New Hampshire Marriages Lose Sanctity : Dispatches from the Culture Wars

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Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of Michigan Citizens for Science and co-founder of The Panda's Thumb. He has written for such publications as The Bard, Skeptic and Reports of the National Center for Science Education, spoken in front of many organizations and conferences, and appeared on nationally syndicated radio shows and on C-SPAN. Ed is also a Fellow with the Center for Independent Media and the host of Declaring Independence, a one hour weekly political talk show on WPRR in Grand Rapids, Michigan.(static)

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New Hampshire Marriages Lose Sanctity

Posted on: January 1, 2008 9:23 AM, by Ed Brayton

Today marks the beginning of civil unions for gays and lesbians in the state of New Hampshire, which of course means that all of the traditional marriages in that state lost their sanctity as of midnight last night. All of the families headed by straight families in that state are now under an imminent threat. Parents will stop loving their children. Men will marry box turtles. Mass chaos.

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"Men will marry box turtles."

Now THAT is funny!

Posted by: Patrick | January 1, 2008 9:32 AM

Early wire service reports indicate that marriage sanctity took a hit in many other states as well, particularly across the South. In a surprising development, the sanctity of hunting and fishing licenses has been damaged as well. More as the story develops.

Posted by: kehrsam | January 1, 2008 9:43 AM

Dogs and cats living together....

Posted by: Laurel | January 1, 2008 9:44 AM

There is this cute little tortoise I've had my eye on...

What is the divorce rate, anyhow? I'm thinking that any imagined "sanctity" that was there was only in the imaginations of those offended by the civil unions.

Posted by: Richard | January 1, 2008 10:26 AM

A great little story about how these new Civil Unions affected one happy, heterosexual home...

http://www.irregulartimes.com/mymarriage.html

Posted by: Richard | January 1, 2008 10:30 AM

One of the most memorable moments of m own (hetero) wedding, was when one of m gay friends hugged me and said, "I want my wedding to be just like this."

Somehow that didn't diminish the happiness of either my wife or myself, and we're still together 16 years later.

My friend, alas, is still waiting.

Posted by: James Hanley | January 1, 2008 10:43 AM

Everyone knows that it's not as much fun to have a nice bicycle if the kid next door gets one, too. How can you enjoy something that everyone else also has?

Of course, that's the reasoning of selfish children. I guess we're still not beyond that, are we?

Posted by: Zeno | January 1, 2008 11:07 AM

What is the divorce rate, anyhow? I'm thinking that any imagined "sanctity" that was there was only in the imaginations of those offended by the civil unions.

Yeah really, if the evangelical fundamentalist preachers want to preserve the sanctity of marriage so much, then why don't they preach harder against divorce and then have affairs with their staff and dress up in scuba diving gear and prance about like dainty ballerinas all the time?

Oh wait...

Posted by: 386sx | January 1, 2008 11:25 AM

What is the divorce rate, anyhow?

The divorce rate in Texas is twice that in Massachusetts, despite the fact that the percentage of marriage age people in MA who are married is higher than in TX.

Guess which state allows for same sex marriage.

Posted by: raj | January 1, 2008 11:47 AM

That's ok, some months ago I found out my father had signed the anti gay marriage petition in Florida. That knowthyneighbor site is very interesting, but dad was the only hit on that one.

So I called him and asked how he could have the balls to sign that petition when he knows full well his only son is gay and in a fifteen year relationship. Called him a hypocrite and left it at that.

And so I talked to dad at Christmas and know what he told me? He's divorcing his wife. I asked if he saw the irony in that had to remind him about his defense of marriage petition. That was fun.

Posted by: Tony P | January 1, 2008 11:54 AM

Men will marry box turtles.

Well OK, but no snapping turtles. You've got to draw the line somewhere.

Posted by: Tegumai Bopsulai, FCD | January 1, 2008 12:14 PM

How can a place that gawdless and sinful be allowed to have such an influential presidential primary? Quick, to save America - call off the New Hampshire ball(ot)ing!

Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | January 1, 2008 1:04 PM

I had insufficient warning
When I stumbled out this morning
Past a half a dozen candidates, each stumping for my vote;
When I looked, the morning paper
Had a headline of some caper
Or the record-breaking snowfall--really, nothing there of note.

