Dispatches from the Creation Wars

I know the week has just begun, but I predict that this article by Doug Giles will be the dumbest thing you’ll read all week. He’s making a bad attempt at humor, but really it’s just ignorance with a little sarcasm thrown in.

I think I speak for most heterosexual males when I say I’m not homophobic but chick-o-centric. Let’s keep it positive, okay? It’s not that we dislike you, the gay guy; it’s just that we really like girls. It seems no matter how long we compliantly spend in rehab undergoing the most stringent psychotherapy to rid ourselves of our knee-jerk to your mate choice, the simple fact is . . . heterosexual guys don’t “get” gays. Period.

A bold statement, but a completely false one. I’m a heterosexual guy and I “get” gays. I don’t understand why they’re attracted to those of the same sex, but I also don’t understand why I’m attracted to those of the opposite sex. I just am; the same appears to be true of them. You see Doug, you and I both “really like girls.” The difference between us is that I don’t consider the fact that someone else doesn’t like girls to be any threat to my ability to like girls. I can like girls just fine without needing every other man on earth to like girls too.

In fact, if you were to be logical about this, one would think that you’d be happy to have fewer men competing for those girls you like so much, especially men who, as a group, are probably a lot better looking than you, dress better, dance better and don’t live like overgrown frat boys their whole life. You can’t compete with that, Doug (nor can I, frankly); you should be happy to have them out of your dating pool.

Heck, we don’t understand women. What makes you think we’ll ever understand a man who doesn’t like women yet wants to be a woman?

I wouldn’t expect an ignoramus who thinks all gay men want to be women to understand anything; you are, of course, confirming that expectation.

Please, rehab freaks, you’re wasting your time on the heterosexual tribe trying to get us to be cool with that which is incomprehensible to us. Just like the homosexual, we are quite happy with our sexual bent and our own little world, so leave us alone, por favor.

Rehab freaks? You mean like the folks who rushed Ted Haggard off to “get out the gay” rehab? You mean the ex-gay movement that thinks that you can pray the gay away? Perhaps not. I’m happy with my sexual bent too, Doug. Are gays actually trying to stop you from liking girls? Because I’ve got lots of gay friends and none of them has ever even suggested that I change my “sexual bent.” Perhaps you’re really arguing with the gay man in your head, the one who says all the things you want him to say, rather than with actual gay men, who frankly couldn’t care less what your sexual bent is.

Now, this doesn’t mean that heterosexuals hate you, the homosexual. It simply means we’re focused on women; which, by command, causes our paths of camaraderie to part. No, this is not a phobia and it doesn’t mean we loathe you. It’s simply the funk of nature. As a matter of fact, I have several friends that are gay. I kind of view them like dolphins; they’re fun, entertaining and creative. I truly enjoy their presence. I just don’t know what they get out of eating mullet. My homosexual acquaintances view me in a similar light.

Ah, the old “I’ve got lots of gay friends” line. Someone might believe that if you viewed them as, you know, people. The rest just gets dumber and dumber.

Comments

#1 Jim51
February 27, 2007

Wow. Just wow. Who is this guy?
My favorite part of his oh so humorous blather is this:

1. Just because we like art and fine furniture, wash our cars, regularly bathe and brush our teeth, and like nice clothes doesn’t mean we’re latent. What it means is that your team doesn’t have a monopoly on taste or decorum.

Do *we* like art and fine furniture? Do gays constitute a team?
One thing is for sure… the taste and decorum of Doug Giles will not soon break the gay team monopoly.
#2 Brian
February 27, 2007

The worst part is, he thinks he’s being funny.
#3 Gretchen
February 27, 2007

He has gay friends? Really? I wonder if he’s ever told them his theory that they want to be women.

Please, rehab freaks, you’re wasting your time on the heterosexual tribe trying to get us to be cool with that which is incomprehensible to us.

