Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
The Human Rights Campaign has its latest Corporate Equality Index out and the progress continues. This year, 305 corporations get a 100% score on equality for gays and lesbians, up from 260 last year and 195 the year before. This is great news to everyone except the anti-gay bigots, of course. The Worldnutdaily has an article that lists all 305 companies so their readers can avoid them. The headline on the article:
America's Pro-Homosexual Giants: 2010
Fe fi fo FABULOUS. In honor of this, I reprint a slightly edited version of my guide to the bigots on how to avoid advancing the gay agenda.
This is quite a problem for groups like the American Family Association, who have made quite a public scene with their attempts to boycott Ford because they advertise their cars in gay magazines and have a policy of not firing gay people just for being gay. But since there are now more than 300 major corporations that, like Ford, score a perfect 100 for their gay-friendly policies, how does a bigot avoid unwittingly supporting one of them and thus helping to advance the "radical gay agenda"? You've come to the right place for advice. Here's a brief list of some of the things you can't do.
You can't fly on American Airlines or US Airways, both of which scored a perfect 100. You might also want to avoid United, Southwest, Delta, Northwest, Continental and JetBlue; all scored above 80. In fact, you can't even fly on Sarah Palin's Alaska Airlines, who got a perfect score this year. Who can you fly? Well, you could try Nepal Airlines, the faith-based airline that sacrifices goats to appease God. On second thought, that won't work either. Nepal Airlines has two planes, both of them made by Boeing; Boeing got a perfect 100 too. Go Greyhound!
In fact, you might want to start boycotting the military too. Most of the major defense contractors scored very well. Honeywell, Raytheon and Northrop Grumman all scored a perfect 100. Lockheed got an 85. Who would have guessed that our good ol' red-blooded and (presumably) straight American fighting men are using weapons that advance the gay agenda? If you don't ask, we won't tell.
Shopping could be a problem too. You can't shop at Abercrombie and Fitch, The Gap, JC Penney's, Macy's, or Nordstroms. Can't wear Levis jeans or Nike shoes. And even that staple of middle American fashion, LL Bean, scored a 79. Ah well, there's always K-Mart. And in a pinch, you can always wear a plain white sheet.
Then again, it's going to be difficult to get to the mall anyway since cars are pretty much out entirely. Ford, General Motors, Chrysler, Toyota, Subaru and Volkswagon all scored a perfect 100. You could try Volvo, but that's a Swedish company and you know how those morally bankrupt Scandinavians like to treat gay people like human beings. It may be horse and buggy time.
Finances are gonna be damn near impossible. Want to find a hetero-normative mortgage? Good luck. Bank of America, Citigroup, Countrywide, JP Morgan Chase, Fannie Mae, Indy Mac, Washington Mutual and Wells Fargo all scored 100. Need a morally upstanding credit card? Avoid American Express, Mastercard and Visa; all got perfect scores. Can't do Discover either, since they're owned by Morgan Stanley and damn if they didn't get a 100 as well.
Banking in general is gonna be a real problem for the Righteous, and you might as well give up on any thought of investing your money or saving for retirement. Bank of America, Capital One Financial, Charles Schwab, Deutsche Bank, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch - all get perfect scores on the Sodomy Scale. I guess that leaves the old coffee can under the bed, but you'll have to make sure it isn't Maxwell House or Gevalia; they're both owned by Kraft Foods which, you guessed it, got a perfect score too.
Speaking of which, eating and drinking could be a bit difficult as well. No Coke or Pepsi, they both got 100. Nothing from Kraft or General Mills, which wipes out about half the products in the supermarket. No Budweiser. For crying out loud, even Coors, typically a friend to conservatives, has been corrupted by the forces of buggery and scores a perfect 100. And even that old American standby, Campbell Soups, got a 95.
Ironically, you can safely eat Heinz 57 sauce; despite being associated with a certain gay-loving Massachusetts liberal, they only scored a 46. It doesn't look like you'll have much to put it on though; perhaps it will go well with the manna from the sky you'll be relying on in your quest to take a stand for decency in America.
It's probably a good thing that most of you believe in faith healing too, because getting health insurance without supporting those godless sodomites may prove impossible. AAA, Hartford, Metlife, Prudential, ING and Nationwide are all perfect 100s. Even the obviously misnamed American Family Insurance Group scores 100. Don't they know that you can't use the word "family" unless you're anti-gay?
Even if you did have health insurance, your doctor couldn't prescribe you any medication made by Eli Lilly, Bristol Myers Squibb, GlaxoSmithKline, Johnson and Johnson, Merck or Pfizer. Don't worry, I'm sure that rash will clear up soon. And if it doesn't, take solace in the fact that you're doing the right thing. Wear it like a badge of honor for your brave and virtuous stand against immorality and equality.
Politics
Comments
Ed,
You'll have to make one minor edit: Washington Mutual is gone. It was bought by JP Morgan Chase last year.
Posted by: snoeman | October 30, 2009 9:34 AM
Hurrah! I saw the article on WND yesterday. The best part was the picture they ran with it, Fruity Cheerios! Isn’t that just precious? My friends and I had a good hearty belly laugh at that. And if a WND reader should happen read this and wonder, yes we’re laughing at you, not with you.
Posted by: Abby Normal | October 30, 2009 9:38 AM
Ah, Abby, you had to put it in my head:
Fruity Oaty Bars...
I'm sure Blue Sun would score high as well. After all, they cater to Companions.
Posted by: W. Kevin Vicklund | October 30, 2009 9:48 AM
One of the things I love most about this series of posts by Ed is the wonderful word-smithing, that extra twist of the dagger.
Posted by: W. Kevin Vicklund | October 30, 2009 9:52 AM
Yet conservatives believe that they represent a massive majority in the country and that "silent majority" believes in gay bashing, "traditional marriage," and bigotry too. Life must be very depressing on the planet they inhabit.
Posted by: dogmeatib | October 30, 2009 9:56 AM
From the related WND article, "Despite an economy languishing in high unemployment and low consumer confidence, more American companies are jumping on the bandwagon to provide support for homosexual and transgender employees."
Interesting that they see going more pro-gay as something happening despite the bad economy. Does it ever occur to the WND writers that it might be *because* of the bad economy that more companies want to go pro-gay to increase their PR image?
Posted by: Adrienne | October 30, 2009 9:57 AM
A great and growing list. I wouldn't have made a choice to use one of these fine, 100 scoring entities. I will now. Thanks WND!
Posted by: MikeMa | October 30, 2009 10:18 AM
Not just improve their image, but expand their markets both for customers and employees. I can't imagine running a successful company that both exclusively employs and sells to mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging troglodytes.
Posted by: chris | October 30, 2009 10:24 AM
I'm pretty sure Indy Mac is gone too.
Posted by: FishyFred | October 30, 2009 10:34 AM
Sorry, Ed, but they're probably not even going to be able to read this post. Apple, Microsoft, Sun Microsystems, Intel, IBM, Google and Yahoo! all scored a perfect 100. That pretty much keeps them from using any of the Internet tubes.
Posted by: JLA | October 30, 2009 10:48 AM
Yeah, I know I need to go through and update this with the new information. I wanted to get this on my radio show yesterday and didn't have time. I know a few of those companies don't exist anymore.
Posted by: Ed Brayton | October 30, 2009 10:58 AM
What has it been a year since I posted this?
"There is some sort of perverse pleasure in knowing that it's basically impossible to send a piece of hate mail through the Internet without its being touched by a gay program. That's kind of funny."
Allman - creader of sendmail which very foundation handles the bulk of the e-mail on the internet
Posted by: yoshi | October 30, 2009 11:09 AM
Lockheed Martin has scored 100 for the past two years, not the 85 as listed.
Posted by: Salad Is Slaughter | October 30, 2009 11:15 AM
America's Pro-Homosexual Giants: 2010
Yet another spectacular gay-porn movie idea from the Christian Right.
Posted by: Raging Bee | October 30, 2009 11:17 AM
Instead of listing Nepal Airlines, you should have listed Iran Air, or Saudi Arabian Airlines, or Sudan Airways. I like to point out fellow travelers to gay bashers, and that usually gives them pause. For as much as they hate the French, they feel embarrassed when it's pointed out that their attitudes are more in line with Iranian mullahs than the French.
Posted by: soboco | October 30, 2009 11:17 AM
> Fruity Oaty Bars...
Alas, even if no-one else in here gets that there's still a few of us out there. Keep flyin' :-)
Posted by: David Durant | October 30, 2009 11:53 AM
Back on topic...
Why does the document not appear to have an entry for Walmart?
Posted by: David Durant | October 30, 2009 12:08 PM
Beautiful!
Posted by: Jeff | October 30, 2009 12:38 PM
Can I play too?
WND have to fix their web site -- they use Google (100) AdSense for ad revenue. Unless they're using AMD (75) processors, they're probably using hardware from someone with a 100 score (Intel, Sun/Oracle, IBM.) Operating systems? Not Solaris, AIX, MacOS or Windows. They can try open source, but I suspect that at least one gay person contributed to Linux, GNU and/or Mozilla. Can't use Cisco (100) routers either.
On the medical side, even if they can avoid medicine made by the companies that Ed listed, the odds are very good that these passed through a McKesson (100) or Cardinal Health (100) distribution center.
@6
It's not just the PR image. Notice how many Fortune 100 companies are on the list. Many have figured out that by treating employees decently, they can succeed despite the economy.
@17:
It does. They've got a 40 score -- look at the Fortune 20 list and remember that it's Wal-Mart not Walmart.
Posted by: ArtK | October 30, 2009 1:55 PM
Alas, even if no-one else in here gets that there's still a few of us out there. Keep flyin' :-)
I missed that. I kinda blanked out, and now they tell me I can't work here any more.
Which is a shame, because the company just moved from a 90 to a 100 on the index! Go us!
Posted by: Phillip J. Birmingham | October 30, 2009 1:59 PM
Fruity Oaty Bars...
Alas, even if no-one else in here gets that there's still a few of us out there. Keep flyin' :-)
Am I allowed to post a Me Too? (By coincidence, I just watched "Heart of Gold" and "Objects in Space" last night)
Posted by: Eamon Knight | October 30, 2009 2:00 PM
With Apple and Microsoft scoring 100 does this mean they'll get off the internet to avoid using the ass-spelunker software? They can't use Linux, since THAT'S COMMUNISM!.
We can only hope. I'd say "pray" but that just doesn't work.
Posted by: Ian | October 30, 2009 2:09 PM
I guess all that's left for the haters is to eat at Chic fil a and clothes shop at the Salvation Army.
Posted by: SharonB | October 30, 2009 2:11 PM
Ooops... correction to #19. McKesson only scored 83, so drugs that they distribute are only somewhat tainted.
Beyond not flying on Boeing-made planes or American or US Airways, they can't even make a plane reservation. Sabre Holdings provides reservation services for most of the airlines.
If WND really want to avoid Teh Gay, they're going to have to move to the back side of nowhere and live off the land. Antarctica perhaps -- but then they have to watch out for the penguins.
Posted by: ArtK | October 30, 2009 2:13 PM
FYI: On November 17, 2008, Nepal’s Supreme Court ruled in favor of laws to guarantee full rights to LGBT people, and all gender minorities must be defined as “natural persons” under the law; this including the right to marry. "This is a landmark decision for the sexual minorities and we welcome it," said Sunil Babu Pant, Nepal's first publicly gay lawmaker and a leading gay rights activist in South Asia.
Be careful when stereotyping 'backward' countries. They may turn out to be a lot more advanced than us 'evolved' Americans
Posted by: Warren | October 30, 2009 2:16 PM
I just want to say thanks to everyone who has posted comments. I really needed the chuckles today! If AFA works hard enough perhaps they will boycott themselves out of existence. ;-)
Posted by: Richard W. Fitch | October 30, 2009 2:25 PM
Thank you most kindly, for providing me with the name for my next band:
FORCES OF BUGGERY
brill!!!!!
Now Jack Chick needs to branch out, expand the brand, to make Amurrca safe for Amurrcans...
Posted by: How | October 30, 2009 2:45 PM
[wisper] Miranda
Posted by: Abby Normal | October 30, 2009 3:06 PM
Psshaw! TRUECHRISTIAN beat that in the Halloween Thread..."Satan's Saliva". Now that's a band name! The best since Billy and the Boingers.
Posted by: Savagemutt | October 30, 2009 4:36 PM
"Satan's Saliva?" Meh. Too much sibilance, no hard consonants. net effect: silly, insufficiently rockin'.
"Forces of Buggery?" starts with "force:" forceful! Ends with "buggery:" laden with hard consonants & plosives, also containing "bug" and "grrrr:" exponentially more rockin'; a home run! Thanks again, Ed, for the finefine wordcraft.
Then again, if you set the bar at "Billy & the Boingers," well, what can I say? ;-)
Posted by: How | October 30, 2009 5:17 PM
Resist the Gay Marriage Agenda!
It’s hard for us to believe what we’re hearing these days. Thousands are losing their homes, and gays want a day named after Harvey Milk. The U.S. military is continuing its path of destruction, and gays want to be allowed to fight.All hippies and longhairs ought to be ashamed. Talking peace and love all the time and wearing their hair long is a sure fire way to enrage the risen Saviour.
__________________Did you here this nonsense from him about "we didn't raise four kids just to have one treated unfairly because he is gay"? That dirty rotton hippy can just as well burn an American flag while he is at it!
__________________
JUST SAY NO TO HALLOWEEN!
SATAN ALREADY HAS THE SUPREME COURT.
Posted by: TRUECRISTIAN | October 30, 2009 6:05 PM
Gotta be a Poe...
Posted by: dogmeatib | October 30, 2009 7:48 PM
"SATAN ALREADY HAS THE SUPREME COURT."
True, that.
Posted by: Rick R | October 30, 2009 8:02 PM
W. Kevin Vicklund:
Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
Posted by: Benjamin Geiger | October 30, 2009 8:56 PM
Very funny! I'd say LOL but I don't want to demean your efforts by abbreviating the announcement of the fact that I did indeed laugh out loud ;)
Well done!
Posted by: Leni | October 30, 2009 10:25 PM
Rush Limbaugh's employer, Clear Channel, scores another 100.
Posted by: Gru | October 30, 2009 10:48 PM
For those homophobes who really want to avoid contamination, might I suggest flying with BA, KLM, etc? Sure, they're probably at least as bad as your own airlines and I doubt that Airbus is any better than Boeing, but you know us Europeans are irretreivably decadent so at least you'll be issolating all the faggery beyond your own shores.
Can't buy Kraft foods? Go with Nestle. Need a new car? Get a Beemer or a Honda.
Posted by: SimonG | October 31, 2009 1:39 PM
Thank you, Ed. I now have a satisfyingly froth-inducing, yet simple, cut-and-paste solution to the idiotic emails I get from some of my acquaintaces.
Posted by: Shay | October 31, 2009 2:39 PM
At least they can eat at Chick-Fil-A... most days.
Posted by: TC | October 31, 2009 3:16 PM
Considering how reprehensible some of these companies are in many other respects, the bar for getting 100 must be set awfully low.
Posted by: Steve D | October 31, 2009 4:07 PM
I work for IndyMac Mortgage Services, or what is now more commonly called OneWest Bank. In all fairness, it's not easy to keep up with the never ending list of failing financial institutions.
Posted by: Ashley | October 31, 2009 5:07 PM
Wow. I haven't seen a single narrow-minded bible thumper chime in yet. Where's Shirley Phelps - Roper when you need a good trainwreck?
