I know the week has just begun, but I predict that this article by Doug Giles will be the dumbest thing you’ll read all week. He’s making a bad attempt at humor, but really it’s just ignorance with a little sarcasm thrown in.
I think I speak for most heterosexual males when I say I’m not homophobic but chick-o-centric. Let’s keep it positive, okay? It’s not that we dislike you, the gay guy; it’s just that we really like girls. It seems no matter how long we compliantly spend in rehab undergoing the most stringent psychotherapy to rid ourselves of our knee-jerk to your mate choice, the simple fact is . . . heterosexual guys don’t “get” gays. Period.
A bold statement, but a completely false one. I’m a heterosexual guy and I “get” gays. I don’t understand why they’re attracted to those of the same sex, but I also don’t understand why I’m attracted to those of the opposite sex. I just am; the same appears to be true of them. You see Doug, you and I both “really like girls.” The difference between us is that I don’t consider the fact that someone else doesn’t like girls to be any threat to my ability to like girls. I can like girls just fine without needing every other man on earth to like girls too.
In fact, if you were to be logical about this, one would think that you’d be happy to have fewer men competing for those girls you like so much, especially men who, as a group, are probably a lot better looking than you, dress better, dance better and don’t live like overgrown frat boys their whole life. You can’t compete with that, Doug (nor can I, frankly); you should be happy to have them out of your dating pool.
Heck, we don’t understand women. What makes you think we’ll ever understand a man who doesn’t like women yet wants to be a woman?
I wouldn’t expect an ignoramus who thinks all gay men want to be women to understand anything; you are, of course, confirming that expectation.
Please, rehab freaks, you’re wasting your time on the heterosexual tribe trying to get us to be cool with that which is incomprehensible to us. Just like the homosexual, we are quite happy with our sexual bent and our own little world, so leave us alone, por favor.
Rehab freaks? You mean like the folks who rushed Ted Haggard off to “get out the gay” rehab? You mean the ex-gay movement that thinks that you can pray the gay away? Perhaps not. I’m happy with my sexual bent too, Doug. Are gays actually trying to stop you from liking girls? Because I’ve got lots of gay friends and none of them has ever even suggested that I change my “sexual bent.” Perhaps you’re really arguing with the gay man in your head, the one who says all the things you want him to say, rather than with actual gay men, who frankly couldn’t care less what your sexual bent is.
Now, this doesn’t mean that heterosexuals hate you, the homosexual. It simply means we’re focused on women; which, by command, causes our paths of camaraderie to part. No, this is not a phobia and it doesn’t mean we loathe you. It’s simply the funk of nature. As a matter of fact, I have several friends that are gay. I kind of view them like dolphins; they’re fun, entertaining and creative. I truly enjoy their presence. I just don’t know what they get out of eating mullet. My homosexual acquaintances view me in a similar light.
Ah, the old “I’ve got lots of gay friends” line. Someone might believe that if you viewed them as, you know, people. The rest just gets dumber and dumber.