Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
Oh yes He does. Alan Keyes has announced that he will run for president and he'll be in the "Values Voters" debate. What values are those? The values to disown your teenage daughter when you find out she's gay. The values to claim that when someone else leaves their home state and moves to another state to run for office that is nothing less than the "destruction of federalism", but if he does it then that's totally different (and in a sense he's right - at least Clinton actually moved to New York; Keyes just rented a crappy apartment during the campaign). God1 clearly loves me. Here's some of what Alan had to say about his candidacy:
As a result, Keyes said, "We're putting together an effort that's not going to be like anything before, because it's going to be entirely based on citizen action. We're going to be challenging people to take a pledge for America's revival," and elevate them from spectators in the political arena to participants.
What can I say? He had me at hello. I hereby pledge to report every stupid, counter-factual or crazy thing Keyes says during the campaign until he inevitably withdraws due to lack of funds and single-digit polling numbers. Keyes is like the Jerry Quarry of electoral politics (is there anyone here who gets that reference?); his job is to look like a credible opponent prior to getting beaten like an ugly stepchild. If I should die before completing that duty, I ask that Jon Rowe continue my important work.
1 That God is Bacchus, by the way. If you have to have a deity, you might as well choose one whose commandments include "Thou shalt pair a nice Napa Valley Cabernet with your ribeye steak."
Comments
Impossible. There's simply not enough time to counter the levels of absolute insanity Keyes brings to the table. You'll be blogging about nothing else.
Posted by: MAJeff | September 16, 2007 9:37 AM
Re Jerry Quarry
Are you alluding to many failed comeback attempts, or to suffering from Alzheimers?
Posted by: Karl | September 16, 2007 10:31 AM
I hereby pledge to report every stupid, counter-factual or crazy thing Keyes says during the campaign
This is a bit of hyperbole, right? MAJeff's right - if you do that you won't have time to blog about anything else. Heck, you might not have time to DO anything else - like sleep or eat.
Best to stick with the "highlights" I'd think - even Keyes on an off day probably brings more crazy to the table than the rest of the current GOP hopefuls combined. Probably.
Posted by: NonyNony | September 16, 2007 10:42 AM
It should be pointed out that New York is used to carpetbaggers. Remember James Buckley from Connecticut, Robert Kennedy from Virginia, and Daniel Patrick Moynahan who, although born in Buffalo was living in Boston at the time of his election to the Senate.
Posted by: SLC | September 16, 2007 10:48 AM
Jerry Quarry was a great fighter, a bona fide contender despite his size. He was a Golden Gloves national champion. It's just that most of the guys who beat him were greater. Chuck Wepner would suit your rhetorical purposes better. Alan Keyes has never been and will never be taken as seriously as Jerry Quarry was.
Posted by: Rob Ryan | September 16, 2007 11:48 AM
Rob Ryan: So, "You're no Jerry Quarry" remains a pretty good beatdown, just not as bad as, "You're no Chuck Wepner." I think I'm cool with that.
I'm really looking forward to the values debate now that Tom Tancredo has some competition for the nutsy cuckoo demographic.
Posted by: kehrsam | September 16, 2007 12:44 PM
Ed: As a Baccahnte, beware the fate of Pentheus, to be torn apart by a crowd of women (including your own mother) and devoured on the spot. Of course, there is probably a downside to the religion as well that I'm missing.
Posted by: kehrsam | September 16, 2007 12:53 PM
Wonderful news. America's greatest performance artist is back and I expect this campaign to be nothing less than a new masterpiece.
Posted by: Rob Lll | September 16, 2007 2:42 PM
I'm sure his proud lesbian daughter will have something to say about the matter soon...
Uh, sorry, that should read "his daughter, who is a proud lesbian..."
Posted by: tacitus | September 16, 2007 4:33 PM
I'm sure his proud lesbian daughter will have something to say about the matter soon...
Uh, sorry, that should read "his daughter, who is a proud lesbian..."
Posted by: tacitus | September 16, 2007 4:34 PM
Ain't it wonderful having a well-informed audience? One can get an education just by reading the comments at a blog with some intelligence.
Posted by: Ed Darrell | September 16, 2007 4:52 PM
Hey, Napa has our* dirt!
*Sonoma County.
Posted by: Inoculated Mind | September 16, 2007 4:52 PM
My father is a huge Keyes fan. at least he can now stop worrying about which Republican candidate to support, maybe this will be a good thing.
Posted by: Michael Suttkus, II | September 16, 2007 7:26 PM
He disowned his daughter? This man is a monster. What kind of human being puts his bigotry and his political career ahead of his own children?
Well, at least he's a monster who can always provide a good laugh. Like something from Pixar.
Posted by: Brandon | September 16, 2007 7:37 PM
An all too common one.
I've spent far too much time around gay people treated this way. I've had students told to move out the very same day their parents found out they're gay. I've worked with fellow organizers who hadn't spoken to their parents in over a decade because they'd been thrown out. I have one friend whose mother won't let him tell his father. I have another friend whose sister won't allow him to be alone in a room with her childrenl, and whose mother hid a wedding invitation from him so he wouldn't attend.
Families of origin have not been welcoming spaces for queer people. I'm one of the lucky ones, and I never forget that. But I also make a very clear distinction between relatives and family. My parents remain family members. Most of my aunts and uncles are not (except for my lesbian aunts). My best friends are family. My grandmother is merely a relative.
Posted by: MAJeff | September 16, 2007 8:01 PM
Well, let me just say that "Less human than Dick Cheney" is not something I'd put on a resumé.
Posted by: Brandon | September 16, 2007 8:25 PM
Uh, Ed? A while back we had a conversation about your photo. I was the one that said you looked drunk. You refuted that and now you hold Bacchus up as you god? Care to revisit the wasted comment?
Posted by: mess | September 16, 2007 9:34 PM
borat interviews alan keyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwU7c2QEdKI
Posted by: andromeda | September 17, 2007 5:35 AM
Alan Keyes blats on about the Iraq War. Some surprises here.
Posted by: Kristine | September 17, 2007 10:37 AM
Quote:
...until he inevitably withdraws due to lack of funds and single-digit polling numbers.
Unh, shouldn't that be "zero-digit polling numbers"?
Posted by: DaleP | September 18, 2007 10:50 AM