Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
At the risk of sounding like Andy Rooney, I have to tell this story. So I'm in a restaurant the other day, waiting behind two women at the hostess stand to get seated. The hostess comes and one of the women asks her if they do anything special for someone's birthday. The hostess says they all come out and sing and give them a cake. The woman says it's her friend's birthday. The hostess seats them and comes back to me. And I said to her, "If anyone ever came out and sang to me in a restaurant on my birthday, someone is getting stabbed with a steak knife."
I can't be alone in this, can I? Those idiotic little spectacles are such an affront to one's dignity. It's just one of my many pet peeves. I think of it the same way I think of those infernal audience participation songs at wedding receptions - if you think I'm gonna take part in it, you are in for a rude awakening. It isn't gonna happen, and if you try and force it on me there may be blood spilled.
And can you imagine working in a restaurant that required the workers to do that? Jesus, I think I'd rather starve to death. I've seen it happen and I always feel bad for the one or two workers standing in the back looking embarrassed about the whole thing. But it's the ones who are really being enthusiastic about it that deserve the steak knife. Those are the apple polishers, the smarmy little suckups just dying to be made second assistant head waiter in charge of nothing.
It all reminds me of the movie Office Space and the pieces of flair. They don't show it in a scene, but you just know that the restaurant that Jennifer Aniston worked at had the waiters and waitresses do that. And you know that the enthusiastic little prick she worked with sang the loudest. Not only did the Nazis have pieces of flair they made the Jews wear, they probably clapped and sang "happy happy happy birthday" to them on the way into the showers.
Yes, there's a reason why my email username is StCynic.
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The most humiliating spectacle is when the birthday victim is forced to don a giant dingle ball festooned sombrero while the irritated employees sing "Felice Compleanos" while clapping to make sure that everyone in the restaurant is watching.
Posted by: Lance | June 2, 2008 9:49 AM
When my wife & I got married, we established two absolute deal-breakers:
1. No adultery.
2. No singing Happy Birthday in restaurants, with or without waiters.
So no, Ed, it's not just you.
(I'm happy to say we're still 2 for 2 on these pledges.)
Posted by: WScott | June 2, 2008 9:52 AM
The Stupidity of Dignity
Posted by: Jemmy Button | June 2, 2008 9:53 AM
A brother. At last, i'm not actually alone with this. I can't sing, and hate trying as well. That is also one of the primary resons why i hate large family gatherings and don't go to weddings.
And don't even get me started on christmas...
Posted by: Casper | June 2, 2008 9:54 AM
I did this to my wife once. She still threatens to get me back. My birthday was just a couple weeks ago, and I had to keep insisting that she not bring the waiters over to sing to me. So one of my daughters got our waiter to bring over a bread roll covered with whipped cream and 1 candle, and they sang to me. Little brats.
By the way, greetings from Syria. So far, I haven't seen this behavior in any of the restaurants in Damascus. Let's hope that's one American custom that doesn't spread.
Posted by: James Hanley | June 2, 2008 10:10 AM
And yet many people seem to like it. I'm 100% in agreement with you and the commentators so far, especially Casper, but I don't think our side is winning. Live and let live, I guess.
(Not a suck-up, I hope, just haven't found anything that is worth disagreeing with you about lately.)
Posted by: JimV | June 2, 2008 10:16 AM
I am not sure what THIS means, but I flashed to Office Space and flair before I read it later in your post...
Until I hear the actual science of this (unconsciously read ahead etc) , I am going with "Great Minds Think Alike".*
* Although to cloud the issue further, I am STILL a Type A Atheist.
Posted by: J-Dog | June 2, 2008 10:19 AM
My sister-in-law is a manager of one of those restaurants and fits the stereotype of the enthusiastic little prick of a manager. Unfortunately this means that every family event is in this stupid restaurant. I usually just order the salad and a half of dozen whiskey's to make it through the time.
Posted by: yoshi | June 2, 2008 10:25 AM
J-Dog - "Fools never differ" [Trad.} - ;) DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 2, 2008 10:30 AM
I guess it all depends whether a person minds been the centre of attention under somewhat silly circumstances. Personally I could do without it. But if it happened it is hardly the end of the world.
