Ed Brayton is a freelance writer and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
And it's in Ohio, where you would think they'd be more aware of the legal reality on this issue. The local paper reports that the Pymatuning Valley Local School District is considering putting creationism into science classes because a parent raised the issue at their latest board meeting.
The parent, a Frank Piper, whose daughter is a PV Middle School fifth-grader, is concerned because the district is teaching the "big bang theory" of the creation of the universe and not presenting students with alternatives to Darwin's theory of evolution. Creationism, which posits that life is too complex to be explained by evolution alone, and its place in public school curricula, has been a highly debated issue in Ohio and elsewhere for several years.
Typically ignorant creationist, unable to grasp that big bang cosmology and biological evolution have nothing to do with one another. And he especially proves it with this statement:
Piper said his daughter is a straight A student and failed her test on the "big bang theory" because she didn't understand it."We're Christians," he said. "I couldn't even help her because I don't understand it."
Okay, that literally made me laugh out loud. How dare you teach something I don't understand! Well maybe you should get an education so you can help your daughter. The big bang is true whether you understand it or not (and whether you're Christians or not). Unfortunately, the school board sounds equally clueless:
Board of Education President Brad Lane said he was under the impression the district was teaching both sides of the issue, but PV Middle School Principal Andrew Kuthy said that is not the case."We teach what is out of the state curriculum," Kuthy said.
The Ohio Board of Education created the state public school curriculum, and public schools are obligated to follow it, he said.
Superintendent Jake Rose said the district would look into whether it could teach both views as part of the curriculum. Rose said he was going to do some research on the issue and speak with the district's science consultant as to where the state stands on the issue.
"The big-bang theory has been around forever, but (the parent is) right; it's just a theory," Rose said.
Beautiful. A school superintendent who uses the ridiculous phrase "just a theory." And we wonder why our kids aren't learning good science in schools. And there are not two sides to the issue. The "other side" of big bang cosmology, steady state cosmology, was discarded decades ago. "God did it" is not a theory and cannot comprise the "other side" in a scientific context.
Comments
Ohhhhh the stupid, it burns, it burns.
Posted by: dogmeatib | December 14, 2007 9:30 AM
Posted by: Bob O'H | December 14, 2007 9:57 AM
Oh, I can top that: ICR is asking Texas to allow them to grant graduate degrees in creationism.
See the Texas Observer, here:
http://www.texasobserver.org/blog/?p=719
and here:
http://www.texasobserver.org/blog/?p=718
Posted by: Ed Darrell | December 14, 2007 10:36 AM
/headdesk/
I'd be ashamed if my parents couldn't have helped me on my grade 5 homework. I mean, what's really required? Reading the book for 10 minutes and talking through what it says and asking what the teacher had to say... I can still do all the math I was required to in grade 5 (oooh, fractions... tricky stuff), and my English is much improved, as are my Geography, French, Science and time management skills. Even if the parent has been out of school for many many years, how hard is it to read and comprehend a text book? Is it more difficult than what you do at your job every day? And if the textbook is poorly written there are thousands of resources online that would help your understanding of the subject!
This parent is willfully ignorant and wants that dubious 'skill' to be passed on to students. If you cannot pass a test on material that was taught to you, you have to ask for help. If your parents can't help you, you have to ask the teacher. It's not rocket science.
Posted by: kodiak | December 14, 2007 10:49 AM
That parent need not bother to appear on the hit quiz show for dummies, Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?
Posted by: mark | December 14, 2007 11:04 AM
"Creationism, which posits that life is too complex to be explained by evolution alone, ..."
That's just the "frame". In reality, Creationism posits that the bible says so, therefore it IS true, and anything that says differently (be they facts, theories, evidence, reason, etc) must be false.
Posted by: divalent | December 14, 2007 11:09 AM
Yet another example of how the (Christian) Right is a bloody determined and shrewd crew, from think tanks to School Boards.
Frankly, I admire their planning and energy.
Posted by: Gingerbaker | December 14, 2007 11:45 AM
Piper said his daughter is a straight A student and failed her test on the "big bang theory" because she didn't understand it.
How about she tries reading the text book? She's in fifth grade. I doubt the reading is at a graduate course level.
Posted by: Bruce | December 14, 2007 12:05 PM
Every time creationism comes up in a school board somewhere, its proponents put on this false air of open-mindedness, pretending they'd never heard of this "controversy" before and were just "looking into it" in order to "see where we stand", and every time journalists report this nonsense without an ounce of skepticism.
