Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
At last, a movie review to rival Dorothy Parker's famous "it should be thrown with great force" book review. This is by Mick LaSalle of Hearst Newspapers:
"Guy Ritchie is the worst screenwriter in the world, but, to be fair, he is not the worst director. He is only the worst director of the people who actually get to make movies. As we speak, there are human beings walking the Earth - perhaps as many as a half dozen of them - with less directorial talent, but they've been safely diverted into other activities."
Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark.
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Comments
Amazingly, he's married to someone ("Madonna") who is even less talented.
Posted by: peter | January 1, 2010 9:45 AM
Somewhat tangential:
The full Dorothy Parker quote Ed refers to:
Posted by: Michael Heath | January 1, 2010 10:11 AM
Dorothy Parker (writing as `Constant Reader') on Winnie the Pooh:
`Tonstant Weader fwowed up'.
Posted by: Vincent Manis | January 1, 2010 10:31 AM
Peter @ 1:
I would argue that Madonna distinguishes herself with her talent for both showmanship and marketing. While I prefer listening to music that holds up sans visuals, there are millions of people who've thoroughly enjoyed both her live performances and her videos. While I'm not a Madonna fan, I understand why her fans appreciate her performances.
Posted by: Michael Heath | January 1, 2010 10:39 AM
That's got some great snark, but it seems misplaced. I genuinely enjoyed both Lock, Stock, and two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. They didn't seem to me like the kinds of movies that would be written by "the worst screenwriter in the world." In any case, that title almost certainly belongs to whoever wrote the screenplay for Avatar (I assume it's Cameron but I'm too lazy to check).
Posted by: Jerry Vinokurov | January 1, 2010 10:41 AM
For a more positive review of the movie, see Jason Rosenhouses' blog.
http://scienceblogs.com/evolutionblog/2009/12/sherlock_holmes.php
Posted by: SLC | January 1, 2010 10:48 AM
Not anymore.
Posted by: Sadie Morrison | January 1, 2010 11:02 AM
Over at sfgate.com (LaSalle's home base, website of the San Francisco Chronicle) Mick was roasted in the comments on his review over his Ritchie obsession.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article/comments/view?f=/c/a/2009/12/24/DDHD1B5RC2.DTL
Posted by: Doug Berry | January 1, 2010 11:22 AM
My favorite scorched-earth movie review was from Roger Ebert reviewing "Freddy Got Fingered":
Posted by: David | January 1, 2010 11:31 AM
Obviously this woman has never watched a SyFy Original Movie.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 1, 2010 11:52 AM
Sounds to the UK subjects in my family like an Irish ("Mick" is the given name or nickname) slur on a British director.
Posted by: Jonathan Vos Post | January 1, 2010 11:54 AM
"I genuinely enjoyed both Lock, Stock, and two Smoking Barrels and Snatch."
So did I, and I can only assume from the balance of his issue that he either stole the work or had a GREAT deal of help in the productions.
Posted by: BlindRobin | January 1, 2010 12:11 PM
I really enjoyed the movie. It was far less stupid than I thought it would be, and quite a lot of fun.
Posted by: David E, | January 1, 2010 12:57 PM
I guess I should start this comment out by saying that I haven't seen "Sherlock Holmes", and in fact have never, to my knowledge, seen any film directed by Guy Ritchie. So, I don't really have a stake in any of this. But...
I'm willing to bet that if another, trendier director...dare I say it, a director who has not been connected to Madonna in any way...had produced the exact same film, including the fight scenes that the reviewer criticizes, the review would have been significantly more positive. Because what the review (which I did read in its entirety) seems to me to boil down to is, "Well, it was a good movie, but Guy Ritchie directed it, so I have to say something bad about it."
Posted by: Elaine | January 1, 2010 1:00 PM
Most succinct scorching of earth by a critic (in this case, the legendary theater critic Alexander Woolcott:)
"'Number Seven' opened last night. It was misnamed by five."
Posted by: Julie Stahlhut | January 1, 2010 1:01 PM
Wow. This Dorothy Parker person didn't like Winnie the Pooh? What was she expecting, the Last of the Mohicans?
Posted by: jws | January 1, 2010 1:20 PM
Uwe Boll's still working.
Posted by: Martin | January 1, 2010 1:27 PM
The Day After Tomorrow (review by Mr. Cranky)
"There's a disaster hurtling toward Earth, and it's this movie."
Posted by: Dr X | January 1, 2010 1:30 PM
I just went to IMDB and looked up those two movies and some of the line from them. Those were funny movies. The dialog reminds me a bit of Elmore Leonard. There is definitely something a bit flaky about the review.
Posted by: xebecs | January 1, 2010 1:44 PM
I agree, Ritchie is an incredibly annoying and formulaic filmmaker, but I have to concede, he comes through in Sherlock Holmes. I thought it was a fantastic film. The only thing that really bothered me is how they could have had Rachel McAdam's character run from the sewers under Parliament and emerge at the base of Tower Bridge! Ludicrous! It would take a person a hour at minimum to travel that distance on foot!
Posted by: DML | January 1, 2010 2:00 PM
The incomparable Gene Shalit:
On The Landlord: Run, don't walk away from this film.
On Magnum Force: Magnum is a gun; force is what it would take to make me see this movie again.
Posted by: essman | January 1, 2010 2:56 PM
Love it! It would also hold true if you substitute "Rob Zombie" for "Guy Ritchie".