Posted by: Cheddar | June 2, 2008 10:32 AM
My family is highly umusical, we don't inflict suffering on other innocent diners, only on each other! -DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 2, 2008 10:34 AM
Thank you! I have been subjected to this torment twice; once by my best friend and once by my husband, both times in a venue where they not only sing and clap, they bring out a drum to make sure everyone in the place notices you. The best friend and I "grew apart" soon after and the husband is location unknown and good riddance. People who perpetrate this crap on friends and family should be sporked to death.
Posted by: invisible dragon | June 2, 2008 10:39 AM
I do like when you get a free dessert out of the deal, especially since those things often cost as much as the meal at those kind of places. I'm willing to let some employees humiliate themselves for some free ice cream.
Posted by: Eric | June 2, 2008 10:47 AM
I don't really mind it that much, as long as it's close friends doing it in a spirit of fun. It's a little embarrassing, mostly silly, and quickly forgotten in itself. And what's a little dignity after the third beer anyway?
Besides (speaking of beer), I'm a morris dancer, so if a bunch of waiters singing "Happy Birthday" is the worst affront my dignity suffers at one event, I'd call that a rather boring evening.
What bothers me more, is the "forced socialization" of office parties for whatever occasion. Don't ask me why, but even in the best work environments, I never feel comfortable at those things, even when they're serving something other than ice-cream-cake that half the participants can't eat because of their diets. You have your pet peeve, I have mine...
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 2, 2008 10:56 AM
Just what degree of "spork-age" did you have in mind?
http://xkcd.com/419/
Posted by: wk | June 2, 2008 10:57 AM
Rage Bee - Do you go into the kitchen and give the staff an impromptu Moris Dance? (Just wondering..specially after those couple of beers).
Yep, I was practically sent to Coventry when I refused to go to a staff picnic. I told them: "doing so would be unprofessional, since it would devolve our business relationship into merely a personal one". After that even the managers were secratly impressed, and I sensed everyone else wished they had thought of saying that. :) -DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 2, 2008 11:03 AM
Yes! Hell yes. You can usually see a couple of the staff hanging around at the back clapping in a half-hearted way and mumbling along as if they're being forced to serve up toxic waste. Coldstone Creamery is even worse - if you tip the staff, they are obliged to sing you a song. I boycott them, as I have no wish to have my ice cream served with a side of employee humiliation.
Posted by: Owen | June 2, 2008 11:10 AM
As far as I'm concerned, my birthday is the most important day of the year. It's a celebration of me, the most important person in the world (at least from my perspective). If my friends want to honor me this way, I'm okay with it. If outside observers think I look foolish or have their meal interrupted for a moment, I'm okay with that.
I suppose I would be a little insulted if the only way I was being honored was through a silly ditty being sung badly by a bunch of strangers. Kind of damning with faint praise. But as part of a larger celebration of me, go right ahead. It's just a bit of silly fun.
Posted by: Abby Normal | June 2, 2008 11:15 AM
Owen:
I believe you can explicitly ask the Coldstone staff not to sing.
Posted by: wk | June 2, 2008 11:16 AM
For a very short period in my life I was a waiter at Olive Garden. This was nearly twenty years ago (and they still haven't gone out of business - amazing!), so the policy may be different, but not only did we sing a song, we sang the special Olive Garden Birthday Song. Which somebody must have written, but that's another issue. The second most humiliating aspect, other than actually coming out and singing the song, was the process of corralling other waiters to participate. Along the lines of recruiting people for public confession of one's sins or something. I am so glad I got a good education!
Posted by: Theron | June 2, 2008 11:20 AM
They better give Ed plastic ware at Ellen's Stardust Diner.
Posted by: Art | June 2, 2008 11:24 AM
That Walt Whitman, what a narcissist! ;) -DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 2, 2008 11:28 AM
There used to be certain large ice cream parlor in Grand Rapids (I think it was near the main mall at the time) that got a lot of birthday business. For the occasion, the menu featured a special oversized banana split/sundae-ish thingie transported by rolling cart with bells and sirens going off as it was pulled by however many (2, 3, 4?) personnel dressed in 1920s striped uniforms and straw hats singing with hyped-up enthusiasm. This would happen every five minutes or so when the place was full.
I wasn't very comfortable as a youngster even being there, but Dad liked it and we went several times. I never subjected to that ritual, thankfully.
