Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
Another Worldnutdaily exclusive:
The patriarch of the Orthodox Church of Ethiopia says he will announce to the world Friday the unveiling of the Ark of the Covenant, perhaps the world's most prized archaeological and spiritual artifact, which he says has been hidden away in a church in his country for millennia, according to the Italian news agency Adnkronos.Abuna Pauolos, in Italy for a meeting with Pope Benedict XVI this week, told the news agency, "Soon the world will be able to admire the Ark of the Covenant described in the Bible as the container of the tablets of the law that God delivered to Moses and the center of searches and studies for centuries."
But wait, I thought Worldnutdaily columnist Kelly Hollowell had already revealed that the Ark of the Covenant was buried in the Judean desert? And that Ron Wyatt had found the Ark of the Covenant in a cave under Calvary, where it had the dried blood of Jesus on it (and he knows it's the blood of Jesus because it only had 24 chromosomes, 23 from the mother and one from God himself. Now it's been discovered a third time in a different location. This thing is apparently quite mobile.
"The Ark of the Covenant is in Ethiopia for many centuries," said Pauolos. "As a patriarch I have seen it with my own eyes and only few highly qualified persons could do the same, until now."According to Pauolos, the actual Ark has been kept in one church, but to defend the treasure, a copy was placed in every single church in Ethiopia.
It's like an Elvis commemorative plate from the Franklin Mint, only a certain amount are made.
The Ark of the Covenant is the sacred container of the Ten Commandments as well as Aaron's rod and a sample of manna, the mysterious food that kept the Israelites alive while wandering in the wilderness during their journey to the promised land.
3000 year old manna? That stuff has a longer shelflife than a Twinkie.
Politics
Comments
Manna *is* twinkies. A shipment fell through a wormhole into the Judean desert...
:)
Posted by: Kurt | June 26, 2009 9:11 AM
Considering that forensic historians now believe that the story of the Jews enslavement by the Egyptians, the Exodus into the desert for any time at all let alone forty years, and the character of Moses himself to be falsehoods promoted into myth, you just gotta have some serious doubts about the Ark of the Covenant being real. A good fake - now that would be about perfect.
Posted by: Gingerbaker | June 26, 2009 9:14 AM
"but to defend the treasure, a copy was placed in every single church in Ethiopia."
5 bucks says when the ark is revealed to be a fake they will say it was one of the 'copies' and somehow that proves the real one is in Ethiopia somewhere.
Posted by: mr P | June 26, 2009 9:20 AM
"Forensic historians" that's a laugh ! Pure guesswork, more like.
Posted by: Gandalf the grey | June 26, 2009 9:28 AM
Perhaps Pope Benedict believes that Indiana Jones was a true story and that all the evil people in the world will melt when it is revealed. Benedict, aka Joseph Ratzinger, as a former Hitler youth might melt too, but maybe that is a risk he is willing to take.
Posted by: Ann Klein | June 26, 2009 9:31 AM
And that Ron Wyatt had found the Ark of the Covenant in a cave under Calvary, where it had the dried blood of Jesus on it (and he knows it's the blood of Jesus because it only had 24 chromosomes, 23 from the mother and one from God himself.
Why would Jesus have bled onto the Ark of the Covenant? The gospel accts of Jesus's death and resurrection don't mention that the Ark was buried along with him.
Maybe he got cut while trying to open it? Does it have sharp edges?
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 9:31 AM
And that Ron Wyatt had found the Ark of the Covenant in a cave under Calvary, where it had the dried blood of Jesus on it (and he knows it's the blood of Jesus because it only had 24 chromosomes, 23 from the mother and one from God himself.
Why would Jesus have bled on the Ark? Did he cut himself trying to open it?
The gospel accounts of JC's death and ressurection don't mention that he was buried with or on the Ark.
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 9:33 AM
It took nearly an act of god (insert joke here) and dozens of years to get some threads from the Turin shroud tested. I'll bet it takes years to allow a piece of this fake to be substantively tested as well. I'm guessing the paint is still wet.
Posted by: MikeMa | June 26, 2009 9:33 AM
Oops, sorry for the double post.
So why is this Patriarch deciding to reveal the Ark now? What suddenly changed in the world that made it OK to reveal it?
Do the deaths of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon have anything to do with the timing, you think?
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 9:35 AM
If Jerry Rivers (Geraldo Rivera) is not in on this, like he was at the opening of Al Capones' "vault", I cry "hoax!". If he is in on it, I cry "HOAX!!!!!!".
Posted by: democommie | June 26, 2009 9:39 AM
Ed, I think you also should have paged Dan Brown on this one.
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 9:44 AM
Adrienne, the reason it would have the blood of Jesus on it is because when He was crucified on the cross and gave up the ghost, there was a great earthquake. This opened up the ground and when the soldier pierced Him in His side, the blood ran down and went into the ground. If the ark was buried beneath the crucifixion site, then Jesus' blood could have seeped through the rocks and landed on the mercy seat of the ark. Blood of animals was sprinkled on the mercy seat for atonement of sins. Christ's blood on the mercy seat would fulfill the atonement literally.
Posted by: Dana | June 26, 2009 9:49 AM
You mean the Ark isn't securely stashed in a GSA warehouse on US soil?! No wonder there's so much chaos in the world these days!
And they made a lot of fake arks to confuse thieves and other evildoers? I'll take that as the most honest thing those fruit-bats have ever said.