“Be cool” does not equal “be gay.” Please say that to yourself 200 times a night for six months before you contemplate writing another essay as idiotic as this one. Oh, and you don’t speak for the “heterosexual tribe”…..thank goodness.
#4 gary l. day
February 27, 2007

Dolphins? Well, I’ve been compared with worse.
#5 bc
February 27, 2007

Thank God there are stereotypes as to gender identification or the good Rev Giles would have had just a sentence here – “I don’t like homosexuals.”
#6 CPT_Doom
February 27, 2007

I cannot tell you how many times I have had straight men tell me (or heard about straight men who thought this about me) that it was okay that I was gay because “you can’t tell.” That seems to be exactly what Giles and the commenters on his article are saying – the whole “we don’t care, just don’t shove it down our throats” crap, or the “why do you have to parade around.” Even look at the examples he chooses of unacceptable gay men – Bobby Trendy?!

I hate to tell Mr. Giles this, but the difference between him and Ed, for instance, is likely not his issue with gays, but rather with women. Quite frankly, you’re a sexist Mr. Giles. You don’t “get” women, have you tried talking to them? Have you tried breaking out of your self-imposed macho shell and actually tried to relate to women as human beings? My guess is, no, and that is the difference between you and Ed.

It always amazes me how much these “I have gay friends, but find it icky anyway” guys are focused on the superficial – if someone doesn’t “act” gay, and they don’t have to consider the possibility that they might be, then it’s okay. “You can be gay, I just don’t want to know about it” – it’s just such a sad attitude. And it’s not like the superficials say much about the true character of a man.
#7 Gretchen
February 27, 2007

I hate to tell Mr. Giles this, but the difference between him and Ed, for instance, is likely not his issue with gays, but rather with women. Quite frankly, you’re a sexist Mr. Giles. You don’t “get” women, have you tried talking to them?

It always boggles my mind how homophobes ever attract women– can the women honestly not make this connection? Maybe if we all banded together and refused to date homophobic men, they might rethink things.
#8 mark
February 27, 2007

I’m not homophobic but chick-o-centric

Hmmm….does this mean Doug prefers dressing in “chick” clothing and doing all the things “chicks” do?
#9 Skemono
February 27, 2007

Heck, we don’t understand women.

and

Please, rehab freaks, you’re wasting your time on the heterosexual tribe trying to get us to be cool with that which is incomprehensible to us.

So shouldn’t everything he just said about gays apply to his attitudes towards women?
#10 Matt Ray
February 27, 2007

Didn’t Rev. Haggard prove evangelicals can “get” all the gays they want?
#11 raj
February 27, 2007

Didn’t Rev. Haggard prove evangelicals can “get” all the gays they want?

If the evangelicals pay them, of course

Ed’s right about the article, but I’ll merely point out one thing. From the article:

What makes you think we’ll ever understand a man who doesn’t like women yet wants to be a woman?

This is a comment I’ve seen a lot on right-wing web sites–I first saw it on FreeRepublic.com about a decade ago. The obvious implication was that right-wingers believe that “homosexuals” are the catchers in a relationship, but not the pitchers. When I would ask, who they believed we got to pitch to us–straight boys–they were dumbfounded.

A second obvious implication is that they totally ignore lesbians. It is only the gay men that they are interested in.
#12 Corkscrew
February 27, 2007

Let’s keep it positive, okay? It’s not that we dislike you, the gay guy; it’s just that we really like girls.

Actually I’d say there’s a seed of truth here, but it’s missing a few steps:

1) “We like girls”
2) “Some of us are better able to get girls than others”
3) “We tend to be impressed by these individuals”
4) “We therefore construct a social structure partially founded on this attribute”
5) “We realise that there’s a big group out there that don’t subscribe to the axioms of this structure”
6) “We don’t know how these people will react in a pecking-order situation”
7) “We therefore get stressed and socially uncomfortable in the presence of these people”
8) “We act bigoted as a result”
#13 raj
February 27, 2007

One more thing.