Posted by: countlurkula | June 2, 2008 11:38 AM
Some people need to lighten up. I think that embarassment and goofiness and ridiculous performances are good once in a while. Just as fear and sorrow and anger and all sorts of usually negative emotions are healthy from time to time, even if only exercised whilst watching a film, embarassment can be good. Otherwise people start taking themselves too seriously.
Posted by: Tim | June 2, 2008 11:44 AM
> not only did we sing a song, we sang the special Olive Garden
> Birthday Song. Which somebody must have written
The song "Happy Birthday" is under copyright until 2030, held by Warner Chapell according to Wikipedia, which (I've been told, and it makes sense) is why restaurant personnel avoid singing it.
Posted by: countlurkula | June 2, 2008 11:48 AM
A morris dance in the kitchen? Hell no -- the floors are too slippery, there's no room for the figures we do, and no one would hear the clashing of sticks over the kitchen noise anyway; and besides, the management would only kick us out and we'd lose that venue forever. Better to have the cooks come out of the kitchen, and enjoy our fifth-rate entertainment -- oops, I mean keeping Merrie Englishe Culture alive(e), of course -- outside the stifling heat of the kitchen.
On the subject of birthday-singing, the worst examples I remember were from a now-thankfully-defunct chain called (IIRC) Lums; but it wasn't JUST the birthday-singing, it was their overall policy of banging certain drums or gongs and making certain other prescribed obnoxious noises every time a customer ordered certain items. And of course, the birthday celebration therefore had to be EVEN MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN THE STANDARD NOISE! I went there once as a kid, and the noise was so horrid, and so continuous, that I simply couldn't relax enough to have any appetite for anything.
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 2, 2008 11:56 AM
Besides, if a wide-hay takes half of us into a freezer, and if the staff conspire to close the door behind us, my team might have to rename itself Jimmy Hoffa Morris. Who wants to give the critics that much power over us?
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 2, 2008 12:01 PM
Am I going to regret asking what a Morris dance is?
Posted by: Ed Brayton | June 2, 2008 12:04 PM
My favourite birthday restaurant locally is one where they give you $15 off your entree on your birthday with no fuss. They get a lot of birthday business from my wife and I.
Posted by: Penn | June 2, 2008 12:05 PM
Ed - I'll let the expert explain that one*
Penn - You & your wife have muliple birthdays?? :) -DJ
*Oh all right. It's a tradional English peasant dance that has it origins (I believe) in fertility rites. Hence the bloody big pole (if you get my drift. Nudge, nudge wink, wink. SAY NO MORE!)
Posted by: DingoJack | June 2, 2008 12:18 PM
Re: Morris Dancing
A quick youtube search yields:
Morris Dancing in Oxford.
Posted by: wk | June 2, 2008 12:20 PM
I was sure you were going to say you were charged with making a terroristic threat.
Posted by: ray | June 2, 2008 12:23 PM
I try and avoid restaurants that offer that "service". That doesn't mean I have been or will never go. Typically I avoid them like the plague because most of them, in my experience, are of the chain variety.
And I especially would never go there on my or anyone I knows birthday for the risk of that exact situation that may require me to smash something heavy over someone's head, including the person I am with that requested it.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 2, 2008 12:24 PM
While I find it irritating when there are multiple birthday "celebrations" during one of my meals in a family-style restaurant where these interruptions are to be expected, I've never much cared one way or the other about it. I'd prefer not to be so serenaded, but I'd mostly just roll my eyes and endure it without undue suffering.
But this may all be an indication that I'm unregenerately evil. After all, I once told a friend on his birthday that he was required to stand on top of the table while the restaurant's servers sang to him. And he did it. Poor schmuck.
Posted by: Zeno | June 2, 2008 12:41 PM
I think you need to lighten up.
On the other hand, I DO find it annoying when there is a steady stream of celebratory singing at surrounding tables while I'm trying to carry on conversation at dinner.
Posted by: Jeff | June 2, 2008 12:48 PM
Morris dancing is a traditional English form of folk-dancing, normally involving "sides" (formations) of four to eight dancers, normally six. Towns tend to have teams of locals, who dance both at home (lots of church-run festivities) and at events elsewhere (which are called "ales" when the primary focus of the event is morris dancing). Morris teams used to be mostly male, with women's and mixed sides becoming more prevalent since the 20th century (which may, or may not, be a consequence of men's teams being depleted by WW-I and WW-II). Many morris teams used to consist of workingmen dancing for extra income, which of course they promptly spent on food and drink and more drink.
