Dispatches from the Creation Wars

George Lucas Gets Cease and Desist Letter

Matt Sigl sends a cease and desist letter to George Lucas, demanding that he stop making movies that destroy the legacy of his earlier work by sucking in the worst possible way. It begins:

Dear Mr. Lucas:

It has come to our attention that your actions over the past decade in the production of the films Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones and Star Wars Episode 3: Return of the Sith (hereafter referred to as “Star Bores”) as well as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (hereafter referred to as “Grandpa Jones”) infringes upon the rights of millions of moviegoers to preserve their childhood memories unscathed. This is a clear violation of your contract with the public to create films worthy of the legacy that you, yourself, began in 1977. Your recent actions have been grossly negligent, displaying a complete lack of regard for taste and artistic merit. Star Bores and Grandpa Jones represent a failure to satisfy the duty of care mandated for a filmmaker of your status.

I haven’t seen the last Indiana Jones movie, but he describes this scene in the movie:

In Grandpa Jones, our hero, one of the most beloved screen characters in history, escapes a nuclear explosion by hiding in a “King Cool” refrigerator which is then propelled by the nuclear blast away from the atomic destruction, at which time our hero rolls out unscathed, admiring the mushroom cloud visible in the now-far distance.

And sure enough, here’s the scene:

And now I’m really glad I didn’t bother seeing that movie. It all reminds me of this Patton Oswalt routine about George Lucas: