Dispatches from the Creation Wars

PZ is Being a Very Bad Boy

I’m sure a large portion of my readers also read PZ’s blog so they’re already aware of this, but I missed it for a few days and the whole thing cracks me up. It all started when a student at the University of Central Florida went to mass and instead of eating the wafer during communion, he took it out of his mouth and took it with him instead. Why that would upset anyone is beyond me, but some hardcore Catholics have gone completely off the deep end over it.

Webster gave the wafer back, but the Catholic League, a national watchdog organization for Catholic rights claims that is not enough.

“We don’t know 100% what Mr. Cooks motivation was,” said Susan Fani a spokesperson with the local Catholic diocese. “However, if anything were to qualify as a hate crime, to us this seems like this might be it.”


They’re demanding everything but the crucifixion of the student. One priest says this is kidnapping!

Regardless of the reason, the Diocese says its main concern is to get the Eucharist back so it can be taken care of properly and with respect. Cook has been keeping the Eucharist stored in a plastic bag since last Sunday.

“It is hurtful,” said Father Migeul Gonzalez with the Diocese. “Imagine if they kidnapped somebody and you make a plea for that individual to please return that loved one to the family.”

PZ had a rational and ideal response: it’s a fucking cracker, people. A piece of bread. Get over it. And he asked his readers to send him some “sanctified” eucharist crackers so he could really show them sacrilege:

Can anyone out there score me some consecrated communion wafers? There’s no way I can personally get them — my local churches have stakes prepared for me, I’m sure — but if any of you would be willing to do what it takes to get me some, or even one, and mail it to me, I’ll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won’t be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web. I shall do so joyfully and with laughter in my heart.

Pointless provocation? Maybe. But boy are these drama queen halfwits begging to be ridiculed in this way. And it provoked the ire of – who else? – Bill Donohue of the Catholic League, about whom the Warren Zevon classic Excitable Boy would serve as understatement. He wants the student expelled and he wants PZ fired for threatening to offend him. One of these days I expect to see Bill Donohue just explode from an overdose of highly exaggerated outrage on national television. I just hope it happens when I’m watching.

And just to take things from the ridiculous to the surreal, now Donohue and his idiots-in-waiting are demanding that the Republican National Convention increase security because PZ lives in Minnesota and might hurt them. No, I’m not making that up. There really is no limit to just how absurd these people can be. There is no bottom to this barrel.