Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
Real ones. And they're going to turn you into a newt (hopefully not of the Gingrich variety). Yes, this is the latest Worldnutdaily "exclusive" published in their "elite" Whistleblower magazine. They're calling it a "dramatic, entertaining, but powerfully eye-opening and mind-boggling investigation." Or a big steaming pile of bullshit; take your pick.
When the day's news is about "witches," many Americans reflexively conjure up images of ugly, wicked hags from stories like "Snow White" and "The Wizard of Oz" - or more recently, the smiling "good witches" of Harry Potter books and films. But none of these fictional fantasies has anything to do with the real thing.The real thing - that is, the stunning phenomenon of more and more American housewives, students, professors, and even soldiers self-identifying as "witches" - is the topic of the January edition of WND's elite monthly Whistleblower magazine.
Oh, the witches are coming, the witches are coming! Thankfully, the Worldnutdaily is on the case and asking all the right questions:
What is witchcraft? Is it the same as Wicca? Is it a form of Satan worship, as critics allege? Or can witches be good? Can they really cast spells that somehow call forth the spirits beyond the world of nature to help them accomplish their will - whether good or evil? Is magic real? Why do witches often perform their ceremonies naked? And most of all, why do so many people today aspire to be witches?
They forgot the most obvious one, which I've wondered ever since I saw the wicked witch of the west die in the Wizard of Oz: if there was one substance that could not only kill you, but could make you vaporize into thin air, why would you leave a bucket of it just laying around your castle?
Wicca is an official, legal religion in the U.S., and a fast-growing one at that. Judges have ruled that witches must be allowed to lead prayers at local government meetings, and that Wiccan convicts must be provided with requested "sacred objects" so they can perform spells in their cells. Witches in the armed services have even formed covens and routinely "worship" on U.S. military bases.How did this happen - and why?
Okay son, sit down; it's about time we had this talk. When two people really love each other....oops, wrong talk. How did this happen? Well you see there's this whacky idea that our founding fathers had that all people had freedom of religion and could form religious groups and worship in the manner that their religion dictates - and here's the crazy part - even when the Worldnutdaily doesn't like it. That's how Wiccans ended up with the same right to practice their religion that you have. It's frustrating for you, I'm sure, but it's worked pretty well for 220 years now and we've kinda gotten used to the idea.
I wonder if Joseph Farah weighs more than a duck?
Comments
Well, one thing you can say for Farah: At least he's smarter than Sherri Shepherd.
Posted by: Wes | January 4, 2008 10:06 AM
I once watched a chatroom debate between a witch and a Wiccan. Evidently, they are not the same thing, as each proponent was eager to distance themselves from the other view, and explain the whys and wherefores to me (unfortunately, I forget the details.)
Perhaps the witch/Wiccan split partly answers the "How did this happen -- and why?" question from the Worldnutdaily -- if they're asking how and why there are so many witches today, and not just how and why the witches managed to get treated just like "real" religions.
There's no final, definitive, scientific way to resolve which religions are real, and managed to figure out God and the supernatural, and the others are fake. When it comes right down to it, matters of faith are going to reduce to culture, convenience, and personal choice -- what works in your life, and makes sense to you. They're all real if they're sincere.
The Christians who read the WND probably couldn't care less about possible distinctions between witches and wiccans, which apparently seems such a gulf to insiders and quibbling to outsiders. Kind of like the Christian/Pagan split does to me, I suppose.
Posted by: Sastra | January 4, 2008 10:19 AM
Why would anyone be surprised that superstitious people believe in witches with supernatural powers?
Posted by: soboco | January 4, 2008 10:47 AM
the January edition of WND's elite monthly Whistleblower magazine
Wait, I thought that right-wingers are always drawing up elitism as BAD? Why would they say that their "special" magazine is for elites then? I'm so confused...
Posted by: sinned34 | January 4, 2008 11:10 AM
Oh dear, I thought pagan and Wiccan and witches were all the same thing. Obviously I need to get myself some remedial education on the subject.
Posted by: JulaL | January 4, 2008 11:19 AM
I've found that for getting that really stubborn, ground-in dirt off the flagstones, you can't do better than pure sulfuric acid, so I always keep a bucket of it around. An insulated bucket.
Posted by: Dave M | January 4, 2008 11:23 AM
"I thought pagan and Wiccan and witches were all the same thing."
Well, as far as I know pagan is a broad term usually used to describe someone who isn't monotheistic. Wicca is to pagan what the Anglican Church is to christianity. It's a kind of pagan, not paganism in and of itself. I could be wrong, but that's how I've always understood it. It has been my experience that people who call themselves witches are usually.. well, teenagers who don't really care too much, they just want to shock people. That's not to say that there aren't serious people out there who call themselves witches, I just haven't met any so I can't really comment on them.
Posted by: jba | January 4, 2008 11:42 AM
"Elite", huh?