Posted by: MiM | October 31, 2009 5:26 PM
Corporate support does not necessarily mean endorsement of homosexual lifestyles. It just means that the corporation sees a profit opportunity by doing so. While corporations have legal entity status, they are not people, and as such have no moral compass in any direction.
Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 31, 2009 6:20 PM
Well there are so many places for the Phelps to picket these days that they can't be everywhere, though they do try.
Posted by: Paul Decelles | October 31, 2009 6:21 PM
I am not surprised that it is hard to avoid any company or anywhere for that matter that doesn't to some degree support the gay/lesbian lifestyle. The bible has already predicted what the world will become and without even having to quote a bible verse I can turn on the news and see it. It's a hopeless, greedy, promiscuous place on so many levels. That's the way of the world and of society. The corporations make money off of people and if those people are gay, then so be it. With all of the lawsuits being battled, those big businesses have to follow the new law or err on the side of keeping and making big money.
I don't agree with the gay/lesbian lifestyle and I also don't agree with it being shoved down my throat because they've got to make their point. BUT if they're going to continue running around throwing a tantrum for equality, then they should be prepared to hear some opposition. Opposition I believe that should be made not only with firm stance, but with a loving one. Call me a bigot....I don't care. The bible says I will be called worse, treated worse, and eventually in the end times, my brothers and sisters in Christ will die just because we believe in God. So the gays and lesbians out there can have those companies, their rights when they win them, and whatever else they achieve in this world, because I know where I'm going in the end and it's not of this world.
Posted by: Anon Amos | October 31, 2009 6:58 PM
And FYI Paul......I don't believe in picketing unless it's already at my doorstep and we "phelps" don't need to be everywhere, that's the job of God.
Posted by: Anon Amos | October 31, 2009 7:20 PM
Who is this Ed Brayton guy???
OMG this post is absolutely HYSTERICAL!!! This guy has just become my new hero. Absolutely hysterical! :) LMAO!
Posted by: Chevalier | October 31, 2009 7:22 PM
Anon Amos "The bible has already predicted what the world will become and without even having to quote a bible verse I can turn on the news and see it. It's a hopeless, greedy, promiscuous place on so many levels."
Oh, the terrible woe! And yours is the very first generation to say anything at all like that!
"I don't agree with the gay/lesbian lifestyle and I also don't agree with it being shoved down my throat because they've got to make their point."
*Giggle*
"BUT if they're going to continue running around throwing a tantrum for equality, then they should be prepared to hear some opposition. Opposition I believe that should be made not only with firm stance, but with a loving one."
Did you actually read what you wrote? You just said that you're opposed to equality.
"Call me a bigot..."
Naw. You're just ignorant. That's moderately easy to fix. It's gonna take some work on your part, though. Gay people are people just like you. They even have the same feelings and relationships as you. Those relationships just happen to have matching genitalia. It's not a big deal.
"I don't care."
Yes. Yes you do, or you wouldn't have said it.
"The bible says I will be called worse, treated worse..."
And how to do tell the difference between you facing opposition because you're righteous or if you're just plain wrong?
"...and eventually in the end times, my brothers and sisters in Christ will die just because we believe in God."
Uh huh. It must be tough being a part of the popular majority. So tough, in fact, that conjuring up faux-oppression and imaginary threats is big business.
Posted by: Modusoperandi | October 31, 2009 7:35 PM
Unfortunately for you, these corporations most likely support many more mouth breathing knuckle dragging conservatives.
I'm sure they're going to appreciate YOUR bigoted hateful support!
Posted by: UnfrozenCavegirlBlogger | October 31, 2009 10:11 PM
[blockquote]Who can you fly? Well, you could try Nepal Airlines, the faith-based airline that sacrifices goats to appease God. On second thought, that won't work either. Nepal Airlines has two planes, both of them made by Boeing; Boeing got a perfect 100 too. Go Greyhound![/blockquote]
What's funny about your statement is that Nepal is the first South Asian country to legalize ghey marriage.