Morris dancing is documented back to the 1500s, and probably existed long before that; but any stories of its "origins" is pure speculation, including the allegation that "morris" is derived from "Moorish" and the dances (many of which look like stylized sword-combat) were invented to celebrate Christian victories against the Moors. (I once saw TV footage of what looked like "kung-fu morris" from the Carribean (Haiti?), which was said to be done to celebrate their forefathers' struggle against slave-traders.)
As for the "fertility rites from pre-Roman Pagan Europe" story, that, again, is pure speculation, and probably a complete load of bollocks, though an amusing load of bollocks, especially for Pagans. IF it gets us a gig, we'll half-seriously pretend it's "true."
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 2, 2008 12:56 PM
May I add another to the list of offences against dignity and good sense?
I absolutely hate it when a complete stranger attempts to pronounce my name (at the bank, in a grocery store, etc.). It is quite possible to give friendly service, and even make the customer think you give a damn about their sad, pathetic existence, without being rude and invasive.
Somehow these public relations geniuses need to be straightened out. They believe idiotic truisms and respond to others who think likewise.
Posted by: BaldApe | June 2, 2008 1:02 PM
Ed, Ed, Ed... You've got this totally wrong.
It is not anyone's birthday. This is just a bad thing you do to someone you don't like or to a friend you want to embarrass.
Do you not realize that now that you've written this post, this ... this birthday singing thing ... is GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU!!! Soon, I suspect.
Posted by: Greg Laden | June 2, 2008 1:06 PM
countlurkula wrote: "There used to be certain large ice cream parlor in Grand Rapids (I think it was near the main mall at the time) that got a lot of birthday business. For the occasion, the menu featured a special oversized banana split/sundae-ish thingie transported by rolling cart with bells and sirens going off as it was pulled by however many (2, 3, 4?) personnel dressed in 1920s striped uniforms and straw hats singing with hyped-up enthusiasm."
This sounds like Farrell's, an ice cream parlor chain that also forced everyone to exit through its candy shop and was a popular place for children's birthdays in Phoenix in the 1970s. The giant bowl of ice cream which was carried around the restaurant in a stretcher prior to delivery to a party of children was known as the "Zoo," because the ice cream also included numerous small plastic animals suitable for choking on. They had some other large item known as a pig trough (?) which didn't come with the stretcher-and-siren delivery.
Posted by: Jim Lippard | June 2, 2008 1:16 PM
Looks like Farrell's is back:
http://www.farrellsusa.com/story.html
Posted by: Jim Lippard | June 2, 2008 1:19 PM
Ah Morris Dancing! After seeing European Vacation, I won't be able to watch it without thinking of Chevy head butting a guy. Only funny part of that movie.
Posted by: Geoff | June 2, 2008 1:38 PM
"And can you imagine working in a restaurant that required the workers to do that?"
I don't have to imagine. I did work in restaurant and a few times this came up. I made sure I was conveniently "too busy" to participate. The manager noticed this and one time said I had to sing happy birthday. I did not sing. This angered the management, but they really couldn't do anything about it.
The only reason that I might have done it was to help the server make a better tip, but I wasn't going to sacrifice what little dignity I had for a better tip.
Posted by: Joseph O'Sullivan | June 2, 2008 1:42 PM
Geoff - LOL, but not Morris Dancing, some kind of kooky pseudo-Germanic thing at Oktoberfest, as I recall. But good call anyway! -DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 2, 2008 1:42 PM
Ed, I am in total accord with you, though my ire would be reserved more for whoever put them up to inflicting the torture rather than for the wage-slaves themselves. I had such an incident in childhood that practically traumatized me.
For my 10th birthday, my parents got the waitstaff at the restaurant to bring out a cake and sing "Happy Birthday." I was shrinking into my chair in mortification, but when they got to the third line of the song, "Happy birthday, dear Bobby," I was jolted into indignation as well (my name being quite definitely NOT Bobby, regardless of "Happy Birthday, Bobby" being repeated in blue icing on the cake as well).
Apparently, whoever was supposed to coordinate this did not write down the birthday boy's name, and only remembered that it was a common name, and so used the most common one that came to mind -- rather than do something crazy like, oh, actually ASK SOMEONE FOR THE KID'S NAME. Idiot.
