Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Batshit Insane Quote of the Day

You really do have to marvel at the career of Victoria Jackson. After several years on Saturday Night Live playing the dumb blonde — talk about typecasting — she then went on to make a movie with Andrew Dice Clay. For anyone else, that would have been the low point, the bottom of the barrel.

But not for Victoria. She managed to go even lower, now all the way down to spending her time appearing on Trinity Broadcasting Network show about Christian “celebrities” (and yes, the quotation marks are appropriate) and writing barely literate political rants (or delivering them in person on Fox News) calling Obama the antichrist.

Her latest missive is a posting on Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywood website (seriously, Breitbart? Are your standards that low?). And it is quite a sight to behold. It’s a love letter to Glenn Beck. Seriously.

But I must especially thank you Glenn Beck for your blackboard. I love your blackboard! And your thorough research. Your facts. Your diagrams. Your teaching. Finally, someone is clearly explaining to us, the taxpayers, exactly what is happening inside that mysterious, gigantic, corrupt political system we have. We, the working middle class, have always been afraid of the machine, and I think the politicians/criminals wanted it that way. With their pompous, pious faces and sneaky hands, they have been stealing and lying. We were too busy raising children, working and going to church to have time to research them. Now, finally, one man has done it. Cracked the Code. Exposed the Fraud. Shone the Light on the Basement Rats! Now, the rats are all scurrying around, all nervous. They are calling The Man With The Flashlight names. Mean names. Squeak! Squeak!

Glenn Beck, thank you for answering my questions. One day I was wondering who those “czars” were who had slipped into the White House, under the radar…I flipped your show on, and you told me! It’s like you read my mind! One day I was wondering what real doctors think of ObamaCare, not the fake doctors Obama rigged for his photo shoot, but real ones. I popped on your show, and there you all were…debating, having a real discussion, like grown ups. Obama’s speeches are all fake and they say nothing. Cotton candy for stupid people. But, you Glenn Beck, you are a thinker. Like me. You are unbiased. Like me. You are simply seeking Truth, just like me….

To you heroes, we thank you. We really, really, really love you. You’re cool. You’re brave. You’re smart. And, you tell the truth!

Wait. It actually gets worse:

I took my beautiful fake nails out to my car and drove to the car wash. Hard working, friendly Mexicans made it shiny. I don’t know if they were legal or illegal. I love everyone, but I think rules should be followed. Why can’t they be legal? Is it difficult? You’ll probably explain Amnesty to me tomorrow on TV, because you always know what I’m thinking.

Wow. That’s the only word that comes to mind. Wow.