Hey, let's "protect the Ark" even more by selling mass-produced fakes in posh-twee tourist-traps and gift shops all over the world! Proceeds from the sales could go to beefed-up security for the real Ark. (Which means, of course, all that money would simply vanish from the books, and an sudit would be detrimental to the cause, because the location of the real Ark, and all the security it needs, has to be kept secret, donchaknow. Which means if it all goes to another devout Christian's fling with an Argentine hottie, no one will be the wiser.)
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 26, 2009 9:51 AM
"Soon the world will be able to admire the Ark of the Covenant described in the Bible..."
Soon. As soon as they finish manufacturing it and adding the distress marks and chemically-enhanced patina.
Posted by: tle | June 26, 2009 9:52 AM
- Three elements of this device have a special purpose:
1) "The Testimony" that Yahweh sent directly to Moses = walkie - talkie. 2)" The mercy cover" = loudspeaker.
3) The golden cherubim = antennas. The operating system: "When Moses entered the Tent of Meeting to
speak whith the Lord ( Yahweh ) , he heard the voice speaking to him from between the two cherubim above the
atonement cover on the ark of the Testimony. And he spoke with the Lord" ( Numbers 7: 89 ).
- Moses and the Spaceships of the Gods... Messiah - His Spaceships... Secrets of the Vatican - UFO's in the Ancient
Art... Pope's star watcher to visit NASA and talk aliens... The Vatican is to go head to head with NASA over the
possibility of life existing anywhere else in the Universe except Earth:
http://cristiannegureanu.blogspot.com/2009/06/holy-ark-announcement-due-on-friday.html
Posted by: Karl | June 26, 2009 9:57 AM
It seems like people don't really know what the subject is all about. I just advise you to read the book " The sign and the seal" by Graham Hancock. It will open your eyes about the subject. Actually I wasn't surprised by the news that the arc is in Ethiopia, this country is the only country where you see ancient church ceremony still being practiced in this modern ages. Christianity has been there longer than it has been in any other parts of the world. it is documented all over.
read the book please
Posted by: Milliyon | June 26, 2009 10:05 AM
Ed Brayton you sir are a real Jerk!!!
Posted by: tom | June 26, 2009 10:07 AM
As fools do, you open your mouths and stupidity flows like rushing rivers, devouring all who are also to stupid to think for themselves and get out of the way of your mouth. This may or may not be the "True" Ark but it will be revealed. It then will be used by the Jews during the 7 years trials and tribulations. If this is it, then you will see more wrath that you ever could imagine, by God. Go ahead and feel secure in your ignorance. God's not laughing with you and neither am I.
Posted by: In the LAST days there will be scoffers | June 26, 2009 10:12 AM
I think he's got a shiny tin badge with that emblazoned on it, tom. And a lovingly framed certificate.
(Boy howdy, this blog post is drawing them out like moths to a flame on a dark night ... I bet someone posted a link on www.loonymoonbats.com.)
Posted by: Scott Simmons | June 26, 2009 10:15 AM
Well, Ed: it seems some religious site has found you. Welcome, wingnuts! Froth away!
Posted by: Spidergrackle | June 26, 2009 10:18 AM
Ed:
Now you've done it, you've pissed off the Whackjobs For YHWY contingent.
If history is a guide, the AofC, if it actually existed, would have been looted by some Chief Master Sergeant in whichever Legion saw to destroying the 2nd Temple. It then would have wound its way through history for a couple of millenia before winding up as a "find" on the Antiques Road Show. "So, tell me, Sir, do you have any idea of the value of your beautiful little box?".
Posted by: democommie | June 26, 2009 10:18 AM
If this is it, then you will see more wrath that you ever could imagine, by God.
Wanna place a bet on that little ditty?
Posted by: Richard Eis | June 26, 2009 10:19 AM
Ann Klein- How does this blog entry prompt an attack on the Pope? As a 14 year old he was indeed a member of the Hitler youth as was EVERY German boy. It is like registering with selective service now. He never attended a meeting and his family were opposed to the Nazis. Please keep your ignorant, offensive and off-topic comments to your self.
Posted by: Joe M | June 26, 2009 10:20 AM
Whoa, it's a troll-splosion! Congrats on being a "Jerk" with a capital J, Ed. I guess that means you've got bragging rights over the rest of us ordinary jerks.
Posted by: Imrryr | June 26, 2009 10:21 AM
The content-free post number 18, was brought to you by Durex.
Durex: for the right-wing religious conservative on prowl 'down low'.
Posted by: Insert product name here | June 26, 2009 10:21 AM
They have top men working on it right now. Top. Men.
Posted by: Robert Faber | June 26, 2009 10:22 AM
Milliyon, tom, and itLdtwbs, do you find it hard to type with one hand? Im assuming the other is busy rubbing your naughty parts in righteous erotic arousal.
Posted by: Lorax | June 26, 2009 10:24 AM
And cue the lunatics in 3...2...1, oh they're here already. Cue spooky music.
Posted by: kehrsam | June 26, 2009 10:24 AM
"God's not laughing with you and neither am I."
Hmm, how do you know?
Posted by: peter | June 26, 2009 10:24 AM
Ann Klein- How does this blog entry prompt an attack on the Pope? As a 14 year old he was indeed a member of the Hitler youth as was EVERY German boy. It is like registering with selective service now. He never attended a meeting and his family were opposed to the Nazis. Please keep your ignorant, offensive and off-topic comments to your self.
Posted by: Joe M | June 26, 2009 10:31 AM
Wow. More serious loonies than a birther convention...
