Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Satan Attacks Rod Parsley

George Carlin famously joked about how God, according to the televangelists, always needs money – “He’s all knowing, all powerful and all wise, but somehow he can’t hold on to money.” He could also have pointed out that the televangelists — who are, as Rick Overton once declared, the pro wrestlers of religion — always blame it on Satan when there isn’t enough of the green stuff flowing in. The Columbus Dispatch reports on Rod Parsley’s desperate plea for donations:

The Rev. Rod Parsley has issued a desperate plea for money, telling his flock that he is facing a “demonically inspired financial attack” that is threatening his ministry.

Parsley is asking for donations by Dec. 31, calling that date an “unavoidable deadline” during an episode of Breakthrough posted yesterday on www.rodparsley.com. Breakthrough is Parsley’s television show.

The headline of the appeal for donations reads: “Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”

When asked to comment yesterday, Parsley’s World Harvest Church issued a statement saying the recession caused a decline in member giving in 2009, which has led to a fourth-quarter deficit of $3 million despite a 30 percent reduction in the budget.

This year, the church settled for $3.1 million with a family whose son was spanked at its day-care center in 2006, to the point his buttocks and legs were covered with welts and abrasions.

The boy, then 2, said he was spanked with a “knife” by a substitute teacher. His parents, Michael and Lacey Faieta, believe it was a ruler.

The Faietas said the payment was made this year. During yesterday’s Breakthrough broadcast, Parsley referred to a $3 million check he had to write from the ministry.

Yeah, the devil made them abuse that child. You know Rod, you could sell the two mansions on your 21 acre compound that are worth millions. Or you could sell your private jet and fly coach instead. In fact, I bet if you opened up the books to your followers — something you refuse to do — they’d be able to find lots of ways to trim a little fat off the budget.

Here’s the video of Parsley’s pathetic begging: