Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Could It Be….SATAN?

To add to the ever-growing list of idiotic explanations for the VT shootings, Richard Roberts (the 2nd generation fraud/conman/parasite, son of Oral Roberts) says it’s all Satan’s fault:

Dr. Richard Roberts, president of Oral Roberts University, shouts an unequivocal “Yes!”

“Based on what I’ve seen in the news,” Roberts said in an interview, “there’s no doubt that this act was Satanic in origin.”

“Dr” Richard Roberts (which is roughly equivalent to “Rev” Al Sharpton). And he’s got a handle on all the devil’s bag of tricks:

Roberts added that he doesn’t know if it was Satanic “possession” or “oppression.” Possession, he said, occurs when Satan takes over a person’s life, and the person’s actions are dictated by demonic possession within. Roberts says he’s seen this type and has seen the Devil cast out of a person.

Satanic “oppression,” on the other hand, is “that which comes against.” “It’s not in a person, but is coming against them, trying to put evil thoughts in their minds,” Roberts said.

He said that the evil thoughts in Satanic oppression can be fairly innocuous, or they can be harmful. And the oppression can be in the form of fear, depression or discouragement, he said, because “Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy.”

Roberts says we’ll never know whether Cho was “possessed” or “oppressed,” because the killer has died. But he did leave a note blasting everyone around him, calling them “rich kids,” and “deceitful charlatans,” and then blaming them, saying “you made me do this.”

Roberts describes Cho’s writings as “just words,” and says words are one of Satan’s tools to bring about Man’s destruction.

Words are tools of Satan. But….Richard Roberts just told us that in….words. I guess that explains the Devil’s Dictionary. Obviously, we need to appoint a blue ribbon commission of televangelist “doctors” to study the problem and issue a report. But in binary code only, please, no words. The fact that this cretin actually manages to fool untold thousands of people into sending him money is enough to make me despair for our species.

Comments

  1. #1 Tulle
    April 25, 2007

    Ed, Ed, Ed, binary code is the base of the Satan words. Have you not noticed that evil has run free since the invention of computers???? Bits make bytes, and bytes make words! Not to even metion how Satan took over and forced ASCII on us, replacing the Godly EBCDIC.

  2. #2 Bartholomew
    April 25, 2007

    Roberts is not the only one. This guy has some helpful advice:

    “There are three origins of voices : God, man, and the devil. Isolated individuals often cannot differentiate between the voices they hear and often internally take ownership of them as their own. Internalizing and taking personal ownership of demonic voice’s directives can be both deceptive and deadly.” – Paul F. Davis.

    …”The eyes are the window of the soul. Cho Seung-Hui’s eyes revealed there was another resident occupying and possessing him. Cho’s dull eyes displayed an absence of life and abandonment. His body was the host and the demons the parasitical inhabitants, which clearly spoke through him during his video manifesto mentioning ‘my children, my brothers and sisters’ of which there was no factual basis…

  3. #3 Flying Fox
    April 25, 2007

    How do they know Cho wasn’t possessed by a nine-tailed fox? Nine-tailed foxes can possess people and make them act insane. The only difference between fox possession and demonic possession is a craving for red beans. We have no way of knowing if poor Cho was craving red beans in abnormal quantity, so who can prove me wrong, besides everyone likely to post on this board and their brother?

  4. #4 kehrsam
    April 25, 2007

    It could have just been the Giant Squid of Doom: Diabetes. I get Him and Satan confused all the time. http://www.demonbuster.com/diabetic.html

  5. #5 Kristine
    April 25, 2007

    Considering what is and is not “God’s Will,” I get God and Satan confused all the time.

  6. #6 spartanrider
    April 25, 2007

    Richard Roberts channeling Flip Wison.The debil made me to it!

  7. #7 Wonders for Oyarsa
    April 25, 2007

    Ed… Ed… You’re doing it again. Seek first to understand, then to critique.

    Bullets were one of the Nazis best tools against individual allied soldiers. Were we wrong to use bullets against them?

  8. #8 Old Scratch
    April 25, 2007

    You snicker about the presence of Satan — are you blind? Check Microsoft source code and their patent applications. That will put a chill in your heart.

  9. #9 Ed Brayton
    April 25, 2007

    Wonders wrote:

    Ed… Ed… You’re doing it again. Seek first to understand, then to critique.

    Bullets were one of the Nazis best tools against individual allied soldiers. Were we wrong to use bullets against them?

    You’re overanalyzing what was clearly a joke.

  10. #10 Wonders for Oyarsa
    April 25, 2007

    You’re overanalyzing what was clearly a joke.

    Hey – I’M the one who is supposed to have my jokes taken seriously…

  11. #11 Kristine
    April 25, 2007

    Get thee behind me, Satan! There are just 10 kinds of people that understand binary code.

    Those that do and those that don’t. ;-)

  12. #12 Non-Christian guy
    April 25, 2007

    Cho was a idiot all he did was get mad and go off shooting people. he wasn’t possesed, he was a lonely lunatic who wasn’t americanized. satan had nothing to do with it.

  13. #13 kehrsam
    April 25, 2007

    Everyone knows that God favors base12. Until this nation accepts a Godly mathematics, this sort of thing will keep happening.

  14. #14 Grumpy
    April 25, 2007

    I read that article last week. What struck me as the most shameful part was how they manipulated ol’ Michael Shermer.

    Michael Shermer, editor of the Skeptics Magazine, acknowledges Christianity’s take on Satan has a great deal of weight to it.

    Not that Shermer believes in demonic possession, the story is quick to point out. But that just sets up Robert Schuller — Robert Schuller! — to be the voice of reason.

    “I think it’s pure psychotic crack-up.”

    And then it ends with Fox News Channel Religion Correspondent Lauren Green editorializing thusly:

    But the scenario of demonic possession fits neatly in the Christian paradigm.

    Well, it did, centuries ago. Before modern medicine. Ever heard of it??

  15. #15 mollishka
    April 25, 2007

    Well, if you call the reason why there is any bad in the world “Satan,” then I suppose this tragedy is rightfully Satan’s fault …

  16. #16 Alan Kellogg
    April 25, 2007

    I know Satan. I’ve worked with Satan. Satan is a friend of mine. Satan is no Cho Seung-hui.

  17. #17 Crudely Wrott
    April 25, 2007

    Hey Kellogg–that was “oh, double good”.

  18. #18 valhar2000
    April 26, 2007

    The fact that this cretin actually manages to fool untold thousands of people into sending him money is enough to make me despair for our species.

    That is actually the reason why my atheism brings me despair: no god to save me from these idiots…

  19. #19 Mike
    April 26, 2007

    Satanic Oppression: “It’s not in a person, but is coming against them, trying to put evil thoughts in their minds,” and can be manifested as “fear, depression or discouragement”. Sounds to me like it is Satan guiding the psychological process. It sounds “idiotic” to me too, but so does God guiding the process of evolution. Maybe it is better to say that they are both unjustifiable in principle but not demonstrably false, so as long as Oral’s boy doesn’t attempt to introduce Satanic Psychology into the curriculum we should try to work with him… Nah, dismissing it as idiotic is more accurate.

  20. #20 386sx
    April 26, 2007

    http://kutv.com/local/local_story_116133225.html

    According to The Salt Lake Tribune, Utah County District 65 Chairman Don Larsen has submitted a formal resolution to oppose the devil’s plan to destroy the country — to be discussed this weekend at the Utah County Republican Convention.

    “In order for Satan to establish his ‘New World Order’ and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.,” Larsen’s resolution states. “[It is] insidious for its stealth and innocuousness.”

    Larsen’s proposal to defeat Satan? Close the borders to illegal immigrants to “prevent the destruction of the U.S. by stealth invasion.”

    I think Mr. Larsen might be doing a little disingenuous demagogy there, because if he really believed in that “predicted in the scriptures” stuff then he wouldn’t think that he could make the predictions of the scriptures not come true. Then on the other hand maybe he just isn’t a very logical thinker. Liar, lunatic, or demagogy? I dunno.

  21. #21 doctorgoo
    April 26, 2007

    Oh. My. Dog.
    (please pardon my dyslexia)

    The article that 386sx points out is titled Utah Republican Blames ‘The Devil’ For Immigration, and there is just too much idiocy here for me to give justice to the mocking it deserves!

    But for a moment, let’s put aside the stupidity of implying that the US (which Jesus favors above all others, apparently) is the only thing standing in the way of satan forming a ‘New World Order’. He’s actually saying that satan is using illegal immigrants to do so… you know… the 95% of whom are Mexican and South American Catholics!

    Mr. Larsen totally slays me with his ingenious stance on immigration issues…

  22. #22 ArtK
    April 29, 2007

    “Dr.” Roberts:

    … words are one of Satan’s tools to bring about Man’s destruction.

    Bible (John 1:1, KJV):

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word wasGod.

    Therefore, God is Satan’s tool, at least according to “Dr.” Roberts. QED.