Posted by: MikeMa | June 26, 2009 10:31 AM
So it's 10:34. shouldn't it have been revealed by now?
Posted by: lolidontknow | June 26, 2009 10:34 AM
The Ark was too small for the manna and the Rod of Aaron, that is a New Testament addition from Hebrews:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1404/followup
Posted by: KeithB | June 26, 2009 10:38 AM
Scott Simmons: nope the link was clearly posted on "www.loonywingnuts.com". :)
LAST days - that's probably god's problem right there, he doesn't laugh enough (or the whole 'not getting laid for 2000+ years' thing. Zeus has got it ALL OVER, your god). ;) -DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 26, 2009 10:39 AM
The ark is actually in my attic. For safety's sake, god has disguised it as a cardboard Jim Beam case. I'll try to have the item on Ebay sometime today. Minimum bidding starts at $100,000. Don't miss your chance to own this priceless keepsake!
Posted by: Savagemutt | June 26, 2009 10:40 AM
Joe M @ # 23: I don't know where you've been getting your information about young Joe Ratzinger & the Hitler Youth, but you would be well advised to simply forget everything you've "learned" from that source.
First of all, many German youth had the courage and defiance not to participate in the Hitler Youth (read up about the "Edelweiss Pirates" and other "delinquents" of the 3rd Reich - who happened to be strongest in the west German area where the Ratzingers lived).
Secondly, not only did little Joey participate in Hitler Youth meetings, he served with them in guarding prisoners and operating an anti-aircraft battery, finally deserting only when his unit disintegrated at the very end of the war.
Just think: he's the only Pope known to have fired on US & British troops! Tell your friends!
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | June 26, 2009 10:49 AM
Woohoo, the wingnuts have landed. I've actually had someone explain to me that the Ark of the Covenant was really a "fusion communicator/weapon." And yes, he was serious. He was a fucking nut, but he was serious.
Posted by: Ed Brayton | June 26, 2009 10:53 AM
"And what is this 'science' twaddle they speak of in the salons and bistros nowadays? Poppycock, I tell you! Now, where is my barber, I need a good bleeding to balance my humors..."
Wow, Ed, I don't know how you did it but you hit the mother lode of slackjaw today. Congrats!
Posted by: Shygetz | June 26, 2009 10:55 AM
Turns out the metal had cracked and they had to call in an Ark welder...
Posted by: NJ | June 26, 2009 11:00 AM
A bit of warning to the non-believers. This is not matter of proof and so don't make the mistake of making statements that are 'sinful' when you don't have to (simple Descartes logic-of safe side). The mystery of the Ark of the Covenant is in the Bible, Koran and Torah and still has significance to Muslims, Christians and Judaism. Ethiopia's Christianity has been kept as tradition because no one never bothered to 'update' it along vatican or so. It still reflects the unmolested ways of prayer styles, dressing codes and others-including foods- which also were reinstalled by God (Allah) ,surprise surprise, in Islam!!! Don't be surprised if you soon see the Muslims and Christians praying and prostrating together in Ethiopia. The Jews have to stop wailing on the walls for simple reason the Ark is not there underground in Jerusalem!!
Posted by: zelanu | June 26, 2009 11:00 AM
A bit of warning to the non-believers. This is not matter of proof and so don't make the mistake of making statements that are 'sinful' when you don't have to (simple Descartes logic-of safe side). The mystery of the Ark of the Covenant is in the Bible, Koran and Torah and still has significance to Muslims, Christians and Judaism. Ethiopia's Christianity has been kept as tradition because no one never bothered to 'update' it along vatican or so. It still reflects the unmolested ways of prayer styles, dressing codes and others-including foods- which also were reinstalled by God (Allah) ,surprise surprise, in Islam!!! Don't be surprised if you soon see the Muslims and Christians praying and prostrating together in Ethiopia. The Jews have to stop wailing on the walls for simple reason the Ark is not there underground in Jerusalem!!
Posted by: zelanu | June 26, 2009 11:03 AM
I'm impressed Ed! I'm sticking around just to see the explosion of lunacy. I'll be right back, I've got to go make some popcorn. (so much for writing my T&P narrative today).
Posted by: Scott Reese | June 26, 2009 11:05 AM
No matter what happens don't look into the Ark! Keep your eyes shut. You don't want to get all melty.
Posted by: Bourgeois_Rage | June 26, 2009 11:07 AM
A bit of warning to the non-believers. This is not matter of proof and so don't make the mistake of making statements that are 'sinful' when you don't have to (simple Descartes logic-of safe side).
Translation: What I'm about to say does not fall within the bounds of reason or logic, so you pointy-head rationalists better not try to ruin it for me! I wonder if that Rob guy from last night has invited his friends over here.
Posted by: Sadie Morrison | June 26, 2009 11:14 AM
I think the WorldNutdaily has it all wrong. I understand that the Mormons have the ark in their temple in Salt Lake City and will reveal it when they're ready to prove to the world that Mormonism is the one true religion. Of course, when they do so, the Catholics, Baptists and Pentecostals will go ape and launch multiple crusades against the Mormons and in the process lay waste all of Utah.
Posted by: Keanus | June 26, 2009 11:16 AM
Well zelanu - by your logic you better start believing (and praying presumably) to Zeus, Baal, Nohochacyum *LAC*, Sin, Urkashkigal & etc. on the 'simple Descartes logic-of safe side' - DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 26, 2009 11:20 AM
Keanus:
I don't know so much about whether the Baptists would be in on any waste-laying - maybe if it were followed by a potluck.