It’s not that we dislike you, the gay guy; it’s just that we really like girls.

Um, I’m a gay male. I like girls, too. I just don’t want to have sex with them.

As far as I’ve observed, a lot of straight men don’t particularly like girls (I’m generalizing, of course). They just want to have sex with them.
#14 Pseudonym
February 27, 2007

He does make one good point, though.

Just like the homosexual, we are quite happy with our sexual bent and our own little world, so leave us alone, por favor.

Pretty much all homosexual people just want to be left alone to live their life, too. The problem is that the government, its agencies, and the odd random person won’t let them.
#15 ebohlman
February 27, 2007

I think Corkscrew nailed it on what was puzzling Ed about why more straight men don’t see gay men as reducing the competition. To someone like Ed, heterosexuality is about a mutual erotic and romantic attraction between men and women. But to someone like Giles, it’s about social competition between men, where the aim is not so much to get something you like but to deny the other guy the ability to get it. In that form of “heterosexuality” women are purely tokens used to keep score; sexually they’re glorified blow-up dolls. To them, gay men are no good because they don’t have girlfriends that can be stolen from them or wives that can be cheated on with.
#16 Hellocthulu
February 27, 2007

Guess what? I “don’t get” why people like tuna. I consider it a vile substance. My friends eat it. Same with mangos. I “don’t get” why some guys like cock, although I do understand why some girls like vagina (hell, it’s what the girls see in men that has me baffled). I consider these preferences to be of roughly equal importance.

OK, I take that back. All tuna-eaters are sub-human monsters, thralls of Dagon, and likely Innsmouth expatriots. Purge them with fire, and sow the ground with salt.
#17 Brian
February 27, 2007

Hellocthulu? Maybe you shouldn’t have talked about your dislike for ‘tuna’ in a reply where you’re being quite so explicit about sexuality. It might be misconstrued.

Just saying, is all.
#18 Hellocthulu
February 27, 2007

That tastes nothing like tuna.

Or mango.

Or Chocolate-coated Jeebus.

Or gay man’s penis.

Actually, I don’t know what that last one tastes like….

Damn it, Jesus’ General was right, the evils of homoislamofascismianity are turning Godly mens’ thoughts to other mens’ little soldiers.

Damn you Bruce (in God’s hellfire-laced loving way)
#19 raj
February 28, 2007

Actually, I don’t know what that last one tastes like….

If you were to suck your thumb, you’d get a fairly good approximation. Not kidding.
#20 Greta Christina
February 28, 2007

“I ‘don’t get’ why people like tuna.”

And the Tunaphile Army’s press gang is on their way to your door now, to force you to eat tuna against your will. Beware! Beware! They’re at your door RIGHT NOW!

Just like the Homosexual Army’s press gang is out to force poor Doug Giles to become a homosexual.

You know, I was initially puzzled by Giles’s equation of “liking and understanding gay people” with “personally wanting to have sex with other men.” But then I remembered the studies showing that the most homophobic straight men tend to be secretly attracted to other men. The “ew, gross” attitude is often a smokescreen.

In other words, methinks the lady doth protest too much.
#21 Nebogipfel
February 28, 2007

It’s always puzzled me how any essay of this type invariably finishes with the author saying how well he gets on with his gay acquaintances. I can only think that, if this is really true, it shows a strong correlation between being gay and being tolerant of condescending twerps.

I find it unlikely that Mr. Giles’ gay friends regard *him* as being like a dolphin, what with dolphins being fun, entertaining, intelligent and sociable.
#22 raj
February 28, 2007

Nebogipfel | February 28, 2007 07:42 AM

It’s the same old rant from the racists (I’ve got black friends) and anti-semites (I’ve got Jewish friends). At some point, it becomes tiresome. And so patently obvious that anyone can see it a mile away.
#23 Foster Disbelief
February 28, 2007

Wow.

That may have been the most idiotic thing I’ve read this year that didn’t involve ID.