Ed Brayton is a freelance writer and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
Mark Twain famously said there were three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. Perhaps we can add a fourth kind: statistics that are outright lies. Jacob Sollum documents a whopper of a lie from Rep. Spencer Bauchus (R-AL) in his arguments for banning online gambling.
Speaking against the bill, Alabama Rep. Spencer Bachus, the committee's ranking Republican, explained that the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act (UIGEA), the law that requires the regulations, is all about saving the youth of America from a potentially lethal addiction. "McGill University found that one-third of college students who gamble on the Internet ultimately attempted suicide," he averred. He added, "That is why the rate of suicide on our college campuses has doubled in the past 10 years."
Wow! A University study found that 1/3 of college students who gamble try to kill themselves! And suicide on college campuses has doubled in the last ten years! Except that both of those stats appear to have been pulled directly from Bauchus' rectum. Jeffrey L. Derevensky, a gambling and addiction research at McGill University, says their studies didn't even address that issue, much less reach that conclusion.
This assertion, which is reportedly based upon our empirical research, is not predicated upon any factual evidence. None of the studies conducted with adolescents or college students, to the best of my knowledge, have looked at a connection between Internet wagering and suicide attempts.
So Bauchus released a second, slightly modified statement:
"A study by McGill University found that nearly one-third of teenage compulsive gamblers attempted suicide."
But he's still lying. The McGill study found no such thing. And he's also lying about suicide rates, which have in fact gone down, not up:
Then, too, while Bachus said suicides on college campuses have doubled in the last decade, the CDC says suicides among 15-to-24-year-olds fell by 28 percent between 1990 and 2003, then rose by 8 percent in 2004 before falling by 3 percent in 2005, the latest year for which data are available.
Being the compulsive gambler that I am, I'll lay you 10-1 odds that Bauchus will never acknowledge his own lies. Lies in the service of one's moral crusade, for people like Bauchus, magically transform into the truth in their minds.
Politics
Comments
Much as a wheat cracker changes its substance to the Lord and Saviour upon consecration while remaining in the form of a cracker, a lie told in the cause of Jesus changes its substance to the truth while remaining in the form of a lie. It's called Truth Transubstantiation, and I am deeply offended that you do not respect my belief in it.
Posted by: Shygetz | July 24, 2008 9:51 AM
this is the same guy who said allowing gay marriage would be worse than losing the war in iraq.
Posted by: wheeler | July 24, 2008 10:17 AM
Shygetz, that was a fantastic simile. Can i use that (in a shortened form) as my comment footer?
Posted by: Richard Eis | July 24, 2008 10:17 AM
Why am I not surprised that this ass-talking, lying politician is from the Republican persuasion?
Posted by: Blaidd Drwg | July 24, 2008 10:21 AM
But it's for the children!
amidoingitright?
Posted by: Shawn Wilkinson | July 24, 2008 10:27 AM
Blaidd, give me a f'ing break. All politicians are liars, both D's and R's. They all lie for their own causes.
Posted by: oilyone | July 24, 2008 10:49 AM
Oh, what a disappointment. Here I was thinking he had misused statistics to lie. Turns out, he didn't even have the creativity to misuse statistics: he just made shit up. Now I cannot even get properly indignant, because I have to write this off as a simple bald-faced lie.
Posted by: Dan | July 24, 2008 11:05 AM
Shygetz wins. The prize? One internets.
Posted by: Foster Disbelief | July 24, 2008 11:31 AM
10-1 eh... I'll take the odds.
Also, what's the over/under on the date your FISA request gets answered?
Posted by: Charles | July 24, 2008 11:52 AM
"statistics that are outright lies" is a bit of a misnomer...a statistic by definition is based on some actual information. Let's just kill off that Mark Twain quote and call them all lies. I hate hate hate that quote, since it demeans my chosen profession (Statistician) by basically calling me a liar. "47% of all rocks are made out of beef by-product" isn't a statistic, it's just a lie.
Posted by: aweb | July 24, 2008 11:54 AM
I'm reminded of a study in Retral Phenomena that found 87% of statistics are made up.
(Sorry aweb.)
Posted by: Abby Normal | July 24, 2008 12:19 PM
That quotation is most popularly attributed to Mark Twain, Benjamin Disraeli, and Alfred Marshall.
Perhaps a better saying might involve "lies, damned lies, and quotations without a citation"?
Posted by: TomS | July 24, 2008 12:21 PM
If it's lying for Jesus, it isn't lying. And make no mistake about it, it's lying for Jesus.
We need a new phonetic spelling for Jesus. One that is based on the pronunciation of southern politicians and their hayseed voters. So, instead of Jesus, it's Jaaayzuuuus! or perhaps Jeeeezuuuus!
That's why I could never be a Christian. I lived in the south most of my childhood and the pronunciation of his name alone was enough to drive me to agnosticism.