Posted by: GB | June 26, 2009 11:28 AM
A bit of warning to the non-believers. This is not matter of proof and so don't make the mistake of making statements that are 'sinful' when you don't have to (simple Descartes logic-of safe side).
Translation: I've got no real argument so instead I'll try to intimidate with vague threats of Divine Wrath. I'll name-drop Descartes (whom I seem to have confused with Pascal) to make myself look like an intellekshual instead of a moron.
FAIL.
Posted by: Eamon Knight | June 26, 2009 11:29 AM
Isn't the arc of the covenant a rainbow?
Posted by: Bob Carroll | June 26, 2009 11:31 AM
Adrienne, the reason it would have the blood of Jesus on it is because when He was crucified on the cross and gave up the ghost, there was a great earthquake. This opened up the ground and when the soldier pierced Him in His side, the blood ran down and went into the ground.
Where it would have absorbed into the dirt and/or coagulated.
If the ark was buried beneath the crucifixion site, then Jesus' blood could have seeped through the rocks and landed on the mercy seat of the ark.
No. Even if the blood had not been absorbed into the ground anyway or had not coagulated, there would have been a lot of loose dirt around from the earthquake. Jesus's blood would have just soaked in. No dripping or seeping through the cracks, sorry.
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 11:31 AM
DingoJack,
I bet Tiamat's going to be PISSED when she finds out you put her in the "etc." category. Then again, I'm a betting kind of guy.
:-)
Posted by: Shawn Smith | June 26, 2009 11:32 AM
Ed, is it possible for you to see what page the wingnuts commenting here were referred by? I'd love to be able to examine some of their comments in their natural habitat!
Posted by: sinned34 | June 26, 2009 11:33 AM
I LOVE it when zealots get all lathered up. The responses to this thread have been almost as entertaining as a typical AFTAH story. And almost as logical.
Posted by: gary l. day | June 26, 2009 11:34 AM
zelanu:
Ah, c'mon buddy, we're all pals here. Your really Xenu (they always get the spelling wrong, those frikkin' unbelievers!) aren'tcha? You can't bullshit a bullshitter, my friend. Thanks for stopping by and...oh, you're serious? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Posted by: democommie | June 26, 2009 11:35 AM
Shawn - not to mention Tanit, Chunder (god of toilet bowls) and many others. Which god's in charge of betting BTW? - :) DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 26, 2009 11:38 AM
Good one ED. The whole population of the asylum appears to have escaped this time, now how do we get them back in?
Posted by: Ex Partiot | June 26, 2009 11:40 AM
Oh crap, botched that last post o' mine. The first paragraph was a quote from "Dana".
Lots of wingnuts beating their chests on here today.
As to the "God is not laughing" claim, would that god be "Yahweh"? It's true, he never had much of a sense of humor. Loki, on the other hand....
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 11:41 AM
DingoJack:
I'm putting my money on Ceasar. Not really a god, but he has a nice place here in Las Vegas (even if the former owners fired and blacklisted my dad from there in the 70s.)
Posted by: Shawn Smith | June 26, 2009 11:41 AM
Just in time for the summer blockbuster season:
"Ed Brayton And The Recently Discovered Ark--The Attack of The Killer Believers"
Posted by: democommie | June 26, 2009 11:42 AM
Miliyon @16:Actually I wasn't surprised by the news that the arc is in Ethiopia, this country is the only country where you see ancient church ceremony still being practiced in this modern ages. Christianity has been there longer than it has been in any other parts of the world. it is documented all over.
I read that the Ark was actually given to humanity by friendly space aliens and that the Ark will one day summon their Mother Ship back to Earth. That's been documented all over too. Find yourself some old copies of Weekly World News and start reading, please.
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 11:44 AM
OMFG...Utah blasted into a saline wasteland. Oh, wait...
--
Martin
Posted by: MartinDH | June 26, 2009 11:46 AM
GB - Methodists certainly won't be laying waste to anything, thank you very much!
That might lead to dancing!! ;) DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 26, 2009 11:46 AM
Hey, when did Methodists start objecting to dancing? I thought that was a Baptist thing.
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 12:02 PM
Please, everyone knows that the real Ark is in a galaxy far, far away. http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ark_of_the_Covenant
Posted by: AL Jeremy | June 26, 2009 12:02 PM
I actually find Dana's post at #12 quite interesting. Not, I must stress, because I think it is in any way plausible. Rather, it is the sort of extra-biblical "reasoning" that Christians use to reconcile the discrepancies and contradictions within the Bible with the real world. This is similar to the creationists' attempt to reconcile the existence of dinosaurs with Biblical myth - the "vapor canopy", for example - when it would be much simpler, as well as more theologically sound, just to claim - to paraphrase Arrested Development - that fossils were something the Jews buried in 1924.
Posted by: thinkoplex | June 26, 2009 12:02 PM
This is not matter of proof and so don't make the mistake of making statements that are 'sinful' when you don't have to (simple Descartes logic-of safe side).
If none of our statements are provable or disprovable, how is it possible to know which of our statements are "sinful?"
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 26, 2009 12:09 PM
Oh hell Shawn, Tiamat should be the least concern - Cthulu gonna eat you, along with DJ now. When will people fcking lrn? You don't mss with Cthulu, bcause h'll fcking eat your ass...
Posted by: DuWayne | June 26, 2009 12:13 PM
If this pope looked at it or touched it - he'd die INSTANTLY.
Its a hoax.
