Dispatches from the Creation Wars

Worst Movie Ever?

I had a conversation with a friend today and she asked me what I thought were the worst movies I’ve ever seen. And I could only think of one movie at the time. I should preface this by saying that I judge movies differently based on their goal. A movie like Cannonball Run is a bad movie, but it’s a movie you know is going to be bad. You don’t go to the theater expecting to see Citizen Kane, you know this is a movie purely for mindless entertainment and cheap jokes.

Really bad movies, in my view, are movies that at least carry the pretense of being high quality. And by that measure, the worst movie ever made, in my opinion, is Eyes Wide Shut. It’s just a godawful mess of a film that drones endlessly on and on without a hint of a point – for more than three hours.

Through the entire thing I sat there thinking, “Come on. This is Stanley Kubrick. This is the genius that brought us Dr. Strangelove, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket and 2001. This has to get better. There at least has to be a semblance of a point coming, something that makes us care a tiny little bit about these characters on the screen.” Nope. It’s 3 hours of my life I’d truly like to have back.

So what are the worst movies you’ve ever seen? What movie did you go to or rent expecting something interesting or challenging or hilarious and end up sitting there wondering what the hell went wrong to produce the piece of shit you just paid for?