I assume that refers to the size of the typeface on the manual typewriters they use to churn out this stuff as they sit in their cave and try to hold the darkness at bay with the fire they started by striking two flints together.
Posted by: Elaine | January 4, 2008 12:02 PM
I wonder how many times I have clicked on a WorldNut link highlighted "Exclusive!" (translation: the linked story is so nuts no other media source will touch it - not even Drudge) only to find out the story in question is a lead-in for a sales pitch for one of Farah's goofball newsletters?
Posted by: CHV | January 4, 2008 12:08 PM
interesting that WND felt the need to put "sacred objects" in quotes and make it seem like Wiccans are getting special privileges in prison. Aren't Christian prisoners allowed to have bibles and crucifixes?
Posted by: mathyoo | January 4, 2008 12:21 PM
Ed,
She didn't vaporize. She melted, remember?
Wicked Witch: "I'm melting! I'm MELTING!"
Sorry. My daughter's favorite movie.
Posted by: Pineyman | January 4, 2008 12:24 PM
"...if there was one substance that could not only kill you, but could make you vaporize into thin air, why would you leave a bucket of it just laying around your castle?"
Ever heard of spring cleaning? Someone has to clean the castle. I think it was the deadly mixture of soap and water that did her in. My wife stays as far away from it as possible.
Posted by: Deepsix | January 4, 2008 12:45 PM
One of my favorite T-shirts says "Just so you know, Wicca is bullshit too." I don't wear it to Renaissance Faire staff meetings.
Posted by: Pieter B | January 4, 2008 1:09 PM
i thought only Jesus could do magic. Who knew?
Posted by: scott r | January 4, 2008 1:10 PM
Nope, Satan can too. And if witches can do magic, and that magic doesn't come from Jesus, well.....
Posted by: Gretchen | January 4, 2008 1:41 PM
My favorite quote:
That deserves to be taken as seriously as someone saying, "Is the earth really flat, as critics allege?"
Posted by: Mister DNA | January 4, 2008 2:19 PM
What's next a shocking expo of the death cult that is the modern "goth culture"? The disturbing trend of tattos and body-piercing among the young? Jesus, they think they've "uncovered" the rise of self-identified "witches"? Or that it is a shocking "new" trend? Do they ever leave their basements?
Wait, 'till they find out about the people that think they're vampires and start gathering their garlic, crosses, and holy water.
Posted by: tim quick | January 4, 2008 2:28 PM
Paganism and Wicca are different. There are many earth based Pagan religions. Wicca was created by a man named Gerald Gardner, who took his ideas from the old Pagan traditions and The Order of The Golden Dawn
Posted by: In The Know | January 4, 2008 2:54 PM
Wicca is a Pagan religion (one of several). Not all Pagan religions refer to themselves as "earth based".
Gerald Gardner took his ideas from The Order of the Golden Dawn, from the thesis of Dr. Margaret Murray, and other sources. There aren't a lot of "old Pagan traditions" that have been handed down from generation to generation.
Many witches do not consider themselves to be Wiccan. Some consider themselves to be both.
Confused yet? If not, there is even a difference between attitudes about what it means to be Wiccan and what Witchcraft is in the USA and in the UK.
For a scholarly look into this subject, check out Dr. Ronald Hutton's The Triumph of the Moon: A History of Modern Pagan Witchcraft, 2001 - ISBN 0-19-285449-6. He debunks most of the crap about long standing old pagan traditions and goes deeply into the history of Wicca.
Posted by: ScholarlyPagan | January 4, 2008 3:31 PM
An "official" religion? Isn't that a violation of the establishment clause?
A "legal" religion? Umm, just what religions are illegal in the U.S. anyway? Granted, some religious practices can be outlawed (Virgin sacrifice, and, according to the wises ones of the marble temple, smokin' peyote), but not the religion itself. So as there are no illegal religions, specifically classifying one as legal is to imply the existence of a category that doesn't really exist.
Of course this being the WND, I'm clearly putting too much thought into this critique--far more than they put into their article.
Posted by: James Hanley | January 4, 2008 6:22 PM
James -- I think that is probably the WND's awkward way of saying that Wicca has received a variety of legal recognitions in various court situations.
While your general points are accurate, it is also true that minority and alternative religions such as Wicca are often automatically denied many of the privileges granted Xtianity until a court somewhere specifically rules that those privileges are permitted.
And ScholarlyPagan and InTheKnow have got it dead to rights on the nomenclature, although comparing Wicca to the Anglican church is a trifle limiting - there being more brands of Wicca then Anglicanism.
Ed, did you and I ever talk paganism back in the good old EvC chat days? Pieter - love the t-shirt!