Maybe 0bama's birth certificate is in it (evil grin)
Posted by: zionscry | June 26, 2009 12:14 PM
To my esteemed and valued colleague, Mr Raging Bee
Sir -
Don't you just love how wingnuts drop in some totally witless statement* then scamper back into their own unreality, before the nasty ol' truth can hit 'em. Still they are amusing at least, I just wish they'd stick around to be thoroughly humiliated. ;)
Your humble & obedient,
DJ
_____________________
*sans content, logic, fine motor control on the 'shift key', & coherent punctuation and/or spelling, if we're lucky!
Posted by: DingoJack | June 26, 2009 12:24 PM
What to believe, what to believe? Alas, we must fall back upon science for what is surely a matter of faith to most.
Many tests will need to be done on this item to prove its the right age (circa 980-1000 BCE), but even that will not prove it is THE ark unless it holds the commandments (signed by Moses, LMAO) and some heavenly twinkies, aka manna.
I find the Ethiopian Prelate being at the Vatican to meet with the Pope a most interesting development, and choosing this particular time to make the announcement also intrigues me. Why not do it centuries ago, or open a museum and charge everyone $20 to get a glimpse? The Ethiopian Orthodox church would have made billions by now.
One thing I am certain of -- with the Red Heffer already in hand, Orthodox Jews will be making plans soon to set the cornerstone for the 3rd Temple. This has to have the Palestinians, Hamas, the Syrians, Egypt and Iran (not to mention US Sec of State Hillary Clinton and President Obama) all pretty P.O.'d right about now.
Nothing like lobbing a hand grenade into the Middle East!
Posted by: Anonymous | June 26, 2009 12:53 PM
What to believe, what to believe? Alas, we must fall back upon science for what is surely a matter of faith to most.
Many tests will need to be done on this item to prove its the right age (circa 980-1000 BCE), but even that will not prove it is THE ark unless it holds the commandments (signed by Moses, LMAO) and some heavenly twinkies, aka manna.
I find the Ethiopian Prelate being at the Vatican to meet with the Pope a most interesting development, and choosing this particular time to make the announcement also intrigues me. Why not do it centuries ago, or open a museum and charge everyone $20 to get a glimpse? The Ethiopian Orthodox church would have made billions by now.
One thing I am certain of -- with the Red Heffer already in hand, Orthodox Jews will be making plans soon to set the cornerstone for the 3rd Temple. This has to have the Palestinians, Hamas, the Syrians, Egypt and Iran (not to mention US Sec of State Hillary Clinton and President Obama) all pretty P.O.'d right about now.
Nothing like lobbing a hand grenade into the Middle East!
Posted by: Merle | June 26, 2009 12:55 PM
is it just me or did Michael Jackson just overshadowed this news story
Posted by: sir jorge | June 26, 2009 1:06 PM
It hasn't really been "discovered," except by WND. Ethiopia has laid claim for centuries to possessing the Ark, so it's not like the First Baptist Church of Texarkana just announced that they stumbled across it while cleaning the basement. Their apparent willingness to allow some kind of access to it is a stark departure from their previous policy of letting no one see it at all.
Personally, if Ethiopia is willing to unveil whatever it is they have, I don't see how that's a bad thing. It's a lot harder to debunk something when there are armed guards keeping you from examining it.
Posted by: Loren | June 26, 2009 1:36 PM
I read a bio on Bob Marley years ago that touched on Haile Selassie and the story told was that the Ethiopian church does not have the blinged out box but the tablets given to Moses. And the chain of possession as it were seem to go back about 800 years.
Posted by: The Pale Scot | June 26, 2009 1:48 PM
"3000 year old manna? That stuff has a longer shelflife than a Twinkie."
You're sure that a twinkie isn't made of mana? Hmm... think about it. It fits rather well. But...now I want a twinkie.
-Adam
Posted by: Adam | June 26, 2009 1:57 PM
I just want to see the look on their faces when archeologists (arkeologists?) have to explain to the Ethiopians that whatever trinket they've been puttering over for all these centuries is not the ark of the covenant. I have a feeling they aren't going to be very happy.
Posted by: H.H. | June 26, 2009 2:05 PM
DJ said:
I thought we went over this before. Zeus is the King of Gods. Fuck Baal and the rest of those tin-horn one-horse pretenders, and that includes Cthulhu - yeah - I said it! He's mere calamari to Zeus.
A bit of warning to the non-believers. This is not a matter of proof... it's a matter of assertion. :D
Posted by: Gingerbaker | June 26, 2009 2:07 PM
Dude, we all know it's just a box with a battery in it: Mythbusters told me so!
Though I did once see a dreadfully earnest program on "Science of Old Testament Miracles" that suggested that you could replicate the 'levitating' by using liquid nitrogen, an electromagnet and some current. In the Bronze Age.
I actually heard about the whole "we have the Ark" thing when I was at the traveling "Lucy" exhibit. Little bit crazy, whole lot o' science!
Posted by: JustaTech | June 26, 2009 2:12 PM
DuWayne,
Yeah, Cthulu might fucking eat my ass, but Tiamat's a no shit kill-you-five-different-ways multi-headed dragon!!1!!eleventy-one!1 Fucking Squid-face can bite me all it wants. My life insurance policy is paid up, dude.
Posted by: Shawn Smith | June 26, 2009 2:14 PM
Isn't Cthulu (Pronounced "LAIR-EE") living in a retirement community down near Cancun?