Posted by: soboco | July 24, 2008 1:05 PM
Richard Eis--feel free.
Posted by: Shygetz | July 24, 2008 2:06 PM
soboco: I went to a funeral of a distant relative whose funeral and burial were here in Michigan. However, she had lived in Arkansas since the late sixties. When her son got up to speak, he talked at length about the current location of her soul, and the name of her savior. He pronounced it with about twelve vowel sounds between the J and the first s - something like Jaieazzuhsss.
Which is weird, because there are some vowel sounds that Southerners paste together - the word "oil" sounds like 'uhhl' or even 'earl'. (One that makes sense: an Alabamian friend of mine pronounces his profession as 'law-yer' as opposed to the Northern 'Loy-er'. As he says, "I don't practice 'loy'".)
Posted by: chancelikely | July 24, 2008 2:13 PM
How about:
Liers, damned liers, and people who misuse evidence.
?
The first and second are at least openly lying. The last is hiding behind a facade of evidence. The one who misuses evidence is both lying and deceiving.
Posted by: Dan | July 24, 2008 3:06 PM
oilyone, of course politicians lie, that's their stock-in-trade. But when you see a politician lying about a social issue, especially when the issue is a matter of personal freedom, and they bring in the 'safety of the children' - then it's a pretty safe bet that its a republican speaking.
Posted by: Blaidd Drwg | July 24, 2008 3:18 PM
It seems to me that Democrats tend to lie about themselves: I didn't have sexual relations with that woman; we landed under sniper fire; I never sent inappropriate messages to that Page...
What's that, Mark Foley was a Republican? I stand corrected. I was going by FOX news, who labeled him a Democrat when they ran the story.
Whereas Republican's tend to lie about reality:
The Healthy Forests Initiative will help forests.
No Child Left Behind will help children.
The Clear Skies Initiative will reduce air pollution.
There is no global warming.
There is global warming, but humans aren't causing it.
If there is global warming, it's actually good for us.
There are legitimate scientists who dispute the "liberal" theories about global warming.
Sex education causes STDs and increases pregnancy rates.
Ronald Reagan was the best president in history.
The media is liberal.
Bill Clinton is a flip-flopper.
Hillary Clinton murdered Vince Foster.
Bill & Hillary Clinton are radical leftists.
Al Gore is a waffler.
Al Gore claimed he invented the internet.
Al Gore is boring, stiff and wonky.
George W. Bush is a great guy to have a beer with.
George W. Bush is a Texan.
George Bush was a successful businessman.
Bush won Florida in 2000.
Losing by 2 million votes in 2000 is a mandate.
This administration will hold itself accountable.
Bush will restore honor and integrity to the White House.
The Clinton administration trashed the White House before the Bush administration took over.
Bush will make health insurance affordable for low-income families.
Republicans are compassionate conservatives.
It is executive privilege not to reveal the members of the energy task force.
Vice President Cheney no longer has ties with Halliburton.
Bush is not that familiar with Ken "Kenny Boy" Lay.
HPV vaccine will cause teen sex cults.
Unemployment numbers have never been so low.
Outsourcing will create more jobs.
The vast majority of Bush's tax cuts go to the bottom end of the spectrum.
Tax breaks for Hummers are good for the economy.
Tax cuts increase federal revenue.
The estate tax hurts family farms.
Privatizing Social Security will save Social Security.
Citizens will earn more money for retirement with "private accounts."
Republican proposals to change Social Security are not plans to "privatize."
They are not "private accounts," they are "personal accounts."
The budget deficit will be cut in half in four years.
The economy is doing great.
Nothing is more important in a time of war than cutting taxes.
Bill Clinton is responsible for 9/11.
Bill Clinton was offered Bin Laden on a silver platter and turned it down.
No one could have anticipated airplanes flying into buildings.
We have removed the Taliban from Afghanistan.
Pat Tillman was killed by enemy fire.
They hate us for our freedom.
The creation of a department specializing in Domestic Security isn't necessary.
Refusing to support the creation of a new Department of Homeland Security is anti-American.
The Patriot Act is needed to protect Americans.
Giving up some freedoms is necessary to defend freedom.
"Bin Laden Determined to Strike within the U.S." was a historical document.
You're either with us or against us.
We don't want the smoking gun to be in the form of a mushroom cloud.
The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.
Anyone who leaks information will no longer be a part of this administration.
There can be no doubt that Saddam has reconstituted his WMD program.
The only way to get Zarqawi is to invade Iraq.
Saddam Hussein attacked us on 9/11.
We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here.
Critics of the war are liberal, left-wing radicals.
Opposition to the war gives aid and comfort to the enemy.
Democrats hate America.
Dissent is unpatriotic.
The Iraqis will welcome us with open arms and flowers.