Posted by: Louis B. | October 31, 2009 10:35 PM
1) Your far-left agenda is simply ignorant. If people were to realize that extremism doesn't work, then this country would go back to having what is called progress…
2) Abortion and The "Right to Die": Since when was there such thing as a right to kill? Abortion stops a beating heart, so it's not different than killing the first person you come to on the street. Besides, who is the parent to make decision for the child… You have to
question the authority of someone that WANTS to kill someone… much less kill a defenseless baby… As for the Right to die. I've neer heard of a more grotesque procedure. There are two major methods… self suffocation, or self starvation…
3) Homosexuality: True, the bible does say that homosexuality is wrong. What other facts bout the bible are true that people are forgetting about? Isn't it true that a major part of being a Christian is being a physical embodiment of Jesus? Would Jesus condemn the
homosexuals or help them fix their lifestyle?
4) "Frivolous" Spending: The government, when associated with a left point of view, stockpiles money. Saving it for a rainy day? There is no point in a government withholding money from its own citizens. It's kind of like dangling a string in front of a cat and pulling the string up before the cat can get to it… eventually, the cat get
annoyed/bored/perturbed and gives up… The end result is discontent among the masses.
5) "Faux" news: I'm damned glad that there is at least some right-bias media out there… I was getting sick of seeing only left-minded news programs.
6) Guns: If abortion is "alright", then this should be a non-issue with liberals… They honestly shouldn't have a problem supporting these killing machines.
Posted by: TRUECRISTIAN | November 1, 2009 1:24 AM
Those conservatives are so hateful. Let's show how tolerant we are by calling them every derogatory name in the book.
By the way, is Barack Obama also an "anti-gay bigot"? Last I checked he opposed gay marriage. So does Joe Biden. They both say their religious convictions keep them from "redefining" marriage from its current definition of one man and one woman.
Or are they acceptable bigots because they're liberals? Kind of like how people such as Perez Hilton find President Obama to be wonderful despite his opposition to gay marriage, while they attack and slime others for holding the same position.
Posted by: Blaron | November 1, 2009 1:59 AM
What do you expect from a website that has posted more than one article claiming the hormones in milk are turning pubescent boys into transsexuals?
Posted by: Fred-O | November 1, 2009 2:10 AM
This guy calls himself a journalist? WAMU was bought by JP Morgan, Discover is no longer owned by Morgan Stanley, and B of A owns Merrill Lynch. Get your facts straight.
Posted by: calgolf2 | November 1, 2009 6:07 AM
"Or are they acceptable bigots because they're liberals?"
No.
Posted by: Rick R | November 1, 2009 9:13 AM
Why does the writer of the article say "there's always KMart"? They got 100 on the CEI, too.
Posted by: ArtemisGoldfish | November 1, 2009 12:00 PM
With all this sturm and drang over the "gay agenda" lately, I'm well pleased to see someone with decent perspective and a sense of humor about it. Thanks for that.
On an essentially unrelated note, I had to mention that Blue Sun is the devil incarnate [incorporate?] and would surely be at the lowest end of the scale...
Posted by: Jeezburger | November 1, 2009 1:54 PM
Oh, the terrible woe! And yours is the very first generation to say anything at all like that!
I remember a teacher once showing us a quote about the immorality of the youth, the horrible new fashions of women wearing trousers, how they'd reject tradition in favour of wild lifestyles, etc.
It turned out to be from 400BC.
Posted by: Kei | November 1, 2009 7:48 PM
I've seen that quote, too. It was some greek dude. He was all "Back in my day, children respected their elders..." and we were all "Ohmuhgod!" or "Whut-eh-ver."
Posted by: Modusoperandi | November 1, 2009 10:14 PM
How does one get a hundred? Just Curious, does that mean they will always hire people that consider themselves intersex to work at the register if they are most qualified?
Posted by: Erik | November 3, 2009 9:41 PM