Posted by: democommie | June 26, 2009 2:32 PM
Fck that bllshit Shawn, Cthulu would eat fcking Tiamat for breakfast and throw you down for desert. You bst learn you some rspct for for the mtherfcking eldritch gods, before you unleash horrors that the world hasn't seen for millennia.
Or to put it more succinctly, my mythos can kick the living sht out of your pansy-ass fcking mythos!!!11!1!!1 And my - err, truck is bigger than yours!!!1!111!!!1!
Posted by: DuWayne | June 26, 2009 2:37 PM
Ark of the Covenant not to be revealed after all?
http://barthsnotes.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/ethiopian-ark-of-the-covenant-not-to-be-revealed-after-all/
Posted by: anonymous | June 26, 2009 2:39 PM
...and that includes Cthulhu - yeah - I said it! He's mere calamari to Zeus.
Cthulu isn't a god, he's a Great Old One. There's a considerable difference between the two.
Posted by: Brother Dave | June 26, 2009 2:39 PM
Oh shit now Gretchen - Cthulu gnna fck you up now!!!11!
(Although the thought of huge calamari rings is rather mouth-watering)
Posted by: DuWayne | June 26, 2009 2:44 PM
If I recall correctly Cthulhu has more levels and hit points than Tiamat according to the 1st edition of Deities & Demigods.
Yahweh and Jesus? Heck, their stats are so low they weren't even listed.
Posted by: Rob Jase | June 26, 2009 2:44 PM
DuWayne,
Hey! How did you know I drive a small truck?!!? Man, that's fucking unreal. Have you gotten Randi's million bucks yet?
Posted by: Shawn Smith | June 26, 2009 2:48 PM
Well, I think we're not giving the Ethiopians enough credit for being able to keep a secret. Not only did we not know the location of the true Ark, we didn't have an inkling of the existence of any of these decoy copies. Impressive! Almost as good as Saddam at hiding WMD's!
Posted by: Scott Hanley | June 26, 2009 2:49 PM
Gingerbaker - Zeus was also in charge of Xenia* so worries there! But I also forgot 'Spiny Norman'^ and 'The Orwellian Hegemon'` on my list - I will be in real trouble! ;) -DJ
__________________
*No, not the Warrior Princess, but the concept of protection of strangers and those calling on one's mercy.
^He was a giant, purple hedgehog who told Dinsdale Piranha what to do.
`"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Orwellian Hegemon knows! Bwhahahahahahaha!"
Posted by: DingoJack | June 26, 2009 2:49 PM
Ok, I concede that he was a Great Old One (At least in The Call...).
God or Great Old One... absolutely delicious with Fra Diablo sauce. :)
Posted by: Gingerbaker | June 26, 2009 2:50 PM
Yahweh and Jesus? Heck, their stats are so low they weren't even listed.
Actually, they where left out to avoid the threat of legal action if their published stats where too low.
Posted by: Brother Dave | June 26, 2009 2:53 PM
"Manna...its...its PEOPLE!"
Five dollars says the Ark contains just some postcards, a matchbook and a set of shoelaces.
Posted by: Someguy | June 26, 2009 3:40 PM
Is there any particular reason to think the ark never existed? While its origin is probably fictitious, it supposedly existed when it was written about and making a story about a holy artifact they supposedly had, but didn't really exist, seems odd. That could explain why it was hidden in the temple, though.
Posted by: Ace of Sevens | June 26, 2009 3:42 PM
Well, if they do have the ark then the bible is wrong. Rev. 11:19 states that the ark is in heaven already when the clouds open up. So, I hope they have it. So much for the OT and so much for the NT as well.
Posted by: Matthew Pickard | June 26, 2009 4:01 PM
Awesome.
But this is kinda old. "Digging for the Truth" on the history channel did a piece on this. The alleged ark was stored in this little church, guarded by one guy.
I always thought that if it was the real thing that some Israeli special ops guys would go fetch it.
Posted by: Ian | June 26, 2009 4:09 PM
cmeon Brother Dave, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...Just because it doesn't discriminate between it's worshipers and everyone else it eats, doesn't make it less a god...
Shawn -
It's obvious man. Your mythos is puny - stands to reason your, err, truck is puny too. Though in all honesty, I drive a mini-van instead of a truck and the last truck I owned was rather small. But I have a massive metaphorical truck...Really.
And in any case, my Cthulu can kick the sht out of your Tiamat any day of the wk.
Rob -
Exactly my point. Cthulu kcks mtherfcking ass!!!1!11!!
(i.e. you do recall correctly)
Posted by: DuWayne | June 26, 2009 4:17 PM
Sorry Folks,
It would appear that “Abuna Pauolos” “the leader of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church” has some history:
“The gun-toting Aba Gebremedhin was named “patriarch” in 1991 only because he is a loyal Woyanne tribal cadre. He has no qualification and no moral standing to become a patriarch of the EOTC.
After he was named patriarch by the Woyanne regime, he built a huge palace for himself in Addis Ababa while ancient Ethiopian churches fall apart due to neglect. Extremely rare church manuscripts have also started to be sold to tourists by other Woyanne cadres he brought with him. Such national treasurers as the cross that belonged to Abune Petros, who was gunned down by Fascist Italian forces for refusing to cooperate, were handed out to Qes Zebene and other friends of Aba Diabilos as gifts and wedding presents for being loyal agents.
Aba Diabilos travels with an army of bodyguards in armored vehicles. A short time after he took over the EOTC, one of his bodyguards shot dead an unarmed monk, Bahitawi FekadeSelassie, right in front of him. The Bahitawi was trying to deliver a complaint letter when he was gunned down in cold blood.”
http://www.ethiopianreview.com/content/9697
I could only speculate if he really did meet with Pope Benedict XVI, if he did I wonder what the Vatican will have to say about this.