It could take six days, six weeks - I doubt six months.
Several hundred thousand troops is wildly off the mark.
Democrats voted for the war too.
Iraq is the central front on the war on terrorism.
Yellow ribbon magnets on your car mean you support the troops.
Iraqi oil will pay for the war and the reconstruction.
US liability for the war shouldn't be more than a billion dollars.
Saddam would not let the weapons inspectors in the country.
Saddam would not let the weapons inspectors do their jobs.
There is a large international coalition participating in "Operation Iraqi Freedom."
We know where the WMD are. They're in the area around Baghdad and Tikrit and north, south, west and east somewhat.
Those trucks we found in Iraq were mobile biological weapons labs.
Iraq sent its WMDs to Syria.
Mission accomplished.
The violence is the result of a few Baathist dead-enders.
The insurgency is in its last throes.
Bring It On.
No one could have anticipated the Iraqi insurgency.
There is no civil war in Iraq.
We've turned a corner in Iraq.
A spike in violence in Iraq is a sign of American success as insurgents resist positive changes.
A decline in violence in Iraq is indicative of American success in getting a handle on Iraqi security.
If our military commanders need more troops, all they have to do is ask for them.
Abu Ghraib was the result of "a few bad apples."
There is no need for a bill banning the use of torture.
We do not torture.
A "signing statement" freeing the executive branch from having to follow a law is necessary during a time of war.
Progress as a result of the "historic" pass of sovereignty, formation of government, election in Iraq will be seen in the next 6 to 8 months.
When they stand up, we'll stand down.
A plan to withdraw troops is defeatist.
U.S. beliefs that Iraq had WMD was an intelligence lapse.
The WMD mistakes were made in good faith.
Congress had access to the same intelligence on Iraq.
The Founding Fathers were Christians.
George W. Bush is a Christian man.
America is a Christian nation.
There is a war on Christmas.
There is a war on Easter.
Democrats and the ACLU want to ban the bible.
Democrats and the ACLU want to make it illegal to pray.
Bush was elected by "values voters."
Dems struggle to attract "values voters."
Jesus would have voted for Bush.
Gay marriage threatens the sanctity of marriage.
Republicans are pro-life.
Democrats are the party of death.
Evolution isn't supported by the facts.
There are legitimate scientists who dispute the "liberal" theories about evolution.
Man existed alongside the dinosaurs.
The earth is 6,000 years old.
Terry Schiavo wanted to live.
Michael Schiavo wanted to murder his wife.
Michael Schiavo abused his wife.
Terry Schiavo can laugh, smile & communicate.
Terry Schiavo can recover.
The country is 'bitterly divided' over the Schiavo controversy.
George W. Bush is a war hero. John Kerry isn't.
John Kerry shot himself in the leg to earn his medals.
Max Cleeland blew off his own limbs.
Bush is a war president.
Bush is a popular president.
The Democrats are weak on national security
Bush critics are 'shrill,' 'angry,' 'bitter'
John Kerry was against the $87 million before he was for it.
John Kerry is a flip-flopper.
John Kerry outed Mary Cheney.
Howard Dean is insane.
Diebold voting machines are secure.
Fox News is fair and balanced.
Jeff Gannon is a journalist.
Bill O'Reilly looks out for you by cutting through the spin to get to the truth.
Chris Matthews will not let anything get by him.
Tim Russert asks the tough questions.
Dan Rather got what was coming to him.
No one could have anticipated the breech of the levies.
Kathleen Blanco never asked for federal help.
Ray Nagin should have used the buses.
All of the president's nominations should be given an "up or down vote."
John Roberts would be a great Supreme Court justice.
Harriet Miers would be a great Supreme Court justice.
Harriet Miers is the best candidate to fill the Supreme Court vacancy.
It is not necessary to give Harriet Miers an immediate "up or down vote."
Sam Alito is the best candidate to fill the Supreme Court vacancy.
It is the duty of Congress to approve the President's nominations.
Tom DeLay is decent Christian businessman.
The Delay investigation is the result of a rabidly partisan prosecutor.
Nobody at the White House knows Jack Abramoff.
Democrats took money from Jack Abramoff too.
The Corruption scandals are bipartisan.
The 9/11 plot would have been discovered with the NSA domestic spying program.
Press reports about warrantless wire tapping undermines American national security.
Bill Clinton did it too.
Democrats don't want to wiretap terrorists.
Whenever we say "wiretap," that means we're going to get a court order.
The government is tapping your phone to protect you.
Leaks of classified information authorized by the President are ok because he can de-classify anything at will.
Leaks of classified information to the press by a whistleblower to expose illegal activity are treasonous and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
You cannot have Civil Liberties if you are dead.
Anyone who thinks Dubai shouldn't control our ports is racist.
No one who thinks we should build a wall along the Mexican border is racist.
The national anthem should only be sung in English.
