Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Clerks 2

I’ve been eagerly awaiting the release of Clerks 2, and it finally came this weekend. I haven’t seen it yet, but I will. This is one of the rare movies that actually will get me to go to the theater to see it. I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. And seeing this review from wingnut Debbie Schlussel just makes me want to see it even more:

The film is garbage. It’s depraved, disgusting, and demented–all of which reflect the same on its writer/director, the now-worshipped idol of the slacker set, Smith. The movie is a celluloid monument to the continuing decline of America–and civilization in general.

If that looney bird doesn’t like it, I’m sure I will.


  1. #1 steve s
    July 22, 2006

    Decline of civilization? Wow, it’s even better than I’d hoped.

  2. #2 Stogoe
    July 22, 2006

    I especially liked the “I’m no prude, but..” line. If you have to claim you’re not a prude, you’re a prude.

  3. #3 nicole
    July 22, 2006

    I thought Debbie Schlussel was one of the craziest wingnuts around, but lo and behold, her commenters outdo her. From one:

    Furthermore, do not call yourself a conservative. We are conservatives. Conservatives deal in facts and a moral standard that is from G-d and the Bible. You clearly do not have any conservative sensitivities.

    I’m so glad they cleared up my definition of conservative. Now I know my official title is “pussy-liberal,” as a Kevin Smith fan.

  4. #4 Gretchen
    July 22, 2006

    I’m a big Kevin Smith fan myself, but Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was such utter crap that I may have lost all faith. Everyone in the audience at that film was groaning, and a few got up and left. If Clerks 2 is anything like it, well….

  5. #5 Greg
    July 22, 2006

    I made the mistake of actually reading the article and all the comments. What a depressing start to the weekend…

  6. #6 Fishyfred
    July 22, 2006

    I’m seeing it tomorrow. I’ve read a few review blurbs. Most of them say something to the tune of “Very good, but not as good as the first one.”

    As if that’s something to be ashamed of.

  7. #7 kemibe
    July 22, 2006

    I’m looking forward to this as well, but as a theatrophobe I’ll probably wait for the DVD. The reviews I’ve seen are sort of equivocal — “Best comedy of the year by far, but nothing close to the magic of Clerks.” Then again, a movie can fall well short of the original and still be funny as hell.

    The guy who plays Dante Hicks looks nothing like he did 10 years ago. He must have packed on 50 pounds.

    I remember reading that Smith financed the original by taking out about $25,000 in cash advances on 5 or 6 credit cards. I guess he was either confident or delusional, but things seem to have worked out okay for him.

  8. #8 Ed Brayton
    July 22, 2006

    I didn’t think Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was so bad. Certainly not as good as Clerks or Dogma, but I thought the inside jokes in it were brilliant. It really made fun of Hollywood and did so very effectively. The whole Good Will Hunting 2 premise was hilarious, especially the conversation between Affleck and Damon before the scene was shot. And the brief clip of Gus Van Sant counting the money and ignoring the movie was perfect self-mockery. Kevin Smith’s movies tend to contain a lot of inside jokes and those were some of the best he’s done.

  9. #9 Glenn
    July 22, 2006

    Schlussel’s replies to comments are in an obnoxious all-caps. For some reason I find that appropriate, sort of like how Dave Chapelle shouts in his show’s “Samuel Jackson” sketch.

  10. #10 kemibe
    July 22, 2006

    Who is Debbie Schlussel and by what decree was she deemed at all important? Is she grooming herself to be the next Coulter? That won’t work. She writes at maybe an 11th-grade level and seems to think a requirement for making a point is saying the same thing in a series of eight or nine slightly reworded paragraphs. She could have been reviewing herself; just substitute “Debbie Schlussel” every time you see “Clerks II” or “Kevin Smith” and it’s perfect. For example: “(Debbie Schlussel) was not funny, not interesting, and not the least bit entertaining,” and “There is nothing likeable or redeeming about (Debbie Schlusssel). In fact, if Middle America were truly populated entirely by (Debbie Schlussels), we should all commit suicide now.”

    Weblog Awards finalist? I won’t put a whole lot of stock in that award, whoever gives it out and on whatever merits.

