can make well-informed decisions as to whether they want to be entertained by said performer? It’s completely stupid and absurd. You should enjoy the performance because of the entertainer’s talents, not what they do in their private life. Maybe Clay Aiken should countersue on the basis that he didn’t want to sell his CDs to straight people and that it was the fault of the consumer for not disclosing THEIR private life to the business they were purchasing from.

  4. #4 ZacharySmith
    February 28, 2006

    I am shocked – shocked, I say – to find out that celebrities have a different public face than their private face. I guess I’ll have to research the sexual orientation of every musician whose CD I want to buy, or every actor whose movie I want to see, from now on.

  5. #5 llDayo
    February 28, 2006

    ZacharySmith:

    Don’t forget to check all the extras that were in the movie, as well as the director, writer(s), producers, set guys, hairstylists, owner of the properties used for on location shots, their family members, etc…

  6. #6 bourgeois_rage
    February 28, 2006

    Clearly, Clay Aiken and his producer’s goal was to corupt the childrens’ minds with their pro-gay agenda. Didn’t America vote for this guy? Maybe all of America is on on the ruse! Who will think of the children?

  7. #7 ThePolynomial
    February 28, 2006

    As an avid Queer As Folk watcher, I am enraged, ENRAGED I TELL YOU to find out Gale Harold aka Brian Kinney is straight. The show sold him as a sex-loving, beautiful gay man, but apparently in “real life” he likes women. Where’s my money, FTC?

  8. #8 skipevans
    February 28, 2006

    Rock Hudson was gay?!

    Ed, you bastard!

    Next you’ll be telling me Liberace was anything but dead on butch!

  9. #9 Raging Bee
    February 28, 2006

    Call me paranoid if you must, but I’m getting a whiff of theofascist gay-bashing out of this news. Suing an entertainer and his/her handlers for “misrepresenting” his/her personal life sounds like a handy tactic for harassing entertainers who have, might have, or are rumored to have, “something to hide,” or who refuse to reveal personal details at the behest of whoever has deep pockets and a hunger for idiotic lawsuits.

    Even if these litigants never come close to winning, they, and others like them, could cause enough trouble for people like “Gaykin” to effectively put them out of business, thus effectively punishing them for not being the people the litigants want them to be.

  10. #10 raj
    February 28, 2006

    I suspect that something else is going on here. By raising this issue at all–regardless of how silly it appears–the complainants are obviously trying to discourage the publishers and distributors from ever having out or even semi-out performers. It is intended as a means to either drive the performers back into the closet, or to put them on unemployment.

  11. #11 Raging Bee
    February 28, 2006

    Question: where do nine dumbass (former) Clay Aiken fans get enough money to organize a lawsuit like this against a big-time pop star? Their parents? Maybe, but I don’t think so — mine would barely even pay for a concert ticket, let alone a silly lawsuit like this.

  12. #12 Ian Gibson
    February 28, 2006

    Don’t hate me for saying this, but I can kind of see where they’re coming from on this.

    I think it’s like someone who’s on AOL finding a link on the Start Page which contains a link to a ‘nasty’ website, hence taking them out of their safe, cozy little virtual world.

    Nah, I can tell you’re not going to buy that – I’ll keep quiet now..

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