Posted by: PennyBright | January 4, 2008 6:37 PM
"comparing Wicca to the Anglican church is a trifle limiting - there being more brands of Wicca then Anglicanism"
Acutally I was comparing paganism to christianity. What I meant was Wicca is one type of paganism like Anglicanism is one type of christianity. I'm not very good at making myself clear... :)
Posted by: jba | January 4, 2008 7:27 PM
Anyone else notice the subtlety but still noticeabley sexed up hotty witch on the cover? At the risk of sounding like a comparative literature professor, its seems the anti-sex Christian fundy patriarchy at worldnutdaily still dabbles in the 15th century idea of conflating women's sexuality and pagan witchcraft.
Posted by: Josh3.0 | January 4, 2008 7:33 PM
In my experience, paganism, Wicca and witchcraft ARE very favorable toward/respectful of women's sexuality. That's one of the things that initially attracted me to it when I left Christianity behind.
Once I figured out that spellcasting had the exact same efficacy as prayer, I dropped Wicca, too.
Posted by: twincats | January 4, 2008 7:42 PM
I getcha, JBA - the analogy I usually use is that 'pagan' is like 'abrahamic' -- describes a broad group of faiths with a roughly similiar basis, and that Wicca is a little like Christianity -- both are large varied sets within their overarching general categories.
Posted by: PennyBright | January 4, 2008 8:04 PM
...its seems the anti-sex Christian fundy patriarchy at worldnutdaily still dabbles in the 15th century idea of conflating women's sexuality and pagan witchcraft.
That's because the witches/Wiccans/Pagans ourselves do it. We tend to be a LOT more accepting of sex, sexual desire, sexuality, and sexual expression and dialogue than WorldNutDaily's brand of "Christian." The wingnuts are probably hoping to both entice readers to read the article and terrify them with the sight of a woman who isn't ashamed of her body.
Posted by: Raging Bee | January 4, 2008 8:09 PM
I thought the Pagans was a motorcycle gang.
Posted by: mark | January 4, 2008 8:28 PM
PennyBright: The analogy I usually use is that Paganism is like UNIX, and Wicca is like Linux. Linux is a distinct operating system within the UNIX-like family, but there are lots of different distributions of it available and many people choose to roll their own version. Witchcraft meanwhile would be the GNU fileutils, which could be present on any Linux distribution or Unix-like operating system and are also technically available for unrelated operating systems such as Windows if you install the Cygwin distribution.
...I like tortured analogies
Posted by: Coin | January 4, 2008 8:30 PM
"Judges have ruled that witches must be allowed to lead prayers at local government meetings,..."
Didn't the courts actually rule against a witch in a case in Virginia where she wanted to lead the opening prayer at a Board of Supervisors meeting? Am I mistaken about the outcome of this case, or is the sentence I quoted above possibly referring to another lawsuit regarding the same issue?
Posted by: daniel rotter | January 4, 2008 8:54 PM
Land O' Goshen!! The witches is coming!!!Jedd, get my shotgun!
Dang, I'm too cross-eyed to aim the durn thing.
Hold my hand and help me put make a X in the box next to Mike Huckabee's name. Fust you gots ta show me which one's his name!
Can we bring our gun when we vote? You know there'a gonna be city folks all over the place!
Posted by: yogi-one | January 4, 2008 8:57 PM
"I wonder if Joseph Farah weighs more than a duck?"
I bet he's made out of wood.
Posted by: Moopheus | January 4, 2008 11:45 PM
Re Coin's explaination Pagan/Wicca
And you think WND types should get outta the cellar :D
Pagan was a 'country' roughly located in moden Burma during the 9th to 12th cent. CE. -DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | January 4, 2008 11:57 PM
And you think WND types should get outta the cellar :D
Actually, no, I don't! I really don't.
Posted by: Coin | January 5, 2008 1:32 AM
shit, Coin, I thought it was a very apt, tight analogy. i guess that's just us
Posted by: calumnu | January 5, 2008 7:32 AM
If Joseph Farah is made of wood that wood must be balsa.
For one, it would explain the weak shell that surrounds his fevered brain.
Posted by: CHV | January 5, 2008 7:01 PM
By legal, I think they mean 'judges have ruled its an actual religion.' The quick test of if a judge will recognise it is the only thing that stands between a single citizen and 'But my Asspullian religion requires I am permitted access to the Sacred Porn in jail!' or a similar excuse.
The main standard is number of believers: If one person believes it, its a delusion. If a hundred, its a cult. If ten thousand, it becomes a religion and thus protected.
Posted by: Suricou Raven | January 5, 2008 7:52 PM
calumnu -
It's not that it's not apt, it's just that it was also probably a violation of the geneva conventions. Thankfully we have the administration we do, or analogy might have a hey day in a war crimes tribunal. Because I think that one might have been beaten senseless and left in the gutter to bleed to death. Probably covered in maggots by the time it was found.
Hmm, torturing an analogy about tortured analogies, can it get any worse?
Posted by: DuWayne | January 5, 2008 10:11 PM
All I want to know is this -- Pieter, where can I get that t-shirt?
Posted by: Donna | January 7, 2008 12:36 PM