This is one of those monumentally idiotic ideas that just makes me stare with jaw agape at the notion that a legislator would seriously propose it, much less that it would pass. A state rep in South Carolina by the name of Ralph Davenport has submitted a bill tha would ban the sale of sex toys:
The South Carolina bill, proposed by Republican Rep. Ralph Davenport, would make it a felony to sell devices used primarily for sexual stimulation and allow law enforcement to seize sex toys from raided businesses.
But here’s my favorite part of the article:
Rep. Davenport, who is from Spartanburg County, did not return several messages Friday to talk about his bill, which was introduced last month.
Of course not. What on earth would he say? I would love to hear him try to explain why this bill is necessary. Are people using powerful vibrators to hold up liquor stores? Exactly what governmental interest is served by banning the sale of dildos? This idiot couldn’t even begin to make a coherent case for it and he knows it. But that doesn’t matter because three states – Texas, Alabama and Mississippi – already have laws that ban the sale of sex toys.
How the hell did such a law actually pass two legislative bodies and get signed by a governor in three different states? On what possible pretext? There are some positions that are so breathtakingly idiotic and ridiculous that taking them should render you unfit even to vote, much less to hold public office, and this is one of them. This is every bit as moronic as the boneheads in Congress renaming french fries “freedom fries” in the cafeteria. They should be drawn and quartered, tarred and feathered, ridden out of town on a rail and in all other ways humiliated for rank stupidity above and beyond the call of duty. And so should anyone who votes for them ever again. In fact, I suggest that we set up a Hall of Shame for bad ideas. The first induction class will be these laws and Gerald Allen’s incredible bill in Alabama to ban all books written by or about gays from the state.
And I like this blog’s suggestion that we set up an Office of National Dildo Control Policy. And further:
If the puritans of the South Carolina legislature are successful in criminalizing the pursuit of kinkyness, drug prohibition may give us some warning signs of what to expect. Lucrative black markets for pleasure gadgets will spring up overnight, putting armed salesmen on every urban corner. Sexually experimental youngsters will roam the streets looking for a fix, eventually coming across their first “gateway dildo” to harder plastics. Prisons will be clogged with people whose only crime was trying to relax with a hot bath, some candles, and ‘Johnny Depp Junior’ after a long day at work. Worst of all, shady opportunists will fashion vibrators out of cheap household appliances, maiming or killing unfortunate masturbators with electrical malfunctions.
Maybe we can even appoint a Dildo Czar; if we can get William Bennett away from the craps tables long enough, he’d be the perfect choice. And of course, we’ll have to outlaw “dildo paraphernalia” too; anyone caught with KY jelly will be booked for suspicion. Remember – if vibrators are outlawed, only outlaws will have vibrators.