Dispatches from the Creation Wars

This is why I read the Worldnutdaily first thing every morning (or every afternoon, depending on when I got out of bed), for headlines like this:

Surprise! Russia not about to invade Mideast, says new prophecy theory

Whew, I feel so much better now. Was there some sane and rational person in the world who believed Russia was on the verge of invading the Middle East? Of course not. But there are apparently lots of Biblical “prophecy” nuts who thought this was about to happen and, the Worldnutdaily assures us, they’ve misread the tea leaves.

“You can set Russia’s recent invasion of Georgia and Israel’s concern over Iran’s nuclear aspirations on the back burner, not that these topics lack importance,” says Salus. “The stage is not adequately set for the highly publicized Ezekiel 38 and 39 Russian-Iranian nuclear-equipped consortia of nations to invade Israel. Psalm 83 comes first, and then Ezekiel 38 follows on its heels like a Goliath shadow. There are two distinct invasions of Israel, one building upon the other, with both occurring sequentially in the Middle East.”

Except, of course, the Bible actually says nothing at all about Russia (which did not exist as a nation or civilization when the Psalms were written; perhaps ironically, Russia was likely settled around 500 BC by people “invading” from the Middle East, Persians in particular) and even less about anyone being nuclear-equipped.

The theory has many long-time students of Bible prophecy sitting up and taking notice.

Well it’s nice to know something managed to do that. I bet Jack Van Impe has a chubby right now.