My parents couldn't apologize enough, and ever since then, I have threatened dire consequences to anyone who even hinted at arranging such a spectacle for me again.
~David D.G.
(NOT FREAKIN' BOBBY!)
Posted by: David D.G. | June 2, 2008 2:08 PM
Just make sure you never darken the doorway of any Joe's Crab Shack restaurant.
I did... once. Never again.
No restaurant, however fantastic the food may be, has the right to make me watch the whole restaurant sing and do the actions to "Y.M.C.A." in the middle of my meal. Not one.
Posted by: tacitus | June 2, 2008 2:15 PM
Ed had a post last year about the continuing crisis of middle-brow culture, best defined as places that do this crap and think they're being classy. If the hostess is wearing her prom dress from four years back that's a bad sign, too.
Posted by: kehrsam | June 2, 2008 2:28 PM
To paraphrase Ed, no one has the right not to be embarrassed. ;-)
Posted by: Abby Normal | June 2, 2008 2:29 PM
Gordo's Taco Wagon will give you a free small taco on your birthday. All very dignified.
Posted by: Jim Thomerson | June 2, 2008 2:44 PM
That and the daughter making the comment about missing her boyfriend when a big plate of sausages is placed before her.
I'm typically okay with the whole birthday thing. If it happens-it happens. But I don't go out of my way to find those places.
Posted by: Rev. AJB | June 2, 2008 3:17 PM
Is cake involved? I don't care how much they humiliate me if there's free cake.
Posted by: tguy | June 2, 2008 3:48 PM
I'm a poor college student, and if it means I get free food on my birthday, I can totally handle the singing and clapping.
Posted by: Kearby | June 2, 2008 3:51 PM
There is nothing worse than insincerity in celebration and honoring someone or acknowledging them! It is not at all gratifying being sung to kids who hope to get a bigger tip and have no real sincerity in their wishes! But not as bad a getting a male stripper for a birthday present (I'm a woman for clarification). It was ghastly! And couldn't have been more off-putting or demonstrated someone not really knowing who I was at all!
Posted by: Mary | June 2, 2008 3:56 PM
I still have nightmares about Farrell's Ice cream parlor - I loved the place as a kid but would never go anywhere near it within a month or two of my birthday.
Posted by: Dave | June 2, 2008 4:03 PM
tacitus wrote:
Good lord, that's even worse than the birthday thing. I'd be on a clock tower with a high-powered rifle.
Posted by: Ed Brayton | June 2, 2008 4:46 PM
"not only did we sing a song, we sang the special Olive Garden
> Birthday Song. Which somebody must have written
In my teens and early twenties I worked in restaurants and bars. Every place I worked, but one, made waiters and bus staff collect for those birthday songs. I worked at one chain restaurant for two years with no aspirations for manager. It was one of those predecessors to the glass and brass type joints. Marvin, the assistant manager, wrote a birthday song for entire chain.
Singing unenthusiastically was not an option. Well, not an option if you wanted to keep Marvin from tormenting you (actually, I liked Marvin). There were handbooks and expectations for everything we did. Most of us were in our early twenties, going to school or working a second job and not serious about the restaurant business. But, if you wanted to keep your job, you went along. The money was good and we had a lot of fun after work every night.
That was a long time ago. I still remember every word of that goddamned song.
Posted by: Dr X | June 2, 2008 4:56 PM
Jeez, have a sense of humor. The humiliation of the birthday celebrant is part of the fun!
Plus, free cake.
Posted by: Carlo | June 2, 2008 5:13 PM
The more bouncy and gleeful a restaurant looks, the less inclined I am to eat there. I hate chipper. I especially hate the type of chipper that gets right in your face and says, "Hey! Look at me! Look how chipper I am!" Anything that could be described as "peppy", "exuberant", or "zany" is anathema to me as well.
I was in Colorado a few years back with a friend and his wife, and she decided we needed to go to Casa Bonita. I still hate her for dragging me there. If there is a hell, it couldn't be worse than Casa Bonita.
Posted by: Wes | June 2, 2008 5:30 PM
While I may not threaten mayhem to the perpetrators, I do find it stupid and embarrassing. Even watching it happen makes me cringe. A sad example of our shallow culture.
Posted by: freds | June 2, 2008 5:41 PM
In my family, it's usually a once-off thing. If you don't get too flustered, no one ever does it again. If you turn red and can't meet the gaze of another party member, be prepared for this to be the payback to every shoddy prank you pull.
