Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Now Sears has Gone Gay

And the AFA is on the case. Sears apparently takes out advertisements on Logo, a cable channel aimed at gays. According to Donald Wildmon, apparently, selling Craftsman tools and Kenmore appliances to gays just feeds the Evil Gay Agenda. After all, they might use those appliances to whip up some delicious salmon mousse with which to tempt unsuspecting, nubile young men into being gay. Our innate sexual desires are no match for the salmon mousse. One bite and they’ll be singing Over the Rainbow, snapping their fingers and making pithy comments while watching The View. The salmon mousse must be stopped, people. Only you can stop the salmon mousse by boycotting Sears. Or something.

Comments

  1. #1 MarkP
    December 8, 2006

    Perhaps its time to constantly bring up Mark Foley and Ted Haggert as examples that rabidly vocal anti-gayness is a good indication of repressed gayness. Link the two in the social consciousness. It may not shut the Fred Phelps’ of the world up, but it will be sure fun finding out. Why else would they obsess so over what everyone else does with their naughty bits?

  2. #2 Anuminous
    December 8, 2006

    I would just like to point out that whereas I have occasionally considered the advantages of going after guys rather than girls, I have NEVER been interested in whipped fish. Nor, acutally, fish prepared in most manners. This has caused my father some angst. Not the potentially gay thing, but the disliking seafood thing you see. My father (who hails from Price, Utah originally), had absorbed the New England culture in the 30 years he lived here, and he likes such things as Fin and Haddie (think salt cod cream stew), and gets mighty embarrassed that his son has no taste for seafood. I do enjoy canned tuna now and again though.

  3. #3 Brian X
    December 8, 2006

    MarkP:

    Might be a good idea.

    Anuminous:

    I too have considered a little switch hitting from time to time, and while it sounds incredibly hot while I’m thinking about it, all I need to do is take a look at another guy and realize I’m not quite as into it as I think…

    That said, not so much into salmon mousse myself, though I like fish in general.

    Has an AFA boycott ever worked, anyway? I remember the whole business with “housewife” Terry Rakolta and Wildmon way the hell back when Married With Children first came on the air — their boycott went so well that MwC became one of Fox’s biggest hits ever. I think Wildmon also tried to monkeywrench NYPD Blue, which was canceled after an embarrassingly short twelve seasons.

  4. #4 kehrsam
    December 8, 2006

    Can’t these guys just let us know which stores are safe? The list of boycotts is getting pretty long. Although, come to think of it, salmon mousse on toast points is sounding good right now, maybe with a nice chardonnay…Teh Gay, Teh Gay!!!

  5. #5 kehrsam
    December 8, 2006

    That was close.

  6. #6 Anuminous
    December 8, 2006

    Relax, kehrsam. Have a beer and some Cheetos and you will be just fine. If your television is tuned to men driving in circles, that might help as well.

    Fact is, no store is safe. You can’t identify gay shoppers very reliably in the real world. It seems they are human beings, and at some point, EVERY store has a gay person shopping there!

  7. #7 kehrsam
    December 8, 2006

    From the article:

    Wildmon’s email does not threaten a boycott of Sears but in the past similar AFA actions have led to boycotts of companies the group believes to be pro-gay.

    Logo, part of MTV networks, is available to almost 25 million homes across the country. Sears is one of only 80 national advertisers which include American Express, Intel, Kodak, Lexus and Pepsi.

    I’d suspected Lexus and Pepsi for some time, but Kodak?

  8. #8 Anuminous
    December 8, 2006

    We all knew that Pepsi is soulless, and Lexus is hardly a suprise, but around here (Boston, of all places), Kodak has a reputation of being a goood Mormon company.

  9. #9 AndyS
    December 9, 2006

    Come on, we all knew Time “The Toolman” Taylor had to be gay with that over-the-top macho act and the quiet, mild-mannered sidekick who always looked after him. And Tim was just nuts about Sears’ Craftsman tools.

  10. #10 SL
    December 9, 2006

    “I do enjoy canned tuna now and again though.”

    Yes, but with mayo and sweet pickle relish — or balsamic vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, dijon mustard, tarragon, kalamata olives, and a touch of garlic, on a bed of field greens?

  11. #11 Andrew
    December 10, 2006

    So let me get this straight (no pun intended):

    o Sears sells goods to consumers.
    o Some consumers are gay and can thus be classed as a demographic.
    o Sears finds a channel that allows them to reach a portion of the gay demographic in order to (maybe) deliver targeted format advertising.
    o The existence of this channel is not disputed in itself (presumably because of free-speech provisions).
    o Sears is responsible for the collapse of Family Values and American society.

    Is that correct?

  12. #12 paulh
    December 11, 2006

    But what about all those people who watched the channel to get away fromt the Sears adverts? What are they going to do?

  13. #13 bc
    December 11, 2006

    Well, there just might be something in what Wildmon says. The Denver Post has a story this morning about ANOTHER evangelical megachurch pastor that has admitted to being gay and having to struggle against it his entire life. So, all of you naysayers – if Sears, Walmart, and whatever other company that kowtows to the gay agenda had remained on the straight and narrow, these evangelical pastors would have been successful in their struggle against teh gay!

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