These people repeat all the creationist tropes--"both sides", "just a theory", "teach the controversy"--to journalists over and over, and it's as if the reporters never notice that this talk is scripted. And then they sit there and marvel at the "potentially explosive new trial pitting God against science!" that emerges from the whole charade.
Posted by: Wes | December 14, 2007 12:11 PM
Board of Education President Brad Lane said he was under the impression the district was teaching both sides of the issue, but PV Middle School Principal Andrew Kuthy said that is not the case.
Okay thanks Mr. Kuthy for letting the Board of Education President know that!! I guess he had to find out one way or the other. (I guess.) ZzzzzzZZZzzz...
"We're Christians," he said. "I couldn't even help her because I don't understand it."
Okay thanks!!
Posted by: reindeer386sx | December 14, 2007 1:24 PM
Hmmm, highly dubious.
Whether his daughter agrees with the theory or not, it's unlikely that a straight-A student would fail to grasp it well enough to summarize it at the level expected for her age -- not that any of this has anything to do with the theory's validity.
I do not believe in unicorns, chakras, the story of Genesis, a drug-free Barry Bonds or a palatable recipe for okra. I am, however, able to explain the concepts.
Posted by: itchy | December 14, 2007 1:28 PM
So they're going after Big Bang Theory now? Oh goodie! Hubble, Redshift, case closed.
Posted by: Brando | December 14, 2007 2:35 PM
The Star-Beacon's readers are not pro-ID. I voted in the survey the paper has on its website. Out of 154 votes, about 65% opposed teaching ID in the classroom.
Of course, out-of-towners like me could be stuffing the ballot box.
According to the Ohio science standards on their website, it looks like the Big Bang is not part of the science curriculum until the 9th grade. So whatever this 5th grader is learning has got to be on the most elementary level. And her father can't understand it.
I'd love to see the actual questions.
Posted by: wheatdogg | December 14, 2007 3:35 PM
"We're Christians," he said. "I couldn't even help her because I don't understand it."
This is so great. His excuse for being an idiot is that he's a Christian? Way to score an own goal.
This is a close second to the all time #1: "We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture."
Posted by: MyPetSlug | December 14, 2007 4:13 PM
Okay, please, explain the concepts behind palatable okra. Sheesh, talk about fairy tales!
Posted by: Michael Suttkus, II | December 14, 2007 6:34 PM
Michael: Be sure the okra is young and not too tough, then bread and fry it quickly so it stays crisp and isn't too oily. Serve with just about any sauce.
On the other hand, okra boiled in a gumbo until it is the consistency of old diesel is about the worst vegetable ever served. Still better than parsnips.
Posted by: kehrsam | December 14, 2007 6:48 PM
Test on the big bang theory in 5th grade? Of course I was probably past 5th grade before the BBT was accepted but I think our toughest test was finding Alaska on a map of North America or something. Sounds like a load of shat.
Posted by: Curtis | December 14, 2007 7:44 PM
I'd be very interested in seeing statistics on the backgrounds of teachers who go into administration. I'm willing to bet that math and science are under-represented.
Posted by: Bill Poser | December 15, 2007 12:32 AM
I dunno: some fifth-graders are frighteningly smart.
Last year my son was 9 and after a lesson about the solar system, raised his hand and said, "I just don't understand it."
The teacher said, "Okay, Sam, what don't you understand?"
He said, "Gravitons. How do they propagate?"
I like to imagine the teacher flinging herself out the window (well, I actually LIKE this teacher a lot, and she's the one who reported the story to me, so...) at this point.
This is what I get for giving him unlimited television time for Nova, Nature, and most stuff on Discovery Network (and by the way, Mythbusters is a terrific example of empirical enquiry).
Posted by: Josh Hayes | December 15, 2007 12:56 AM
"Creationism, which posits that life is too complex to be explained by evolution alone,..."
Interesting, isn't it, that the press is now confusing ID and creationism? Oh wait, they're the same thing!
"How about she tries reading the text book? She's in fifth grade. I doubt the reading is at a graduate course level."
Sadly, there is probably not a textbook. Most elementary and middle schools don't use textbooks. Many students have never seen a textbook until they are in high school, where they steadfastly refuse to use such features as the index, table of contents.....
Posted by: BaldApe | December 15, 2007 9:43 AM
The comical thing is he pleads for understanding for being stupid because he's Christian and can't understand.
The sad thing is that the school board is every bit as stupid as this parent.
The scary thing is not one member had the balls to explain that creationism is religion and cannot be taught in school; perhaps, he should discuss it as possible curriculum in his child's Sunday school.
Posted by: Donna | December 17, 2007 8:31 AM