Posted by: Mac | June 2, 2008 5:42 PM
wk posted a YouTube link to morris dancing, and suddenly i understood a good deal more about certain passages in Pratchett's Lords and Ladies. thanks!
Posted by: Nomen Nescio | June 2, 2008 5:44 PM
I have been on both sides, working at a restaurant and as patron with a birthday being sung at, and have both loathed and enjoyed both sides.
Those times I failed to enjoy it I was disinclined to want to enjoy it but went along grudgingly. Those times I thoroughly hated the experience I had shifted from passively going along to active resistance. This also came back at me as resentment of my unwillingness to at least passively go along.
Those times I enjoyed it I went along with some measure of enthusiasm. Those times I had a great time with it I realized that it was less about someones birthday than group morale, breaking up an otherwise boring day, and celebrating in the name of a birthday simply because it sounds silly to be celebrating 'Monday'.
At least once I had my birthday celebrated when it wasn't even close to my birthday for reasons of group morale. Taking one for the team but enjoying the cake and ice cream.
The lesson I gathered was that life, and these sorts of things, goes easier if I rolled with the punches and at least went along. And even when disinclined to enjoy this sort of thing if I threw myself into it I often had some fun.
Posted by: Art | June 2, 2008 5:47 PM
A steak knife? You should try it with a butter knife. Much more fun!
Posted by: Ferrous Patella | June 2, 2008 5:50 PM
I worked at The Olive Garden in college. Nothing ruins the lives of waitstaff more than birthdays. It's terrible. When you're super busy, some co-worker will ask you to drop everything and sing to some moron. It screws up your whole routine. And when it's you asking, you feel so bad about screwing up your coworkers. This makes everyone in the restaurant's food take a little longer, so your customers (besides the birthday boy or girl), and everyone else's customers, get pissed.
Posted by: Danny Noonan | June 2, 2008 5:57 PM
Casa Bonita? I always thought that was a made-up place from South Park. I hate peppy people.
Posted by: wrpd | June 2, 2008 6:06 PM
Unfortunately for humanity, it's real:
http://www.casabonitadenver.com/
The South Park episode doesn't even begin to describe how horrid the place is.
Posted by: Wes | June 2, 2008 6:31 PM
Ed, Stay the hell away from Red Robin. You'll hear their frickin' lame-ass birthday song about 8 times while you have dinner.
James Hanley: Dunno about the Middle East, but I once saw a bunch of college students in Belgium singing "Happy Birthday" to a friend in a restaurant. In English, oddly enough. Yay, cultural imperialism!
Posted by: andy.s | June 2, 2008 7:14 PM
"Anything that could be described as "peppy", "exuberant", or "zany" is anathema to me"
Oh Wes you are my brother. Though a generally happy, contented and easy-going woman, I have been bothered almost daily, since childhood, by people who want me to SMILE. Why does everyone (girls particularly) have to smile? Why, why?
Public singing should be brutally curtailed with diamond-edged hybrid sporks. It's the only thing creepier than watching all those Chinese kids doing precision flag-waving drills.
Posted by: boom | June 2, 2008 7:18 PM
Since I've had extremely horrible things happen on my birthday, this year I gave myself the day off from my jobs and took myself out for breakfast, then to two movies, and for 2 A&W Root Beer floats. I only told one person all day that it was my birthday--the friendly person at the fast food Chinese restaurant in the mall, who gave me a free 10 cent fortune cookie to celebrate. Of course, I don't have friends, so this would never happen to me, but even so, I love to sing. It may be an introvert/extrovert thing. A colleague and his wife, both introverts, adopted an extrovert. They just don't get each other, which might be why some people (presumably extroverts) like public displays over birthdays and others think it sounds like a living hell.
Posted by: Jude | June 2, 2008 7:26 PM
You're right. There's a lot more pressure on women than men to be artificially happy. In American culture being a somber loner can even be seen as romantic and attractive in men. But for women it's much different. You don't see a lot of women being portrayed positively as rebels who wear drab colors and scorn the artificiality of society. Most of the women on TV and movies are vivacious, perky and outgoing (and obnoxious). Maybe the world needs a female version of James Dean.