Posted by: Brian W | January 1, 2010 3:11 PM
The quote is enjoyable but not worth taking the slightest bit seriously. I can think of many big budget directors who are worst. Q. Tarantino for one produces the most god-awful moronic bowel movements, but then so many critics go gahh gah over him and cream themselves praising his various vomits. Of course Mr. Emmerich is even worst, much worst. So I simply don't take these comments about Guy Richie seriously.
Posted by: Pacal | January 1, 2010 3:22 PM
Has this reviewer never seen The Core? THAT director is far worse than Guy Richie. As is whoever directer Manos the Hands of Fate.
Posted by: Noadi | January 1, 2010 3:24 PM
@5: I agree. "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch" were both great movies.
Posted by: Eric R | January 1, 2010 3:29 PM
"Over at sfgate.com (LaSalle's home base, website of the San Francisco Chronicle) Mick was roasted in the comments on his review over his Ritchie obsession."
Yeah, back when I lived in San Francisco, everyone knew that if LaSalle panned a movie, it was a "must see" movie, and if LaSalle praised a movie, stay home.
It used to be that you get get an entire rush hour muni bus laughing, just be mentioning how wrong LaSalle was about some movie.
Posted by: David | January 1, 2010 3:36 PM
This line from the review...
...sums up the movie for me. It's an action adventure romp which isn't meant to be taken too seriously, but I think there were no more than two lines in the whole movie where the audience laughed out loud. I kept expecting some witty repartee from Holmes and Watson -- there were plenty of situations tailor made for clever, funny dialog but it never came. And it wasn't as though the lines just fell flat, they were completely missing.
Posted by: tacitus | January 1, 2010 3:44 PM
My favorite withering bit of criticism comes from none other than Groucho Marx: "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
Posted by: Martin | January 1, 2010 4:10 PM
Charlotte has a similar type in Lawrence Toppman. If he panned it, you knew it was at least fun and watchable.
Posted by: Ranson | January 1, 2010 4:51 PM
I have watched three Guy Richie Films: Locks Stock, Snatch and RocknRolla. The first two are just thoroughly excellent, films that rank amongst some of the best. RocknRolla wasn't quite on their level but was still good, with style, excellent camera work and imagery.
So no, "Worst Director/Screenwriter" just doesn't hold up.
As for "Someone else is actually writing and directing it"
Prove it
Then prove every director or writer you like wasn't leeching off someone else.
Posted by: The Pink Ninja | January 1, 2010 5:47 PM
Some critics seem to love movies, and write critiques because of that love. Others, like this guy, Mick Lasalle, seem to me to be in the business just for the opportunity to hurt people who make movies. I came to that opinion after reading just one of his reviews. But I don't care to adjust my opinion by suffering through another.
Posted by: John Swindle | January 1, 2010 6:16 PM
Wow. So Guy Ritchie is the worst filmmaker ever?
Apparently this reviewer has never seen Gus Van Sant's "Gerry".
That's 600 years of my life I'm never getting back.
Posted by: Rick R | January 1, 2010 6:24 PM
Worse directors than Guy Ritchie, in no particular order:
Paul Verhoeven
David Lynch
George Lucas
...and I'm becoming nauseous just thinking about the movies these idiots have perpetrated, so that's enough for now.
Rt
Posted by: Roadtripper | January 1, 2010 7:11 PM
Re Roadtripper
Let's not forget Michael Cimino of Heavens Gate infame.
Posted by: SLC | January 1, 2010 7:46 PM
That may be the best critique of the day, but the best line I heard today was in Avatar: "If they get to the Tree of Life it's all over!"
Posted by: DCBob | January 1, 2010 8:57 PM
@ Anonymous @ #10
“Obviously this woman has never watched a SyFy Original Movie.”
What? You didn’t appreciate the suspense, fine scripting,compelling acting and ground breaking technical effects of “Mansquito?”
(small fly voice) Help Meeee!!
Posted by: NJ Osprey | January 2, 2010 9:16 AM
@Noadi
I think manos the hands of fate was one of those flukes where the guy walking around the street did get to be the director. Just getting on MST3K with a movie made on a bet with a budget less than what I spend on chocolate in a year is kind of an accomplishment....in it's own way.
Posted by: deep | January 2, 2010 11:22 AM
While we're moving away from "movie reviews" and more towards "scorched-earth reviews", I'd like to bring up the post that got me reading Gin And Tacos:
"Going Rogue is not without merit. It certainly delivers what its intended audience wants. Readers who already like Palin will love it, much as America's pedophiles will find the latest Jonas Brothers DVD to their liking. The authors' talent for communicating the ex-Governor's unique rhetorical style in print is remarkable – the Sesame Street cadence of her delivery and the intermittent Tourette's-like winks leap off the page. The book, recession priced at just $9, is also an ideal gift for the Aunt or Uncle who assaults your email inbox with a dozen weekly communiqués on the President's Kenyan birth and the constitutionality of income taxes.
Unfortunately that is an exhaustive list of its strengths."
http://www.ginandtacos.com/2009/11/17/going-rogue/
Posted by: Technogeek | January 2, 2010 5:19 PM
I liked both Lock, Stock and Barrel and Snatch.
Somehow I doubt Sherlock Holmes is that bad.
Posted by: Leni | January 2, 2010 7:17 PM
As long as Michael Bay exists, no one else should fear being the worst on earth.
Posted by: round guy | January 5, 2010 8:59 AM