Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
That is the title of an article I wrote for Paul Krassner's The Realist around 1994 or so (he paid me for it but ended up not publishing it for some reason). I was reminded of that last night while watching a show on the History Channel about stand up comedy. During the show they had comics talking about their worst shows ever and it brought back many memories. If my 4 1/2 years doing comedy did nothing else, it left me with some really great storie, of which this is one...
This was actually one of the last shows I did as a comic. I had reached the point where I was really frustrated with the business, mostly as the result of having turned into the dreaded "comic's comic" without intending to do so. The better I got at comedy, the more I started putting in the kind of material I really wanted to do and then the worse I did with the audiences. And I was really considering just getting out when I got a phone call from a buddy named Terry.
I was living in Kalamazoo at the time and Terry calls and says he's coming to do a show in my hometown and they need a third comic for the bill. It was a one nighter and it was going to be at the Kalamazoo Country Club. Comedy at a country club? Yeah, he didn't get it either but he'd gotten a call from some booking agent that books comedy in country clubs and they'd scheduled this show. So I said yes. Little did I know how this would turn out.
So I show up that night, Terry is there and the third comic was a guy neither of us knew. I can't even remember his name. The crowd starts showing up and it was already not looking good. The average age was...deceased. It was just a sea of plaid sportcoats as far as the eye can see, and to make things much worse they didn't know they were there to see comedians.
Apparently this particular night of the week was usually ballroom dancing at the country club, so Arthur and Mildred showed up in their Sunday finest thinking they were gonna have a little big band music and hoping they could get out and do a little jitterbugging without breaking a hip. And they were not happy about this turn of events, to say the least. This was not starting off well.
We flip a coin for who has to go up first and guess who lost? Me. I decide right then and there that I'm gonna win these people over. I'm gonna do the tamest, most middle of the road material imaginable and I'm gonna make these people like me. Right. 4 or 5 minutes into my set, this room is like a morgue. They're staring at me like an oil painting and I looked at my watch and thought, "Hey, if you people aren't gonna have any fun, I might as well have some." So I gave a long pause, took a drink and said: "When will Bob Hope die?"
Loud gasp from the audience. After all, Bob Hope is a contemporary to them, and a hero.
"Seriously, he's not even a human being anymore he's like a cultural groundhog. We let him out of his cage once a year, put him on NBC for a couple hours, let him fondle Loni Anderson and then we shove him back down in his hole. Go away, Bob, we'll call you if there's a war."
At this point you could feel the air being sucked out of the room. The first few couples begin to get up and leave the room. And I start throwing gasoline on this fire; if we're going down, we are going down in flames that will be visible from the space shuttle. At one point I asked them if the country club provided valet parking for their high horses. It got really ugly.
By the time I finished my set half the room was cleared and I introduce Terry. Now Terry is a really nice guy and very...mainstream. Very clean act, very middle of the road...he even does a Jack Nicholson impression, for crying out loud. But after I'd spent 30 minutes dropping napalm on the room, he went up and, try as he might, died a thousand deaths. And then....things got weird.
The third comic, who as I said neither of us had ever met before, goes up on stage. And as it turns out, he was the filthiest comedian in the known universe. He made Redd Foxx look like Red Skelton. At one point, I swear to god, he actually did an impression of Bill Cosby being fucked in the ass. By this time, the whole thing had become so surreal that Terry and I had stepped out on to the back deck of the place and smoked a joint, which just made it 10 times funnier to us.
After the show ended, we sat there waiting to get paid and watched about half the club's membership stand in a single file line that must have been 200 feet long, waiting to scream at the club manager. And we could not stop laughing. The only thing that could have made that night any more bizarre is if someone had actually had a heart attack during the show.
But there's a postscript to the story: a few years later I was back at the Kalamazoo Country Club for a wedding. One of my dearest friends from high school was getting married there. I went up to the bar to get a drink and the bartender says, "I recognize you. You were one of the comedians they had here a few years ago." I laughed and said yes. And he told me that the manager of the place had been fired over the whole thing. And I got free drinks the rest of the night.
