Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Remember that little tempest over the $1 presidential coins having “In God We Trust” on the edge rather than on the front or back? Some in the religious right threw a hissy fit about it and now Congress has stepped up and bravely returned the phrase to its more prominent place. They inserted a provision requiring the motto to be front and center into the Department of State, Foreign Operations, and Related Programs Appropriations Act, a $550 billion appropriations bill that Bush signed into law this week.

The amendment was sponsored by Sen. Sam Brownback, long locked into a battle with James Inhofe for the title of the Senate’s most loopy member, and former KKK grand wizard and world class tax money thief Sen. Robert Byrd. Sen. Brownback reminds us how vitally important their legislation was:

The 2005 congressional bill mandated the inscriptions be placed along the edge to allow “larger and more dramatic artwork” on the front and back. It was not a decision made by the mint.

But some coins made it through production without having the inscriptions stamped on the edge, and some experts say the wording on the coin’s edge could rub off over time. Others expressed concern that moving the “In God We Trust” motto to the side of the coins was the first step in removing it altogether.

“Since the colonial beginnings of the United States, citizens of this nation have officially acknowledged their dependence on God,” Brownback said in a news release Dec. 6. “It is important that our national motto, ‘In God We Trust,’ is prominently displayed on all of our currency. We should not relegate our heritage to the side.”

He’s got a point. If that motto is moved to the side of the coin, it’s quite possible that God won’t notice that we trust him and this might provoke him to unleash his legendary wrath upon us. After all, the Lord is getting up there in age and the eyes are often the first thing to go. This would explain how, when the good people of Georgia prayed for rain, God sent a storm that accidentally tore the roof off a Baptist church in Tennessee and injured several children.

Do we really want to risk our lives by not making our reliance upon a God with failing eyesight as explicit and easily read as possible? I dare say not. In fact, I suggest putting it in braille just in case. The people of Dover, PA, who have suffered the Lord’s anger after evicting him from their town, would be the first to tell us not to take any chances in provoking ol’ Yahweh. He can be downright nasty when people aren’t bowing and scraping enough.

Thank God these brave men saved this Godly Republic from destruction with this selfless act of heroism.