Dispatches from the Creation Wars

According to Fox News:

It’s now possible to replace a defective, damaged, or diseased penis with a penis grown in a laboratory — in rabbits.

But the finding promises an amazing new treatment for infants, boys, and men who suffer penis disfigurement. The replacement organ would be grown on a penis-shaped matrix seeded with cells from the patient’s own body.

There appears to be no truth to the rumors that the artificial penii look like Bill O’Reilly. It’s odd that this was done at a Baptist university in North Carolina. An hour south, and the procedure would have been illegal. And in a related story, the Southern Baptist Convention issued a statement banning the research because they’re afraid it will lead to dancing.

Comments

  1. #1 BigDumbChimp
    May 26, 2006

    It’s odd that this was done at a Baptist university in North Carolina.

    Well it is Wake Forest, not really the bastion of the Southern Baptist’s wingnuttery. I grew up in that town and It’s a relatively progressive place.

    My money is on the O’Reilly – penii resemblance however.

  2. #2 Evil Bender
    May 26, 2006

    That’s awesome. And kudos for referencing my favorite Baptist joke.

    /raised evangelical

  3. #3 Jim Ramsey
    May 26, 2006

    I can’t help it.

    Somehow there has to be an Ann Coulter joke in all of this.

  4. #4 Rob Knop
    May 26, 2006

    Hmm. With the commercialization of Universities that started (or at least was given a big boost) when Universities were encouraged to get patents and have business spin-offs on their research, all I can think is that Wake Forest must be about to go into the spamming business big time.

    To heck with the “make your member longer” spams. Now there will “Unsatisified with your member? Get a new one, designed to spec!” spams.

    -Rob

  5. #5 Gretchen
    May 26, 2006

    I bet female-to-male transsexuals will be overjoyed.

  6. #6 DOF
    May 26, 2006

    If the university does patent this, expect them to have a larger endowment than Harvard.
    /double entendre

  7. #7 Jason Kuznicki
    May 26, 2006

    What Gretchen said. Also, while I’m perfectly happy with the equipment I have, I do hope that this is just one step on the way toward lab-grown hearts, livers, lungs, and so forth. Hundreds of thousands could be saved with such technology.

    Also — would a prime rib grown in the lab be objectionable to vegans? Suppose you could scrape off a few epithelial cells from a cow, and turn them into 1000 pounds of porterhouse? Would there really be an ethical objection then?

    Oh — and would it be kosher?

    The future is going to be a very fun place.

  8. #8 bourgeois_rage
    May 26, 2006

    Larry Flynt is on the phone with Wake Forest as we speak!

  9. #9 Roman Werpachowski
    May 26, 2006

    Oh, how I long for the day when we can satisfy the demand for food without large-scale farming. Just grow the meat in factories.

  10. #10 Gretchen
    May 26, 2006

    Also — would a prime rib grown in the lab be objectionable to vegans? Suppose you could scrape off a few epithelial cells from a cow, and turn them into 1000 pounds of porterhouse? Would there really be an ethical objection then?

    I rather think the objection would come from the awesomely powerful meat industry lobby. Maybe they would come up with a religious objection, calling it “unnatural” and compare it to stem cell research or something in order to deny funding.