So I grabbed my trusty shovel
To plow out my "home sweet hovel"
When I noticed something different--something didn't quite feel right.
There was snow, and politicians,
But some change in the conditions
Made me wonder if my marriage had the sanctity it might.

So I checked the sanctitometer
And struggled not to vomit--her
"Conventional morality in danger" light was on!
Now a grim new dawn was breaking
And I couldn't stop my shaking
'Cos the morally upstanding world I trusted now was gone!

I considered seeking shelter
As I watched the helter-skelter
Of the politicians canvassing the noble Granite State;
I heard one of them disparage
Civil Unions, or Gay Marriage
As the reason for the panic--then I thought, more clearly, "wait!"

All this rattling of sabers
Is about my friends and neighbors;
These are people whom I know, and who have lived here all along
If these folks are who they're blaming
It's just pre-election gaming
And between the politicians and my friends, I know who's wrong.

If our morals are declining
As the candidates keep whining
I propose a different theory to explain why this is so:
An invasive mass of liars
With their speeches, signs, and flyers,
Slinging mud and kissing babies in a dog-and-pony show.

Soon the voting will be over
And the state, from Keene to Dover,
And from Lancaster to Nashua, will heave a weary sigh;
With the moral issue buried
Now my neighbors can get married
And the Granite State will mean it when it says "Live Free or Die!"

Full post here: http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2008/01/o-noes-teh-sanctity11.html

Posted by: Cuttlefish | January 1, 2008 1:20 PM

that explains all those frogs on the ground this morning....

Posted by: yoshi | January 1, 2008 1:59 PM

Yes, New Hampshire is doomed to any minute be swallowed up in fire and brimstone, just like Massachusetts was four years ago.

Fortunately, the civil union law in Oregon that was scheduled to take effect today was stayed by one of those horrible activist judges who're trying to undermine the sanctity of marriage.

Posted by: Skemono | January 1, 2008 2:25 PM

Never been prouder to be a resident of Massachusetts.

Glad to see our northerly neighbors joining us (at least part way).

I sometimes think that it would be easier if New England just secedes from the union. Imagine a progressive country. As long as we are able to bring NYC and northern NJ into the fold, we should still be able to hold enough international economic clout to be sustainable.

Posted by: mikeincambridge | January 1, 2008 2:49 PM

"...I sometimes think that it would be easier if New England just secedes from the union. Imagine a progressive country. As long as we are able to bring NYC and northern NJ into the fold, we should still be able to hold enough international economic clout to be sustainable."

Roger that, mikeincambridge. I see a problem, though. Since all of us in New England are Godless and unpatriotic, we don't stand a chance to raise an army. Not to mention that Cambridge is a nuclear free city.

Posted by: Chiefley | January 1, 2008 4:50 PM

Ed, I wish you a happy, prosperous & peaceful 2008. And don't forget to link to the Box Turtle Bulletin for the latest on man-box turtle matrimony.

Posted by: Liz D. | January 1, 2008 5:51 PM

I predict that at the next major unpleasant incident (school shooting, natural disaster, terrorist attack, anything along those lines) there will be one prominant Christian leader claiming that its God's punishment for legalising civil unions in another state.

That is, of course, not including Phelps. That would be cheating.

Posted by: Suricou Raven | January 1, 2008 6:43 PM

Yes, as an official spokeswomyn for the Gay Agenda, I'm happy to report that our master plan is one tiny state closer to nationwide penetration. As we destabilize straight families state by state, we deploy targeted troop surges to recruit their children. And also maybe their pets.

Posted by: Teresa | January 1, 2008 8:16 PM

Wow, I'm so relieved my grandparents are already dead -- otherwise the sanctity of their fifty-odd-year marriage would have vanished the minute the Massachusetts court made that decision, and they would have instantly started cheating on each other and smoking crack and blowing all their savings at the track...

Posted by: Raging Bee | January 1, 2008 10:08 PM

Civil Union? What a chuckle. There is nothing "civil" about homosexuality!