It would have been a truly historic event.
Posted by: Stu | June 26, 2009 4:27 PM
Posted by: Taz | June 26, 2009 4:47 PM
I wonder how the religious wackos can sit there and type on a sophisticated technological device that is the result of modern science and rational thought, but write about something so completely delusional with such obvious seriousness.
Maybe they are allowing more computer time at the mental asylums today than they should.
@ 18, I think the real laugh is at your expense. Your view of the universe is so very myopic,twisted, dark and pathetic.
Posted by: naturalist | June 26, 2009 4:56 PM
Exactly right Taz...
Posted by: DuWayne | June 26, 2009 5:06 PM
In response to post #93, Matthew Pickard, the ark of the covenant and the temple were patterns of heavenly things. People were instructed to build them based on the pattern that God provided. The temple in heaven and the ark of the covenant in heaven are the originals and the earthly ones are replicas. The temple of God in heaven in Revelation is not in reference to the temple built in earthly Jerusalem and neither is the ark.
Posted by: Dana | June 26, 2009 5:39 PM
I dropped in here after reading some comments and give my thoughts.
1. it is no use discussing on an insult level over a fundamental philosophical debate which needs a broader vocabulary and some references.
2. pope Ratzinger, if you would not know, is an academic. he has given for years lessons on universities and is actually a quite prominent academic figure. In philosophical sense he put the MAIN thing in difference between "us" (atheists-secular) and them "believers" the concept of LOGOS (see wikipedia for background).
I think the evolution of the idea starting from the old greeks and how it entered christianity during the first 300 years is quite interesting. He says (as FUNDAMENTAL KEY THING) :
"Christianity must always remember that it is the religion of the "Logos." It is faith in the "Creator Spiritus," in the Creator Spirit, from which proceeds everything that exists. Today, this should be precisely its philosophical strength, in so far as the problem is whether the world comes from the irrational, and reason is not, therefore, other than a "sub-product," on occasion even harmful of its development or whether the world comes from reason, and is, as a consequence, its criterion and goal. The Christian faith inclines toward this second thesis, thus having, from the purely philosophical point of view, really good cards to play, despite the fact that many today consider only the first thesis as the only modern and rational one par excellence. However, a reason that springs from the irrational, and that is, in the final analysis, itself irrational, does not constitute a solution for our problems. Only creative reason, which in the crucified God is manifested as love, can really show us the way. In the so necessary dialogue between secularists and Catholics, we Christians must be very careful to remain faithful to this fundamental line: to live a faith that comes from the "Logos," from creative reason, and that, because of this, is also open to all that is truly rational."
So that is where he places the discussion around the concept of logos. I think, academics should pick up this philosophical fight and discuss this line of thinking.
3. if the object, the ark, even exists still today (probably it has existed in forms many years ago because of the many mentionings) then Christianity has a big problem.
Because exactly at that moment we have not only 1 "object" (jesus) who acted as the word of God (logos) but we suddenly have a live object which acts as the word of God (the ark).
Thats the interesting philosophical thing then, what happens then? How should this be interpreted (if it exists and if it can be dated etc...)
Posted by: Edward de Leau | June 26, 2009 5:56 PM
Wow, a tardfest! Even including pseudoscience like Graham Hancock and Ron Wyatt, I still didn't see mention of good ol' Simcha Jacobovici (the "naked archaeologist", though he is neither, and creator of the "exodus decoded" and...wasn't it the one on the fraudulent ossuary?) or even the History Channels "Digging for the Truth", where the host was so certain of the Ethiopian claims that he uncredulously parroted them as a serious option.
There may have been an "ark" in the past - from what I have heard, military units sometimes carried relics or ritual items like that as totems of power (these concepts translated through the years into the battle standards of today). Of course, it's entirely possible that the basis for the myth never existed, but was a creation of the storytellers (along with the conquest narratives), or that it existed but was taken (and perhaps destroyed) when Israel or Judea was conquered (I forget when it dropped from the stories). In any case, the silence of the bible on the disappearance of one of their greatest treasures is certainly odd and needs to be explained. Couldn't the writers tie up their own loose ends - I hate it when a book does that!
Posted by: Badger3k | June 26, 2009 6:22 PM
Who cares about a fake ‘Ark of the Covenant.’ Stephan Huller has an academic article coming up which proves that this:
http://therealmessiahbook.blogspot.com/
is the original Episcopal throne of Alexandria, mentioned in the Acts of Peter the Patriarch, Origen, Clement and other sources and dated to the first century.
I read the book. I loved it but I want to know what everyone else thinks? I think its very important but I am not an expert.
His blog with additional information is
http://www.stephanhuller.blogspot.com.
Maybe you can tell me if this for real.
Posted by: jacob | June 26, 2009 6:28 PM
Re: Post #102
What silence in the Bible? Read Jeremiah 3:15-16
And I will give you pastors according to mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding.
And it shall come to pass, when ye be multiplied and increased in the land, in those days, saith the LORD, they shall say no more, The ark of the covenant of the LORD: neither shall it come to mind: neither shall they remember it; neither shall they visit [it]; neither shall [that] be done any more.
The ark of the covenant was a symbol of Christ. Once Christ came, the "symbol" was no longer needed.
He that hath ears, let him hear.