Posted by: Wes | June 2, 2008 7:47 PM
Dame Ngaio Marsh wrote a mystery, Death of a Fool, about Morris dancing. I have no idea how authentic her portrayal is, but it's a thumping good mystery. She goes into a lot of explanation of the characters (the Betty, the Fool), though I think the particular Dance she portrays is imaginary . . . she uses a lot of stuff from the Golden Bough to construct the dance and the plot.
May Day is also alive and well; my twins' elementary school in Austin has been dancing it every May for more than seventy years.
Posted by: Leigh | June 2, 2008 9:35 PM
And apparently a Morris dance was featured on an early episode of Dr. Who! How cool is that?
Posted by: Leigh | June 2, 2008 9:38 PM
I was in a very nice NYC restaurant on my birthday. One of my friends bought me a copy of the the restaurant's cookbook, asking that it be brought over to me as a gift. When they did, they also brought over a complimentary plate of excellent cookies for the table, with "Happy Birthday" written in chocolate on the plate. The waiter wished me a polite and discreet happy birthday when he presented the plate and the book, and that was it. Didn't call attention to our table, didn't bother the other guests, created almost no extra work for the staff. It was lovely.
Posted by: MS | June 2, 2008 10:01 PM
Wes:
You mean they're faking that,too? Damn.
I was at a restaurant once, chatting with my bartender pal (she's now my massage therapist pal) and some guy came in with his girlfriend and her sister. He was shitfaced and being more than somewhat of an asshole. He ordered a dessert with a birthday candle and then started singing. The four guys who had been sitting quietly, eating and chatting, stood up as one and sang "Happy Birthday To You" in four part harmony (they were a competitive Barber Shop Quartet). The young lady, who had been mortified by the stiff swain, was beaming when they finished (and I suspect he slept in his car, the dickwad).
You can sing "Happy Birtday" to me, anytime, anyplace--as long as there are cards and moolah involved.
Posted by: democommie | June 2, 2008 10:34 PM
AndyS. typed, "Ed, Stay the hell away from Red Robin. You'll hear their frickin' lame-ass birthday song about 8 times while you have dinner."
Ed is from mid-Michigan. Knapp's is place to go. You can hear Perry Como sing Happy Birthday three times an hour there. (They *do* give you a percent off your tab for each year of your age.)
Posted by: Ferrous Patella | June 3, 2008 12:10 AM
Oh, Ed, you have made a grave tactical error. *Never* admit that its embarrassing, or else your friends will just keep on doing it. You're doomed, man, DOOOOOOOMED!!!
Posted by: cath | June 3, 2008 12:36 AM
I too despise this misguided practice, but primarily because only birthday celebrants get a song. I think everyone would enjoy a little variety in their public displays of forced cheer. Imagine the following delivered by spunky clapping waitrons:
Posted by: Bob | June 3, 2008 1:50 AM
A clain called Johnny Rocket's, a 50's style dinner, makes their staff get on the counter at certain points of the day and sing along with the jukebox. That or they sing and dance through the place.
A friend of mine had her birthday at a mexican restaurant a few years back. Her mom told the waiter that it was her birthday and a mariachi band came out and had her and a few others dance the macarana. She was none too happy.
My roommate is a bartender at a local strip club. For people's birthday they have them sit in a chair on the main stage and all the dancers dance around them. I could probably deal with that one but I've never been in there on my birthday.
Posted by: Jeremy | June 3, 2008 2:14 AM
baldape wrote:
So just how is "baldape pronounced?
What I hate most is when they look at my check or credit card and address me by my first name. In the U.S. we have forgotten that a little formal politeness is the lubricant of social interaction, that keeps the pieces from rubbing together and creating too much friction.
Posted by: James Hanley | June 3, 2008 4:06 AM
Hubby and I went to a steak restaurant once, can't remember which one, but it was a chain - they had peanut hulls all over the floor for "authenticity". At any rate, every half-hour or so, all the employees had to come out and do a line dance. I was so embarrassed for them.
Oh, and my first restaurant job was AT CASA BONITA! It's even worse than you think. I got to wear the monkey suit and scare all the kids on Sundays. Good times!
Posted by: RebekahD | June 3, 2008 4:52 AM
Dear Mr Hanley,
I too dislike the creeping informality evident in today's society. In future all participants on this thread may call me either Mr Dingo or sir.