Posted by: Magnolia | January 2, 2008 9:04 AM

I just could not continue reading without posting as well. I have to laugh at the homophobes and the radical religious right. What's next? Those boxed turtles might want to cohabitate with a newt? GOD HELP US!

The religious right needs a focus and Gays have become their poster children. They are losing their grip in government and many of their most outspoken advocates are either being caught in airport restrooms or outted by the hustlers they have paid for. HIPOCRITICAL! Yeah I think so. The Maine Christion Civic League even sent a scout to NH yesterday to report back on the "civil unions" to make sure it does not creap across the border to Maine. HMMMM! Maybe we should build a fence to keet the "gay immigrants" out. This country has become so rediculious it is no wonder we are hated around the world and actually the laughing stock of many societies. I have to chuckle when Mr. Bush (I refuse to call him president, because he is not my president) made the statement during the Constitutional Amendment on Marriage, that "no civilized country would allow gay marriages...." Intersting that he thinks that England, Canada, South Africa, Amsterdam, etc. are uncivilized countries. Guess they were civilized (or maybe not) when he wanted help in his take-over in Iraq. OK! so here is your chance to pounce on my comments all you religious junkies, homophobes and Puritianistic Republicans.

Posted by: Amazed, Just Amazed...... | January 2, 2008 9:17 AM

I'm just going to restate that gay marriage doesn't harm marriage nor does divorce harm marriages.

What harms marriages is quite simply, well, bad marriages. It is incredibly foolish to think because a couple marries that they should be chained to each other for ever if they choose not to be so. It is equally foolish to think of this as 'harming marriage' or even a negative. Most of these people will marry again and enjoy much better marriages later.

To think that the every marriage is a blissful enterprise is fool's gold.

Posted by: GH | January 2, 2008 11:38 AM

Well OK, but no snapping turtles. You've got to draw the line somewhere.

My dad once held a branch to a snapping turtle to show me the power of it's jaws. I don't want my "twig" anywhere near a snapping turtle;-)

That is, of course, not including Phelps. That would be cheating.

Do not even include this homophobe cult-leader in your Christian lexicon. His so-called church is nothing but a bunch of his inbred family members who are brain washed by him. Do not drink the kool-aid they have to offer!

Oh yes, my fifteen year marriage still feels quite safe today; thank you!

Posted by: Rev. AJB | January 2, 2008 11:43 AM

ABC -

Raging Bee was obviously using sarcasm to make a point. That's plain in the text you decided not to copy.

Really Larry, is this the best you can come up with for a name......ABC?

Posted by: Dave S. | January 2, 2008 12:24 PM

No more sanctity in marriage? Hey, this is great! I get to feel wild and wicked without messing up my relationship with my adorable husband.

Posted by: hoary puccoon | January 2, 2008 7:21 PM

Civil unions. Hetero marriage. Divorce. Box turtles. WHO CARES? Let's talk about something really important.

WE GOTS SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!! EARLY SNOW! WOOT! This place rocks. Ski, snow shoe, snow mobiles, dog sleds, you name it, winter is here and it is fine fine fine.

And for those of you of the same sex proclivity, happy new year to you and I hope you enjoy with winter in your newly sanctified relationships; about damn time!

Posted by: Doug F | January 5, 2008 10:01 AM

"I sometimes think that it would be easier if New England just secedes from the union. Imagine a progressive country. As long as we are able to bring NYC and northern NJ into the fold, we should still be able to hold enough international economic clout to be sustainable."

Yes but think what would happen to the rest of the Union without you.

Without your taxes to help fund the subsidies paid to the midwest and southern states, taxes on the Pacific coast states would soar to keep the Red states in the fashion to which they've became accustomed.

They'd secede too, along with the Great Lakes states for similar reasons and you'd be left with a broke, pissed-off, religious fundamentalist far-right rump of states with nukes.

Posted by: Ian Gould | January 15, 2008 2:08 AM

Here in the Great White North same-sex marriage has been around long enough that it is not an issue any more. Lest anyone think that we are governed by a bunch of left-leaning, heathen liberals, our Prime Minister is some sort of born-again fundie. We are still awaitng the floods, fire and general pestilence.

Posted by: killinchy | January 15, 2008 12:17 PM