Posted by: Dana | June 26, 2009 6:43 PM
Modern reality based thinkers "hath ears" and minds that think beyond and without needing the archaic myths of religious dogma. We don't need to be mesmerized by symbols of irrational nonsense to have meaning in our lives. And this hearing is not confined to one gender...ie "He or him"
Posted by: naturalist | June 26, 2009 7:56 PM
jacob@103:
I read the book. I loved it but I want to know what everyone else thinks? I think its very important but I am not an expert.
I think the book is probably silly, that you are credulous, and that the overall point is moot because the Christian religion is based on myth and falsehood.
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 8:34 PM
Dana @104:
The ark of the covenant was a symbol of Christ. Once Christ came, the "symbol" was no longer needed.
But Christ had to first symbolically bleed all over the symbol (or at least get his bloody dirt on it)? So he could prove he was replacing the symbol?
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 8:35 PM
He that hath ears, let him hear.
How about, "They who have brains, let them think...and question."
Posted by: Adrienne | June 26, 2009 8:37 PM
How do they know god only had 1 chromosome? I don't recall chromosomes being mentioned in the Bible
Posted by: mathyoo | June 26, 2009 10:01 PM
Or, like Vonnegut, your "truck" is huge but most of it is in the fourth dimension.
And what would you be compensating for with such a truck?
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 26, 2009 11:18 PM
Apparently, it has an octagonal logo on its side.
Posted by: XD | June 27, 2009 6:19 AM
Hey Ed, this post got linked to by the Boston Examiner. And in a mistake I'm sure you'll love, they confuse WorldNetDaily with WeeklyWorldNews.
It also notes that the original translation from the Italian was apparently a bit lax, and there never was a pledge to reveal the Ark on Friday. See also here for a full translation.
Posted by: Loren | June 27, 2009 8:22 AM
Dana @ 104 - nice non-answer. Apparently YHVH can't even do a great job at keeping secrets. Apparently the duration of the amnesia expired, since we all apparently know and talk about it. Even if the Israelites were unable to read their own scriptures and realize what the Ark was, they have no knowledge of where it went to, nor any explanation for why no one ever did anything about it. That's what I mean by "silence" - it drops off the radar completely, and, apparently, the writer of Jeremiah has to make an excuse for why this is.
If the item was captured as part of the spoils of war, then it might have received some notice, if the people who took it were aware of its significance, and if they cared enough to notice. There are records of idols ("gods" taken from captured temples and "living" with their captors - this captured holy relic might be treated the same way. Of course, if the item existed, and was destroyed, say, by a conquering warlord in full view of the conquered, then we definitely have a reason why no one recorded that!
Sadly, since there is not even evidence that The Ark existed, all we can do is uselessly speculate.
Posted by: Badger3k | June 27, 2009 1:47 PM
What about this Timat lovers? Does Tiamat have tracts?
Now bow to Cthulu mtherfckers!!!!1!11!1
Posted by: DuWayne | June 27, 2009 2:28 PM
Jacob @103: "is the original Episcopal throne of Alexandria, mentioned in the Acts of Peter the Patriarch, Origen, Clement and other sources and dated to the first century."
So? It's a chair. An interesting historical artifact, but no more significant than any first century artifact.
I don't think there's any controversy over the existence of an early episcopacy in Alexandria, so I'm not sure what the existence of the throne is supposed to prove.
Posted by: Jon H | June 27, 2009 10:25 PM
Finally, I get to add this comment. It is a fact the Bible as we know it now is inconsistent as it was hijacked by people like Paul- faith in Christ saves you guy. You can even read how Bernabas and Paul had argument (and separated in the Bible) and Paul accuse him of 'following the old testament ways'. Then there is Nicea (circa 365AD) where they literally butchered what the early Christians considered 'True' and discarded lots of 'uncanonical' parts. While at the same time, adding Paul's delusions. As a child, I learned at the Ethiopian Orthodox church some of 'uncanonical' parts including some parts where Jesus pushes a man to death, blinds another one as he grows and was fallible man as we all are. His main purpose was to teach 'Love'. I posted earlier that the Christianity in Ethiopia is mainly 'traditional'. Many can't read but simply worship and pray to God and I presume that may give them favour from God (though I should not be saying that). The church's doctrine/those at the top echelon is another matter especially coming to kissing the arse's of the Catholics with this announcement and adoption of 'Trinity' from Nicea.
I simply advice people to go to Ethiopia and watch the prayer styles, singing and many others from the old testament (as the early Christians did). The laws given to Moses are still valid and that why the 'Ark of the Covenant' is huge deal for Ethiopian orthodox (not sure if it the true one in Axum tho) and other Abrahamic religions. For those Christians who argue against it Jesus said he came to strengthen the law thru love. My $0.02.
Posted by: zelanu | June 27, 2009 10:47 PM
Xenu, dude:
"Finally, I get to add this comment. It is a fact the Bible as we know it now is fantasy, inconsistent with the historical data of the period."
There, fixed it for you.
Posted by: democommie | June 28, 2009 6:53 AM
Demo: Allow me to amend your patch on the comment of 'Xenia the Wannabe Princess' (#116):
"Finally, I get to say this comment. It is a fact that the bible is a fantasy, as we now know." There, that's fixed it! :)
So wingnuts, any parting thoughts, now your projected 'Christians vindicated by the true ark' headline has dissolved into nothingness? What, no comment at all?
The silence from the wingnut brigade is deafening (and significant). - DJ
Posted by: DingoJack | June 29, 2009 12:25 AM