Your Faithfully,
Mr Dingo. :)
Posted by: DingoJack | June 3, 2008 5:52 AM
RebekahD:
This scaring the children thing; could one, like, have that as their full-time position. Just wondering, you know.
Posted by: democommie | June 3, 2008 5:55 AM
This scaring the children thing; could one, like, have that as their full-time position. Just wondering, you know.
Sure -- just join the Republican Party, and be sure ALL the tendons in your neck are visible whenever you use the words "Obama" and "madrassa."
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 3, 2008 9:09 AM
This kind of enforced floor show isn't unique to the U.S., either. A few years ago I was living in Australia, and I made the mistake of visiting a faux Texas-style steak house. Its poor waitstaff had to come out every friggin' 30 minutes clapping and line-dancing choreographed to some godawful country western song. All of them looked bored or pissed, which definitely undercut the whole happy happy happy air the management was trying to create. Now that I look back on it, it wasn't just annoying ... it was downright creepy.
Posted by: Steve T | June 3, 2008 9:23 AM
I loved Casa Bonita as a kid. It was like Disneyland with sopapias. The best was being "kidnapped" by Bad Bart and getting to push him off the waterfall when the Nacho Sheriff rescued me. Good times, at least for a 12 year old.
Posted by: Abby Normal | June 3, 2008 9:29 AM
Hell, I even hate it when the waitress tells me her name.
I don't bloody care about your name. You and I will never meet again. We will not become friends. You are here to get my food from the kitchen to my table as quickly as possible. Your name is not relevant to that transaction.
Posted by: Donalbain | June 3, 2008 12:05 PM
I am a cashier at a nationwide chain. I never do this and no one has ever encouraged me to.
Being on the other side of things, I AM required to wear a name tag and find it extremely condescending when customers use my name, especially when it comes with the pointed glance at my chest. I tend to get very polite at that point, albeit in a very chilly way...
As far as restaurant antics are concerned, don't care as long as I get free cake. I'll put up with a lot for free cake. You could call me by my first name AND stare at my chest, but it would behoove you to hand me the cake first.
Posted by: twincats | June 3, 2008 6:26 PM
I HATE that birthday-in-restaurants-thing. I really really do.
It's not about being embarrassed by it - it's about it being noisy and disruptive and just plain rude. I'M not there to celebrate some stranger's birthday, so why is it forced upon me while I try to have my dinner??
Ironically, I'm the defacto birthday coordinator for my team at work - but that's mostly just because I love to bake and decorate cakes and cupcakes and cookies, and it gives me an excuse. However, participation is not mandated - if I don't know your birthday, you're not on the list. If you ask to have your name taken off, no problem. If I know you'll be more embarrassed than amused, you're off the list.
I'm also with Baldape about the name thing. I stopped going to a large grocery store chain because they insisted on calling me by name. I hated that, so decided that I was not going to shop there again. We get a gift certificate from there every year from my husband's boss, and every year we regift it to our housecleaner who does shop there. (If I'm travelling and the only grocer in the area is that chain, I use a friend's mother's card number...and laugh, because there's no way in hell they can pronounce her surname)
Posted by: CanadianChick | June 3, 2008 9:34 PM
Years ago, at a T.G.I. Fridays here in Reno, I asked my waiter to scare me up my third Long Island (don't ask). After waiting for a good 10 minutes I spotted him rounding up the staff for a birthday spectacle a few tables from me.
I got up and walked over to the party and told him that I wanted my drink NOW, and that the birthday girl could wait (two Long Islands will do that to you...).
It was funny. The lady of honor glanced down at her freshly emptied martini glass and told her waiter that, since they were waiting, he might as well grab her another. The group all decided this was surely the right thing to do, and all 6 gathered wait people marched to the bar to fill the orders of the birthday party.
They never did get around to singing.
Posted by: BobbyEarle | June 3, 2008 11:14 PM
traditions are funny.
I think some of them are fun, and some are annoying.
The ones we've known forever are ever so empty and contrived when underpaid and overworked people are forced to do them... but 100 years from now, well, it may just seem commonplace- one of the ones we've known forever. I hope not.
For most of the country, talking about what happened on a sitcom suffices for conversation- otherwise you might just talk about something taboo, since you don't know if they are a religious wingnut or not. Safer to replay that funny moment with Ross and Chandler.
Posted by: Will Von Wizzlepig | June 5, 2008 7:11 PM