Dispatches from the Creation Wars

The Clay Aiken Press Release

Here’s the actual press release from the 9 “aggrieved fans” of Clay Aiken who are considering filing a class action suit because they found out he’s gay and think it was false advertising to market him to women. And it’s funny stuff:

“As consumers, we feel ripped off. It is obvious now that the private Clay is very different from the manufactured packaged public Clay that was marketed to us” said a spokesman for the group. “We believe that this was absolutely fraudulent and that we may have actionable recourse against the record company”.

Presently, the group continues to interview legal representation and deliberates over appropriate legal standing before filing any suit. Among the premises being considered toward RCA Records and corporate parent Sony/BMG are False Advertising on the basis of Misrepresentation and Bait and Switch. A potential FTC Complaint is also being measured.

Hey, I bet Debbie Schlussel is available. Not only will she file the suit for you, she’ll file to intervene in the ACLU’s lawsuit against the NSA – buy one bit of rank stupidity, get one free! But here’s my favorite part of the press release:

Anticipating backlash from Aiken’s famously militant fan base, these former fans ranging in ages, occupational backgrounds, and geographic locales have elected to keep their identities anonymous contingent upon any legal filings.

Famously militant fanbase? Oh yeah, those roving hordes of Clay Aiken fans are striking fear into the hear of god-fearing people everywhere. Forget Osama Bin Laden, it’s those 14 year old girls you gotta watch out for. If word gets out, those 9 women will, ironically, wish they were invisible.

Comments

  1. #1 Raging Bee
    March 1, 2006

    Polluters with deep pockets have long been known to use SLAPPs — Strategic Lawsuits Against Public Participation — to punish and deter ordinary citizens for exercising their legal rights to criticize and protest the polluters’ actions. Now it seems another group of hateful cowards are applying the lesson.

    This is sounding even more like a campaign by well-funded right-wing hatemongers: shameless misreading of the intent of the law; pretended fear of “retaliation” by “militant” enemies (with no actual incidents cited); and a cover of secrecy and anonymity. Still no word on where nine pop-fans get the money for this kind of lawsuit, either.

    Thanks for passing this on, and keep up the good work.

  2. #2 Ed Brayton
    March 1, 2006

    I don’t really buy that this is some conspiracy to punish gay people. I think this is just a group of really stupid people out to make a buck.

  3. #3 TikiHead
    March 1, 2006

    There’s a great radio comic, Phil Hendrie, who did a bit much like this a few years ago. Mr. Hendrie specializes in interviews with fake guests, and takes real callers to comment on and interact with the ‘guest.’

    One ‘guest’ was a guy who made an exercise tape for his coworkers, based on Richard Simmons’ videos. He was widely ridiculed, and it was then that he found out Mr. Simmons was GAY! He was ‘shocked,’ and was going to sue Simmons for ‘concealing his homosexuality.’ The ‘guest’ also admitted that he weighed three hundred pounds, perspired a lot, and wore a pink unitard and a cowboy hat in his exercise video…

    It was fall out of your chair funny, especially with the callers not getting that it was a schtick.

  4. #4 Troy Britain
    March 1, 2006

    There’s a great radio comic, Phil Hendrie, who did a bit much like this a few years ago. Mr. Hendrie specializes in interviews with fake guests, and takes real callers to comment on and interact with the ‘guest.’

    For those unfamiliar with Hendrie’s show it should be noted that he does the voices of his “guests”. Sometimes he’ll even do a caller as well, it is a real wonder to listen to him have a two or three way conversation in different voices talking about the most ridiculous things. Perhaps a greater wonder is the people that call in and take the whole thing seriously. It really is brilliant satire of talk shows.

    I like how he’ll often have his “guest” start out sounding almost reasonable and slowly up the ante by providing more and more information until the “guest” is defending the most outrageous positions imaginable.

    One ‘guest’ was a guy who made an exercise tape for his coworkers, based on Richard Simmons’ videos. He was widely ridiculed, and it was then that he found out Mr. Simmons was GAY! He was ‘shocked,’ and was going to sue Simmons for ‘concealing his homosexuality.’ The ‘guest’ also admitted that he weighed three hundred pounds, perspired a lot, and wore a pink unitard and a cowboy hat in his exercise video…

    Sounds like “Steve Bosell” a “construction contractor from Corona, CA” who, along with his “Riverside based” attorney, is forever suing anyone and everyone over being publicly humiliated about something.

    See: http://www.philhendrieshow.com/

  5. #5 TikiHead
    March 1, 2006

    Troy:

    I love Phil — unfortunately he was cancelled after a short run here in Phoenix. Oddly enough he was airing on the conservative talk station… some of his humor was probably too over the top for them.

  6. #6 Raging Bee
    March 1, 2006

    …these former fans ranging in ages, occupational backgrounds, and geographic locales have elected to keep their identities anonymous contingent upon any legal filings.

    So these idiots (or pawns as the case may be) get to make lots of insinuations just by announcing that there might be a lawsuit, but the would-be defendant can’t quite defend himself against the insinuations because he doesn’t know who’s making them, and thus can’t address their substance, specifics, or credibility.

    This could be simple stupidity and cowardice, or calculated sleaze. I still think it’s the latter: if an actual teenybopper were dumb enough to consider herself wronged by Clay Aiken’s concealment of any aspect of his private life, and shameless enough to publicly announce a lawsuit to that effect, chances are she wouldn’t be disciplined enough to hide her identity, unless she were told to do so by someone with a vested interest and a longer vision.

  7. #7 Todd
    March 1, 2006

    What’s really sad is that no body seems to give a crap about music anymore.

  8. #8 Raging Bee
    March 1, 2006

    Music? Aiken makes music?

    Perhaps his former fans would be less afraid to identify themselves if they joined a witless-protection program…