  11. #11 surlygrad
    July 22, 2006

    like i said in a previous post about her. what else would you expect from a woman who was still a virgin in her mid 30s?

  12. #12 kemibe
    July 22, 2006

    I think Dogma (my favorite Smith flick) made the best possible use of the Jay/Silent Bob combo. The way they entered the picture was genius. I have a mondo crush on Linda Fiorentino, and the Alanis-as-God touch was great.

    Amazingly, Jason Mewes (Jay) was still wrecked on heroin during the shooting of the movie. I guess he’s clean now and I hope this is the case as we need him this way.

  13. #13 Matthew
    July 22, 2006

    I’ll watch it next week some time, but I can’t say I’m highly anticipating it. I didn’t think the jokes in any of the trailers were funny; I thought it was mostly contrived hollywood-style humor. Maybe that was a marketing ploy to pull in people, though. Hopefully.

  14. #14 Stogoe
    July 22, 2006

    I liked linda Fiorentino in Dogma, but I wish they’d switched her role with Jeanine Garofalo’s. I think I remember hearing in the commentary that Smith, looking back, wished that too.

  15. #15 Scarecrow
    July 22, 2006

    Joel Siegel, a movie critic for ABC, also was disgusted – so much so, that he got up 40 minutes into the screening, yelled ‘I’m not watching this F-ing movie’ or something like that, and left. Then while Kevin Smith was on the Opie and Anthony show on XM and CBS radio, they called Joel and they had a very entertaining conversation you can hear here: http://www.viewaskew.com/kevin/joelsiegel.mp3

    And the Virus spreads!:D

  16. #16 Leni
    July 22, 2006

    Jay was a junkie? Huh.

    For some reason I didn’t see that coming.

  17. #17 Jeff Fecke
    July 22, 2006

    Saw it last night.

    1. Funniest Smith film since Mallrats. Strictly speaking, Dogma might be a better film, but this is definitely funnier.

    2. The donkey scene is alternately hilarious and deeply disturbing.

    3. Ditto the scene with Wanda Sykes.

    4. Finally, I would like to say that I want to have Rosario Dawson’s children.

    Go. See. Now.

  18. #18 djmullen
    July 22, 2006

    I saw it yesterday and loved it. I can see why Debbie didn’t like it, though. It’s not not a good movie for the overly virginal. For instance, one of the plot points revolves around hiring a donky act, but we are cautioned that this has nothing to do with bestiality, instead it’s something like “interspecies erotica”. Also, there is a Very Much Overly Christian Boy working at Moobies with the main characters. You will roar when you find out why he and his girlfriend haven’t had sex.

    Bottom line: I want to see it again and I’m going to buy the DVD when it comes out. In fact, if Hollywood had any sense at all, the DVD would have been for sale in the theater and they wouldn’t gotten another twenty from me.

  19. #19 Ed Brayton
    July 22, 2006

    I do agree with Schlussel on one thing – Wanda Sykes is not only overrated, she’s unwatchable. Painfully unfunny. Her career is an inexplicable to me as Carrot Top.

  20. #20 surlygrad
    July 23, 2006

    come on. it may have no bearing on the accuracy of her statements, but it’s hard to take someone seriously who makes critiques of culture, including sexuality, from a person who doesn’t know anything about sex.

  21. #21 Leni
    July 23, 2006

    Oh, I’m sure she knows plenty about sex.

    Like the fact that anal sex is ok for girls, because then you’re still a virgin.

  22. #22 Fishyfred
    July 23, 2006

    I bet she knows that you never EVER go ass-to-mouth.

    Just saw it. IMHO, it might have been BETTER than Clerks.

  23. #23 Marc
    July 24, 2006

    Enjoyed it a lot. Rosario Dawson is MUCH cuter than she was in ‘Alexander’, and… KING DIAMOND! Trust Smith to bring the rawk!

  24. #24 Matthew
    July 24, 2006

    I absolutely hated it. This movie has some of the most immature humor (and in the completely contrived way, I think), but then turns around and has a mushy friendship scene. Aside from a couple of very small moments, I didn’t like anything about the film.

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