Comments
This is a great story. If there is a moral to it, I should think it is that a comedian should have an inventory of offensive jokes to fit any demographic. If you had cracked on old folks in general instead of going after Hope (holy of holies), maybe they would have warmed up to you. Maybe not, but who cares?
You did the right thing. If you can't make them laugh, make them mad. Audiences deserve to be moved in some way.
Posted by: Rob | February 22, 2008 10:05 AM
Yes that story is hilarious. Thank God we got rid of that old fogie culture where we had public values and there were actually some things that were simply not said in public.
We are so much better off now since there is nothing that cannot be said. It means we are truly free. Everything is relative and nothing can be assigned as good or evil.
So we are now in the middle east committing a holocaust. So what? IN the olden times we had values about these things but today our culture is different. For instance: How much sleep have you lost over the idea that we now support ethnic states even tho the "good war" was fought to destroy an Aryan one?
The coolest people around are the ones who exclaim "Jesus fucking Christ". There is no shock value any longer but still its just really cool. There was a time when we didn't use God's name in vain but today its no biggy.
Its just funny how our culture is always under attack but we mustn't disrespect Jews or their culture. We are expected to bankrupt ourselves and spill our children's blood for their country and we are not allowed to oppose it or we get called anti-semitic.
Now get this. Anti-semitism has not only not lost its evil connotations but has actually grown in disrepute. Culture is a funny thing isn't it.
Congrats on being really funny Ed. Its always good to laugh at someone else's expense and theres nothing funnier than a bunch of hapless WASPs at one of their Country Clubs which excluded Jews. What fools they were.
I'd love to see some WASP comics play a Jewish club in Isarel. As long as it wasn't bombed by an evil terrorist of course. The only thing worse than Creationists are the terrorists.
Posted by: Barbara | February 22, 2008 10:11 AM
Funny how we are suddenly plagued with both.
Posted by: Barbara | February 22, 2008 10:12 AM
Jeez, obsess much, Barbara? The words "Christian" and "Jew" did not even occur in Ed's post. Do you see them floating in front of your face when you close your eyes?
Posted by: Squiddhartha | February 22, 2008 10:15 AM
Jesus Tapdancin' Christ, Ed. No wonder you left comedy. The groupies are just plain weird.
Posted by: carlsonjok | February 22, 2008 10:16 AM
I think Gilbert Godfried does the same thing, if he senses a crowd just isn't getting it, he unloads with both barrels and goes absolutely obscene, opting to gross them out if they won't laugh.
And Barbara -- wow. Seriously, you need help.
Posted by: Jeff Hebert | February 22, 2008 10:22 AM
I presume a comic's comic is one only other comics think is funny?
Sorry, Ed, but I figure you owe those folks an apology. They didn't do anything, really, but show up for a mis-advertised club event, and not particularly care for your humor. Throw in what seems to have been your contempt for them before you trotted out your opening joke... you think audiences can't pick up on things like that?... and I'd say the results were inevitable and equally the fault of the club manager/booker and you. Not the audience. You stepped out to perform for an audience for which you had, going in, nothing but contempt, and you bombed and retaliated by deliberately alienating them further. And you think it was funny?
Love your blog, Ed, but your decision to give up the stage was the right one, I think.
Posted by: flatlander100 | February 22, 2008 10:24 AM
So... "Everything is relative and nothing can be assigned as good or evil?" This is what you conclude from Ed's funny story? Wow. Jesus fucking Christ, Barbara!
Posted by: C. elegans | February 22, 2008 10:29 AM
Re Barbara
Ms. Barbara, the blogs' resident antisemitic troll, continues to babble on. Apparently, Ms. Barbara has concluded that the US is in Iraq in support of Israel. This, of course, is a load of crap.
1. In the first place, according to a former adviser to former Secretary of State Powell, Mr. Wilkerson, the Government of Israel advised the US Government prior to the Iraq adventure that, in their opinion, an invasion of Iraq to overthrow Saddam Hussein would be a mistake.
