Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Hovind in Prison: Still an Idiot

Kent Hovind may be in prison but that hasn’t slowed down his production of moronic arguments. On his blog he posts a letter he wrote to Frank Lay, the principal of Pace High School in Florida who seems to have a difficult time distinguishing between his school and his church. In that letter, Hovind suggests a brilliant legal strategy:

From what I can glean from the newspaper articles that have been sent to me (I know, never trust what you read in the paper – I quit taking it when my parakeet died), it seems that Judge Rodgers ruled that school officials could not endorse religion or talk about their religious beliefs within the school’s cases or at school sponsored events. If what I read on LifeSiteNews.com, June 4, is true, ACLU attorney Benjamin Stevenson said school officials have a responsibility to “protect the silently held religious views of others” and to be sure that no one will “impose their religious views” on others. One headline read, “Religion Banned from Santa Rosa Schools.”

If this is indeed what the court and the ACLU intend then you need to begin removing the religion of evolution from your school’s textbooks, tests, classes, and videos shown in class immediately! You certainly don’t want to be held in contempt of court!

Evolution (not the misnamed micro-evolution that we all agree happens) is a religious world view that is not supported by science or common sense. You have been ordered to remove religion. This will be a great challenge since this particular religion is very thoroughly mixed into nearly all of your science and history books (not to mention math and literature).

To help you with this huge task, here is what I propose you read over your school’s intercom, post on all bulletin boards, and publish as your official school policy:

“To all Santa Rosa County School Staff and employees,

In order to comply with the recent Federal Court ruling, banning religion in our schools, we will begin immediately to remove any reference to religious ideas that cannot be proven scientifically. While some teachers, textbooks authors, and even some scientists may sincerely believe that the earth and universe are ‘billions of years old’ there is obviously no way this scientific. Effective immediately, all statements about ‘millions’ or ‘billions of years’ are to be removed, eliminated, expunged, cut out, or blacked out in all school materials used in all grades. This includes, but is not limited to, textbooks, study guides, quizzes, tests, posters, class discussions, and any and all school-sponsored events or publications.

“Also, since about 60% of the US population believes the earth and universe is about 6,000 years old, textbooks will not be allowed to include religious statements like ‘millions of years ago.’

“In addition, since many believe that the layers of the earth were all laid down during one world-wide flood as described by nearly every ancient civilization, whereas others believe these layers represent eras or ages that are millions of years different in age, no religious dogma about them being ‘millions of years old’ will be allowed in our school district. The so-called ‘geologic column’ does not exist on earth except in the textbooks, so anyone teaching this as fact would be promoting their religion at taxpayer’s expense.

“Lastly, some sincerely believe that plants and animals all come from a common ancestor, however, there is no scientific evidence that any plant or animal is now or ever has been capable of producing offspring of a different kind. Any reference to any plant or animal ‘evolving’ from a different kind of ancestor should be treated as a religious statement and be removed, in keeping with the recent court decision.

“Obviously, in America, the land of freedom of religion, anyone is welcome to believe in evolution, billions of years, humans being related to apes, etc., but these people should teach this religion to their children in church or at home. No tax dollars in this district are to be used to promote this or any other religion until the appeals process is complete.

“If you see or hear anyone ‘using their official position to promote their own personal religious beliefs’ like the items named above, please report them to me immediately. Since Daniel Mach, the Director of Litigation on Freedom or Religion and Belief for the ACLU and ACLU attorney Benjamin Stevenson have already demonstrated their great concern that religion not be taught in our district, we feel certain that they will be glad to investigate any violations of this policy and sue any offenders who do not wish to comply with this order.

“Thank you for your help and support as we work to create a “religion free” school here in Santa Rosa County.”

This kind of idiocy sounds quite convincing to his credulous followers, I’m sure. Then again, I suspect so did his rantings about why he didn’t have to pay taxes because all of his money really belonged to God. How’d that legal theory work out for you, Kent? Not very well. I don’t think I’d be taken advice on legal strategy from a guy in prison, would you?