Mexicans must be stopped from taking jobs Americans won't do.
George W. Bush is a decider.
Dick Cheney is a sober shooter.
Joe Wilson admitted that Valerie Plame wasn't covert.
Valerie Plame is a traitor.
Joseph Wilson is a traitor.
Patrick Fitzgerald is going to indict Joe Wilson.
Karl Rove has a faulty memory.
Scooter Libby has a faulty memory.
Gas prices are high because of liberal environmentalists.
Gas prices are high because of taxes.
Drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge will lower the price of oil.
High gas prices are the result of increased global demand.
Capping gas prices interferes with the free market.
Gas is still cheaper in America than in Europe.
Windfall taxes on high oil company profits is socialism.
It's surprising that Bush's poll numbers are so low since people like him so much.
Basically everybody likes the president except for a few wackos on the left.
George Bush doesn't read the polls.
The Democrats are in disarray.
The Democrats are struggling to take advantage of opportunities even with a weakened GOP.
Some Democrat party insiders are concerned the party is too liberal.
Some Democrat party insiders say Howard Dean is destroying the party.
Howard Dean can't raise money.
The Republican Party is the party of ideas.
Democrats lack new ideas.
Democrats are struggling to articulate ideas.
Democrats take a political hit criticizing Bush when he has strong poll numbers.
Democrats look like they are "piling on" if they criticize Bush when he has weak poll numbers.
Al Gore is an angry madman.
John McCain is a maverick.
John McCain is a straight shooter.
Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia.
All due credit to Bentz for compiling this list.
Posted by: Abby Normal | July 24, 2008 4:33 PM
Sorry, aweb, but until your fellow statisticians who make a living whoring themselves out to politicians and media orgs in need of reality-distorting and official sounding "polls", that Twain quote will remain in use and accurate. Lawyers have to deal with being called criminals, and you have to deal with the fact that anyone with enough training can make numbers seem to say whatever they want them to.
Posted by: Julian | July 24, 2008 5:30 PM
Bah! I dropped a clause; first time for everything I suppose. That should read "...until your fellow statisticians who make a living whoring themselves out to politicians and media orgs in need of reality-distorting and official sounding "polls" find a more honest way to feed themselves,..."
Posted by: Julian | July 24, 2008 5:33 PM
As an aside, does anyone else find it humorous that a guy who's family name is that of a pagan god of drunkenness and fun is the one leading the charge against internet gambling?
Posted by: Julian | July 24, 2008 5:47 PM
Julian:
... in which case someone, somewhere, is always lying. There's nothing mysterious about statistics. You get the answer to the question you ask. The problem is, people lie about the question a particular statistic answers, and how. (Or in the case of this article, Bauchus just lied, and there was no statistic.)
Interesting how bookies and casinos never have problems with statistics...
Posted by: Dan | July 24, 2008 6:43 PM
Abby, the problem with that list is that some of the items are factually false (e.g., Al Gore claims he invented the internet), and others are just opinion (e.g., John Roberts would be a great Supreme Court Justice). The list creates the impression that you don't understand the difference between fact and opinion. That's not helpful to your credibility. A perfectly good, though somewhat shorter, list could be constructed entirely out of factually false statements by prominent Republicans in this decade.
Posted by: Tom | July 25, 2008 11:58 AM
Thanks for the feedback Tom. In an effort to try and restore a bit of my credibility with you I'll say that the fact verses opinion issue did occur to me. If you compare the list I posted with the one I link to at the bottom of my comment you'll see I started to remove the options. However, my taxi arrived early so I decided to just go with what I had. I figured for a joke comment it was good enough. Perhaps I'll think otherwise next time.
Posted by: Abby Normal | July 25, 2008 12:28 PM
Isn't a "fact" just an opinion we can all agree upon? For example: it's probably a fact that I'd make a terrible SCOTUS Justice...
Posted by: Dan | July 25, 2008 12:43 PM
Julian asked,
Oh, yes. It's such delicious irony.Posted by: James Hanley | July 25, 2008 10:04 PM
aweb: As an econometrician I share your irritation with that quote. My preferred reply is "figures don't lie, but liars figure".
Julian: The reason people misuse statistics to mislead is that everyone knows most people can't handle numbers. Statistics, dubious or otherwise, act as a mental stop sign for most people. This is why statistics should get more focus in education. If you understand statistics you don't find those attempt to mislead with numbers very convincing.
Posted by: James K | July 26, 2008 4:02 AM
Arguably, probability theory should be taught on any course on reasoning, because probability theory (and statistics) is the rational way to reason under uncertainty... which happens to be most of the time! :)
Posted by: Dan | July 27, 2008 3:15 PM
Hmm, they want to ban gambling and NYSE is still operating???
Posted by: Roman Werpachowski | July 27, 2008 3:17 PM