2. The main reason that the US embarked on the Iraq adventure was oil. Iraq has the worlds' second largest proven reserves of oil. In fact, she seems to have forgotten why Saddam Hussein got on the US shit list in the first place. Remember his invasion of Kuwait in 1990 Ms. Barbara?
Ms. Barbara also objects to people being less then respectful to Joshua of Nazareth, ignoring her own disrespect toward him by denigrating the ethnic group to which he belonged.
Posted by: SLC | February 22, 2008 10:33 AM
Bless your hearts. Do you think Ed talked about his antics as a comic in order that you could decide whether his skit was funny or vulgar or to endear himself to you by becoming vunerable and having you laugh at his expense?
Actually he was expressing how comics have played a role in influencing changes in our culture. It is no accident that the venue was a WASP country club. Really. Must I explain everything and repeat myself. Are you truly that dense?
This blog is about CULTURAL WARS.
There was a time when we didn't cuss in public or use God's name in vain. Our culture has changed. Duh. Get it?
Repeat. Cultural wars have to involve people of difference within said culture. For instance. The majority Christians and the minority Jews. Duh.
SLC
1. Is this the same Colin Powell who lied his head off before the UN Security Council.
2. Clinton had an embargo, killed 500,000 Iraqi children and shot down any plane flying in the no fly zone. We already controlled Iraq's oil.
3. Furthermore the foundation of the US economy was petro dollars. The zionists in our government provoked two of the oil rich nations in the world to switch to selling oil in Euros because of the mucking terrorist engine of the world the podunk state of Israsel and the damned Jewish Zionists who stole our White House.
That changed our culture a little bit. A government of Jewish Zionists as opposed to a WASP government. duh. At least the ruling class WASPs had a connection to the people they ruled and believed in nobless oblige. The same cannot be said of the ruling class Zionists or else we would not logically be talking about culture wars now would we.
The Arabs needed to sell their oil and we needed to buy it and there was no reason for us to be at odds. Bush's father and the rest of his family are perfect examples of how the Arabs were always willing to do business with us and the Bretton Woods agreement is evidence of how the rest of the world would concede to America's leadership without resorting to any violence.
In addition if we went into Iraq for the oil there would be no reason for our leaders to lie to us about it.
If we went to Iraq for the oil then why doesn't this blog address the scientific reasons why global warming is a bigger threat to us then attacking Christians in the ongoing culture wars agaisnt American traditions and religion.
Posted by: Barbara | February 22, 2008 10:52 AM
Comedy, like music, sounds like it would be fun to do, but I'd hate to try and make a living at it.
Posted by: Jon Rowe | February 22, 2008 10:56 AM
If you are trying to convince us that a comic bombing in front of a room of geezers is somehow part and parcel of the Zionist takeover of the US government, I guess I have to respond that, yes, I am dense.
Posted by: carlsonjok | February 22, 2008 11:00 AM
flatlander said:
I think you missed the point. It's not that Ed and the other comics felt disrespectful about these people; it's that they knew that their act would have absolutely zero appeal to them, and therefore the whole evening was just a disaster waiting to happen. And as the disaster happened, they could do nothing but laugh at the ridiculousness of of it. Imagine being a stripper who was asked to perform for a crowd of Amish folks who thought they were going to have a barn dance.
BTW: Barbara, please go away. Please. Just go.
Posted by: Gretchen | February 22, 2008 11:07 AM
This is just fantastic.
Great story, Ed.
Posted by: Chris Berez | February 22, 2008 11:08 AM
Re Barbara
Ms. Barbaras' antisemitic rants, in which she shows her contempt for Joshua of Nazareth, are really becoming tiresome. So Mr. Wilkerson was lying about the advice the administration got from the Israeli government. Prove it.
Ms. Barbara seems obsessed by the notion that the USA is a WASP country. Although founding fathers like Jefferson, Washington, Adams, Franklin, and Madison were certainly WAS, they were most assuredly were not P. None of then accepted Joshua of Nazareth as the son of god and all ejected the concept of the trinity. By the way, does Ms. Barbara claim that Joshua of Nazareth was a WASP?
Posted by: SLC | February 22, 2008 11:27 AM
Oh, to some extent I agree with flatlander. What I did was certainly rude and offensive and it really wasn't the fault of the audience. The situation was going to be a disaster no matter what - this audience wasn't gonna laugh at anything we had to say, they weren't there for comedy. But as Gretchen says, the humor in the whole thing is in just how completely surreal it became as it went along. But let's not take this too seriously, either. No one got hurt, it was just a bizarre evening that makes for an amusing story.
Posted by: Ed Brayton | February 22, 2008 12:04 PM
This story just cracks me up every time I hear it, Ed. You've told it to me in person and its even funnier, but I still laugh my ass off just reading parts of it.
Posted by: Dan | February 22, 2008 12:12 PM
2. Clinton had an embargo, killed 500,000 Iraqi children and shot down any plane flying in the no fly zone. We already controlled Iraq's oil.
Actually it was a United Nations embargo that began in August of 1990. The food for oil provision was passed by the UN in 1995. It wasn't the Bush/Clinton/Bush embargo, it was a United Nations embargo. The death toll is a combination of the embargo, the first Gulf War, and the second Gulf War.
Posted by: dogmeatib | February 22, 2008 12:53 PM
Hey Ed, remember when you tried to have a get-together at a resort in Michigan, or something like that? Have you thought of doing that again? I'm moving to the Midwest and I have a little more money now, so it might actually be feasible for me.
Posted by: Brandon | February 22, 2008 2:22 PM
flatlander: If the act is failing, you try a different act. This one turned into performance art with the audience as unwilling participants, and it sounds to me that it carried off brilliantly.
barbara: Ed was not showing contempt for country-clubbing old white folk, he was responding to the situation he was placed in. If it had been a bunch of trailer trash half drunk on Lysol he would have riffed about getting brought up on abuse and neglect charges by Social Services, or visiting the drunk tank on Saturday night. Nothing personal was involved.
Posted by: kehrsam | February 22, 2008 2:39 PM
Ah, the downside of not wanting to censor anyone ... trolls abound.
Posted by: Andrea | February 22, 2008 2:51 PM
Funny story, I enjoyed it.
New troll Barbara must be new to teh blogz; she doesn't seem to get that EVERY post doesn't have to be "on topic" all the time.
That's what tags are for, honey, read 'em.
Posted by: twincats | February 22, 2008 3:22 PM
Ed, this reminds me of the time I worked as a server/bartender in a BBQ joint/night club/tourist trap.
We used to get "banquets" of tour groups rolling through. The banquet menu consisted of pork ribs, fried catfish or pulled pork sandwiches. When a banquet was set up, the orders were all placed in advance so that we could prep, seat and turn as quickly as possible. Due to regional differences in interpreting what constitutes BBQ, often the groups had no idea what they had actually ordered.
One of the groups that came through was of similar composition except they were all clearly orthodox jews on their way to Branson. The unfortunate miscommunication had happened with regard to what our BBQ was and the entire tour group apparently ordered pulled pork sandwiches. I vividly remember the confused chorus of "Is this pork, I can't eat pork" that ensued.
The banquet was pretty much a wash at that point and the entire ensemble eventually and very unhappily loaded back on the buses to presumably stop by the nearest McD. Nothing more frustrating for a server, line or manager than two hundred orders sent back to the kitchen simultaneously.
Posted by: James Taylor | February 22, 2008 3:46 PM
I had a similiar situation , Back when i played in bands. we were booked at one of the local parks as part of a Summer music program. of course being the 80`s we played alot of the Hair band music. and this just happened to be the same time. a bunch of old people had planned some group meeting at the park. well half way through our first set and not one person responding or within 25 yrs of our age (besides our girlfriends) so anytime the lyrics called for the word love came up our singer replaced it with "Anal Sex". we all got a laugh out of it.
another thing i use to detest was when i played in a band that did all orginal material. was you would always get a group of asshats who would scream out they wanted to hear some song by another band.
Posted by: VicVanity | February 22, 2008 3:48 PM
Freeeeee Birrrrrrrrrrd!
Posted by: NJ | February 22, 2008 5:40 PM
Ed, what's your troll policy? I know you've banned at least one person. How about a mentally deranged anti-semite?
I so want to respond to her, but I just don't think it's fair.
Posted by: James Hanley | February 22, 2008 6:11 PM
My troll policy is that I let them stick around until I get tired of their schtick. She's gone.
Posted by: Ed Brayton | February 22, 2008 6:50 PM
The other deranged holocaust denier (Larry Fafarman) was banned, but only after the regrettable occurrence of many, many stupid posts, I'm afraid.
Maybe this one will just go away of its own accord, but I wouldn't expect a ban anytime soon. So go ahead and respond. It's good to get those things off your chest. Holding it in will only hurt you, James.
Also, I have popcorn.
Posted by: Leni | February 22, 2008 7:01 PM
funny story.
Speaking of bad gigs, comedian Rick Reynolds tells an even more outrageous story of a bad audience.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=m3kjNwwrieM
Posted by: Alan | February 22, 2008 8:38 PM
"By the way, does Ms. Barbara claim that Joshua of Nazareth was a WASP?"
Ouch, that's gotta sting.
OH SNAP! That was so funny. I should be a stand-up comic.
Posted by: Tyler DiPietro | February 22, 2008 8:51 PM
That Rick Reynolds story of the prison gig is hilarious. And seeing him and David Feldman on one show would almost be worth going to prison for. Both are hilarious.
Posted by: Ed Brayton | February 22, 2008 10:17 PM
That's ok, I've got a dog to kick (just kidding!). And I'm trying to keep up with Dingo Jack in drinking--apparently I'm a few beers behind, but I'll feel better when I catch up.
Seriously, though, I don't pick on the mentally unbalanced, which I think Barbara is. I save my efforts for those who are sane but stupid.
Posted by: James Hanley | February 22, 2008 10:26 PM
I don't know; I think the interspersing of the "Barbara" related posts with the other stuff provides a wonderful real-world example of how hard comedy is to do. It's, what, cognitive dissonance or something; I scroll down the posts and find myself thinking, "what? What? WHAT? What? Who would think -- wait, WHAT?" And after a while, I have to laugh.
It's deep, maybe, but it's comedy.
Posted by: Josh Hayes | February 23, 2008 2:10 AM
James - make mine red wine (cask).
Concerning Babtroll - give it enough rope...
Cheers - DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | February 23, 2008 8:30 AM
And that's why I *love* standup...
Brilliant. Oh, to have been the one guy in the back cackling his ass off...
Posted by: Heretic | February 25, 2008 4:24 AM
Hmmm... I must be missing something. But for the life of me, I can't see what's remotely funny in this Bob Hope sketch. I really don't get this "death wish for laughs" thing (or perhaps the funny idea was to use it in front of an audience of old people?), and I hardly even know who Bob Hope is. I never saw a single movie of his, even on TV, and the thing I know that's most closely related to him must be "White Christmas" (by Bing Crosby). Actually, I would have thought he's been dead for ages. So, thanks, today I learned one absolutely useless thing. But it has nothing to do with the art of comedy. Ed, I think you did a wise career choice when you switched to serious stuff, for which you seem to be more talented.
Or maybe I'm simply alien to this "standup comedy" thing. Must be cultural.
Posted by: Christophe Thill | February 25, 2008 7:14 AM
Hmm, do you suppose the latter part just might have something to do with the former?
Posted by: Gretchen | February 25, 2008 8:48 AM
Was the third comic Joe Yanetti, by chance?
Posted by: Jim Lippard | February 28, 2008 11:56 AM
Correction, it's spelled Joe Yannetty, a comic from Boston.
Posted by: Jim Lippard | February 28, 2008 12:12 PM
If my 4 1/2 years doing comedy ...
Doing what to it, making it not funny?
I kid, Ed! You killed.
Posted by: Chris Treborn | March 12, 2008 12:43 PM